to wonder how many people on here use physical discipline ..

[havinhoops1974]

compared to past generations??

I was thinking you hear so may of the older generation talking openly about using physical discipline on their kids compared to now where I almost hear people whispering it, but at the same time giving the old 'it doesnt do them any harm'

personallyn I dont advocate it , should always be a last resort, however I wont cricify someone who has slapped wrists etc at their wits end.

What are the views of MN???

Lately I came across a mum who had a child of about 3 who had ASD. I was impressed that she had managed to toilet train him even though he had very little language.

'Oh I just smacked him a lot' she said. I did feel shocked at that but she believes she did the right thing. It's wrong to judge but very hard not to.

When I was about 6 or 7 my dad was about to smack me [for running out of the house after I had been put to bed and found by neighbour-my parents chatting in front room and I nipped out of back door].Dad put me over his knee and I kicked and screamed[he hadnt laid a finger on me!]Mum said,'What if we'd lost her Jim?'I was an only child.Dad put me down and I was taken up to bed,given hot milk and read a story.I still remember the whole incident and how I recognised their love and vowed inside never to make them so upset again.Neither of them ever hit me again though Mum threatened sometimes.

We get whole long threads about parents who are totally at the end of their tether with DCs who won't go to their rooms, won't sit on the naughty step won't won't won't!
I'm sorry I'm very old fashioned, I would give a slap on the leg and tell the child very firmly that they jolly well will.
Praise, distraction and removal of privileges all have their place, but sometimes the simplest oldest form of boundary setting still works.
I got the occasional slap of my parents, I was/am a cheeky stubborn character. My parents loved me totally and unconditionally, but for us all to live together peacefully boundaries had to be set. I respected that then and I do now.
I feel that those people who fill debates like this with anti corporal punishment comments about their own parents had bad relationships with them on many other levels too.

And being flippant a quick slap was infinitely better than an hours lecture, which was my DDads alternative when I was older.

The saddest thing is when you hear these words coming out of the mouth of a smacky parent

"IF YOU DON'T STOP HITTING HER, I'M GOING TO SMACK YOU"

Just about sums up the whole shit thinking behind giving someone a slap.

I do think we need to differenciate between an occasional tap/slap and regular serious abuse. Mainly as I think it really detracts from what is driminal behaviour (i.e. beating a child) and using mild physical discipline which is currently legal

Like aldiwhore I sit on the fence a little with this one, I do use physical retraint a lot at the moment as I have a lively 2yo, and I have smacked a total of 2 maybe 3 times.

I think it's true that it does perpetuate as I can remember being smacked once as a child, and having spoken to my DM, she used it as a very occasional form of punishment in the same way I have with DS for extreme behaviour

I really hope that now DS is 2.3 and understands more I will never smack him again, as I do think it should be the last resort, the occasions he's been smacked have related to him torturing our poor cat who for some unknown reason never retaliates (the last incident he pulled the cat off the windowsill and down the hall by it's tail, causing it temporary nerve damage to it's tail which made it incontient for 3 days the vet said we were lucky it wasn't permanent)

For me, it was an acceptable punishment as I could not make DS understand the pain he'd caused and it was the shock factor that made it work

I think if you smack regularly, it loses it's power and does just become meaningless violence

I have to say I really disagree with the whole "you wouldn't slap and adult" arugment though. I also wouldn't force an adult to hold my hand to cross the road, force an adult to sit down whilst eating and million other things I force DS to do. We treat adults and children differently because their comprehension levels are different so that isn't really a vaild anti-smacking point IMO

Did most people have a parent who favoured smacking more than the other??
my mum smacked me occasionally last time when i was 11 I smacked her back was like a reflex.

'I feel that those people who fill debates like this with anti corporal punishment comments about their own parents had bad relationships with them on many other levels too.'

Nope. I was smacked very occasionally. I have a great relationship with my parents. I think smacking is ineffective parenting and I don't believe physical pain is an appropriate punishment.

I remember being smacked vividly (taken upstairs, over dad's knee, left upstairs alone) but no clue what each occasion was for. Obviously really effective.

I feel that those people who fill debates like this with anti corporal punishment comments about their own parents had bad relationships with them on many other levels too.

I think I am partic 'filling' the debate, and my opinion is as valid as anyones.

I think my experience as a child polarises my viewpoint, yes. Not necessarily a bad thing.

Even if you do only light 'smacks', you are still doing something which is banned in most european countries. Roll on when it is banned here.

We do lots of things to dogs that wouldn't be considered appropriate with children eg shut them in the garden for 10 minutes or walk them on leads. I wouldn't hit a dog to discipline it.

if you were smacked as a child and had no idea why your parent was parenting you badly. just as if you were punish in a different manner and as a child you had no idea why you were being punish it would be ineffectual and ultimately pointless. a child needs to understand why they are being punished regardless of the punishment.

Being a childminder I may not smack a child, or even threaten to, but interestingly all my minded children tell me they are smacked at home, one even said " my mummy smacks me hard on my bottom"!

I asked why they go smacked, they told me because they were naughty!

"The thing is, nobody ever been able to explain to me exactly why you would want to smack a child, and what good it does.

Smacking in anger indicates a loss of control, which is understandable, but obviously unacceptable.

Smacking in cold blood - thinking about and deciding to hit a small child is obviously wrong.

So when is it OK to hit?"

Just repeating an earlier point in tthe hope of an answer!

I have a good relationship with my parents - they were great parents overall!
But they got it totally wrong with smacking though - and they told me several times that they felt really bad afterwards as they knew it was the wrong thing to do.

I can see how occasionally a parent may "lose it" and smack, particularly if DCs have put themselves in dangerous situations (run onto a busy road etc). It could happen to anyone - no one is perfect. I just simply do not understand using violence as a "disciplining option" - what are you going to do if the child hits back in self-defence (as a reflex, so to speak), keep on hitting them until they stop?

No, I never hit people

especially not people who are smaller than me

It is lazy, cowardly behaviour and the parents who do it should be ashamed of themselves IMO.

no one will be able to explain it to you seeker either because you dont want to listen to some one who smacks their child with an open mind. so why ask a question you have answered your self.
you state both times not even that you think its wrong but that its is wrong so why would any one from an opposite view point engage with you on this matter?

i can understand the simple reflex when a child has done something terrifiying like run into the street. That must be scary for everyone.

But the deliberate decision to hit a small child as a way to get it to toe the line is quite odd, imo.

I don't even hit the cat when it pisses on the floor

Yes but spook you cannot explain it - the reasoning you have used so far is ridiculously far from the point. You are quite honestly defending the indefensible, and how can you support something which is banned in most civilised countries?

my reflex when my sons are in immediate physical danger is to get them out of it

my reflex afterwards is to hug them, get down to their level and impress upon them - using my voice, not my hands - how important they are to me and how dangerous the behaviour was

I cannot understand people whose instinct is to hit

and I like to be able to tell my children unequivocally "we do not have ANY hitting in this house. We do not not use violence to solve our problems."

"you dont want to listen to some one who smacks their child with an open mind"

I am quite proud of being close-minded when it comes to consciously choosing to hit living creatures who are much smaller than you and therefore rather defenceless.

Like MrsMooo said, there is a difference btw an occassional smack (and I mean a light one) and regular physical abuse.
There are all sorts of abuse against children, and none of it can be justified. I know I'll probably get flamed for this but, doing CIO or CC, leaving a small baby to scream in sheer panic and terror, all alone in a room, not knowing if his mum will ever come back, even for a few minutes is also abuse in my book. Although it seems to be more acceptable than smacking.

"no one will be able to explain it to you seeker either because you dont want to listen to some one who smacks their child with an open mind"

I will listen with an open mind because this is something I would really like to know about. I am assumingn that people take the decision tonsmack with the same thoughtfulness with which I took the decision not to. I can eplain why I don't. Please could someone who uses smacking explain why they do?

i am not trying to defend any thing i dont have too, just engage in what i hoped against my better judgement might be an interesting debate on the subject. i do get annoyed when people start using terms like child abuse and beatings etc because as others have stated its not really helpful to the conversation and detracts from people have actually experienced such things.
my opinions are just as valid as yours getorf as you pointed out early and i dont happen to find them ridiculous just how i feel about the subject.

I also don't understand the instinct to hit a child when they've put themselves in danger. Mine would be to hug them and never let them go.

I don't like smacking and think that it should probably be illegal.

But can we please stop with the all the bollocks about smacking being 'unacceptable'?

It's perfectly acceptable in the UK, if it wasn't it would be illegal. It's acceptable to our parliament, it's acceptable to our government, and it's acceptable to the majority of the electorate.

Don't say "it's unacceptable" when what you mean is "I don't like it and think that it should be illegal".