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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder how many people on here use physical discipline ..

222 replies

havinhoops1974 · 03/10/2011 23:32

compared to past generations??

I was thinking you hear so may of the older generation talking openly about using physical discipline on their kids compared to now where I almost hear people whispering it, but at the same time giving the old 'it doesnt do them any harm'

personallyn I dont advocate it , should always be a last resort, however I wont cricify someone who has slapped wrists etc at their wits end.

What are the views of MN???

OP posts:
GossipWitch · 03/10/2011 23:40

I wont smack my kids in anger that's when parents actually lose it,also I break down when I'm angry. But if I have to teach them not to stick there fingers in plug sockets or smash hard objects at each other then they will be told, then timed out, then grounded from something, then if they still are being horrid, naughty or just plain defiant, they will get a smacked bottom or hand. Not enough to mark but enough to shock. However ds1 is getting a bit to difficult to smack these days as he can return the favour with a punch! so he usually ends up losing a whole array of technology and freedom.

Kayano · 03/10/2011 23:43

I would smack wrists and hands. Heck tbh I would probably shifty eyes smack

I only say this after hanging around a totally undisciplined child who damn well needed a smack Blush

I of course can't say that for certain having not had a child yet Grin but I too am of the opinion each to their own

Kayano · 03/10/2011 23:46

Just to clarify my post. I have not actully smacked anyone but the child in question will actually physically attack you with no reason and DH was actually scared for me going to do a time out with her. He thought she would kick me in the stomach Sad

Tyr · 03/10/2011 23:48

Never but I'm coming round to the idea of battering parents who do. Christ knows the message doesn't seem to have got through to some of them by any other means.

Original poster
havinhoops1974 · 03/10/2011 23:49

Ooh i take it ur expecting kayano , yeah its always a worry

OP posts:
Original poster
havinhoops1974 · 03/10/2011 23:50

tbh I think i may have refused as its endangering you both

OP posts:
DownbytheRiverside · 03/10/2011 23:54

Kayano, why not just keep out of the way and leave others to deal with the child? If you are pregnant then you are entitled to safe working practises.
No, I never used physical punishment, especially as my DS has Asperger's and if I'd hit him, he'd have hit me back.
As a teacher, I'm not allowed to hit children in my job, so why would I do so in my private life?

Kayano · 03/10/2011 23:56

I went up and she was gantry ing on the bed an thrashing on the wall. I said she was to stay there for 8 mins as she is 8 (trying to be all supernanny like because I literally know nothing about how to do any disciplining) and then I hightailed it out of there

DH went in but he has 'the look' and she stopped. I know her gran has smacked her twice recently it has got so bad but only as a last resort. I honestly don't know what I'll do but I wouldn't do it willy nilly, but I honestly can't say I would rule it out after that Sad

DownbytheRiverside · 04/10/2011 00:00

Oh, so this is your child rather than a school or nursery situation?

MurunBuchstansangur · 04/10/2011 00:03

I was only ever smacked 3 times as a child.

DS has had one on the bum from me. I don't regret it, I wasn't angry.

It is hard to justify smacking your child, but at the time it was appropriate. I like to think I won't do it again.

MurunBuchstansangur · 04/10/2011 00:06

I am shocked at returning a smack with a punch. I thought that a smack is designed to retablish parental authority.... that's not working then.....

Kladdkaka · 04/10/2011 00:06

I wouldn't dream of smacking anyone. It's assault. But then I live in a country where children have the same protection in law against physical violence as every other member of society.

Kayano · 04/10/2011 00:10

Do Down, this was a close family member we were looking after for the evening. I would never smack someone else's child but honestly, I don't know what I could have done if not for DH. Think I will have to get in front of the mirror to practice 'the look', my face is to round and friendly for effective discipline Wink

Maybe just let DH deal with it all the time or lock it in the shed or something (kidding now)

DownbytheRiverside · 04/10/2011 00:10

'I am shocked at returning a smack with a punch. I thought that a smack is designed to retablish parental authority.... that's not working then..'

Exactly.

A1980 · 04/10/2011 00:27

^ Exactly indeed. Smacking was the only method of punsihment I had really. When I got to a certain age, I was a teenager, I thought "fuck this" and every time I got a slap, I slapped back twice as hard as I was slapped. What did that mean? It meant that mum lost her ability to discipline me over night. There was nothing she could do that would scare me.

If you must smack, make it as an absolute last resort or as with every other method of punishment, it will lose it's effectiveness.

Jaquelinehyde · 04/10/2011 00:32

I have smacked and may well do again.

GossipWitch · 04/10/2011 00:39

No ds1 and smacking tbh has never worked, like I say I exhaust absolutely all technology and freedom before smacking happens, occasionally however I have had to literally take absolutely everything off him before and that was pure hell !!! Unfortunatly he thought he hadn't done anything wrong (he kicked me very hard in the leg on the way home from school and then kept trying to stamp on my foot as I was pushing a buggy, he'll be getting assessed soon btw.) And occasionally a short sharp smack on the bottom when he's being violent can sometimes get him out of it and others he can get worse, its working out which is which.

TidyDancer · 04/10/2011 00:40

I haven't and wouldn't use physical punishment. It's not the answer. It was used on me as a child by my father, and I would not want to replicate his mistakes.

lesley33 · 04/10/2011 00:40

Last resort - would never actually hurt my DC, but a smack if done very very very rarely can emphasise imo that behaviour if dc is really beyond the pale.

I have done it a few times - when DS ran into the road at 7 because he was angry and wanted to get away from me. I was gobsmacked as he is normally well behaved and I honestly thought he would never do something so stupid. So smacked him and basically said his behaviour was way beyond the pale.

GossipWitch · 04/10/2011 00:43

Also I was smacked as a child, i dont think its done me much harm, however my brother (being the golden boy) wasn't smacked much and he's now on drugs, drinks every night and the taxpayers are footing the bill. there are other things but we did have a similar childhood.

MurunBuchstansangur · 04/10/2011 00:46

I don't really do puinishment as such. Consequences, so say if DS trashes the front room, he has to tidy it.

We talk about why he did XYZ.
I explain why he shouldn't do it again, or why it hurt someone, or whatever.
He can explain what he was feeling, why he did whatever it was, and what might be better to do next time he felt like that.

It's really hard to explain, but I smacked him because he was unable to listen and was just acting out so much I needed to snap him out of it. He was shocked and cried and then we went through the normal thing of speaking about his behaviour.

I don't feel bad about it. If a grown up was shouting and screaming hysterically at me, I might slap them as well.....

lesley33 · 04/10/2011 00:49

Gossip - Its interesting how things turn out. My mum was way way less strict on my brother than me and i really resented it as a child. He got away with loads while she was strict with me. 25 years later we are both married with kids. But while I have a fairly well paid job, my brother struggles to hold down any job as he doesn't seem able to cope with anyone telling him what to do. So he gets fired, or leaves before he is sacked.

Sometimes what we resent as kids can imo end up being a blessing.

NoHunIntended · 04/10/2011 01:00

Well said, Tyr.

iscream · 04/10/2011 01:10

No. Smacking is venting your own frustration. Do that in a constructive way, like going into your room alone and punching your pillow. I feel a very small child, I mean a year or so, who goes to touch something dangerous like an electrical outlet could have the hand smack, as they need to associate the dangerous thing with something negative for them. But not older children who can understand the time out method.

Whatmeworry · 04/10/2011 01:34

Ah, the monthly smacking thread :o

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