to wonder how many people on here use physical discipline ..

[havinhoops1974]

compared to past generations??

I was thinking you hear so may of the older generation talking openly about using physical discipline on their kids compared to now where I almost hear people whispering it, but at the same time giving the old 'it doesnt do them any harm'

personallyn I dont advocate it , should always be a last resort, however I wont cricify someone who has slapped wrists etc at their wits end.

What are the views of MN???

No I would never and never have smacked my children, or used any physical force.
I was beaten and thrashed as a child, and all it taught me was that my parents didn't care how much I was hurt.

My mother never smacked because she'd been beaten badly as a child by her own mother. I think that's a pretty common reaction. I used the occasional smack on the wrist in extremis when DS wasn't old enough to understand warnings... usually when he was doing something either aggressive or dangerous that needed to stop straight away. Have asked DS about it since... he remembers absolutely nothing.

I took a quick bet with myself, then skimmed the thread- yep, there they are, as always. Running into then road and putting fingers in electric sockets.

Pro smackers, hold their hands and get socket covers. Then we'll never have to have this discussion ever again.

I don't. Ever.

I was hit as a child. I will never forget how that felt. The fear I felt. I used to flinch when either of my parents made a sudden move for many years after the last time they hit me. I am still a little afraid of my mum. I am nearly 38.

It was so unpredicatable. Something that would get a laugh one day would get a slap across the face the next. I once got a slap across the face for nearly - nearly stepping on my mum's glasses I got a slap across the face for holding up my fingers to indicate my age to someone rather than telling them. My dad hit me with his belt because he had 'tried everything' to get me to stop lying (I went through what is a very common phase in childhood, of telling stories!) he couldn't make me stop so he gave me six of his belt.

I will never do that to my children. I will never make them afraid of me.

I wouldn't hit anyone else to try to make them do what I wanted / behave how I wanted. WHY would I do something to the two most precious people in the world to me that I wouldn't do to a stranger on the bus?

I have never hit my children. They have never run into the road because I have prevented it. They have never stuck a hand in the fire because I have prevented it.

I won't do to my children what my parents did to me. Just thinking about doing it upsets me.

Actually, I tell a lie. as soon as I pressed post I remembered 2 events. 1 when my first child was a newborn and I was in the grip of pnd so severe I had almost lost touch with reality. He was wriggling on the changing mat and I slapped his leg. I cried for days. Then, a couple of years later, out of total frustration at my own failure to make him (poor older child again ) understand me, listen to me... I lashed out. He hit me back and I'm glad he did. I deserved it. Nobody has the right to lay a finger on you without you defending yourself and I'm glad he knows that.

I am so ashamed of those two things that it seems I blocked them from my mind.

Smacking is venting your own frustration

Not necessarily. If you think it's an appropriate punishment, you might not be frustrated at all when you smack.

That sounds horrendous Hectate!
I haven't smacked....yet. Came close a couple of times but generally we are lucky in that we have a pretty good boy. He responds quite well to toy taking or we have a 'calm down mat' where he goes if he's lost it.
However I will point out that I was smacked as a child on my bum, no where else that I can remember and that is all it was. I wasn't beaten as is being described.
It's a shock tatic not a being beaten into submission thing. This is where people use it inappropiatly and it becomes a beating rather than a couple of whacks on the bum.
And i think my parents did the right thing.

What exactly do you mean by "physical discipline"?????

I have, on many occasions, caught elder toddler to restrain him from hitting younger toddler and held him until calmer - that's physical restraint.

I have also picked up a misbehaving child and removed him from the scene. Physical dominance and manhandling.

Concentrating on smacking misses the point of the question in the title. There is much much more to physical discipline than one technique.

Could I ask posters, if they read the thread again, to include whether they have used any form of physical discipline?

I know, jackin. I will never forgive myself for doing it

I physically restrain. My children have autism. When they were younger, they needed to be restrained for their own safety. Esp my eldest. I would get him on the floor, wrap my legs around his legs, my arms around his arms and tuck my head into the small of his back.

This was not physical discipline as the restraint was not a punishment for wrongdoing.

been naughty - slap = physical discipline
been naughty - hold down = physical discipline
trying to throw self down stairs - restrained for own safety = not physical discipline

I've skimmed the thread (up to 07:01:20)

10 have used physical discipline (restraint, smacking, dominance) 5 have not, 4 have discussed but answered the questions.

Hecate I think she meant what happened to you and not what you have done on 2 isolated occasions that you are ashamed and sorry for.

I have once hit my ds1 - He and ds2 were swinging around a skipping rope with wooden handles and after asking them a couple of times to stop before one of them was hurt or I would take it away I went to follow through and take it. He was cross and threw the handle at my face. I slapped him on his arm. It was a completely involuntary act. He was very shocked and upset - much more than hurt w=from me hitting him. I was shocked too that that had been my reaction. I held him and explained that I was very wrong to do that but that he was also very wrong to do something to hurt me and we both ended up apoogising to each other.

Ds1 ironically is much easier to discipline and time out works really well. Ds2 on the other hand is a tricky one. he pushes my buttons like nooone else and I have been tempted to hit him on numerous occasions because nothing else works and time out / taking toys away etc is just met with smirking. I never have though and it would be wrong to whack him in anger so I take myself away but I don't know what else to do sometimes. The only thing that works is taking away his much loved toy rabbit and of course once that has been done there is nothing else. I am sure it is an attention thing as he is much better behaved when its just the 2 of us and his brother is at school but I am hoping it is something he will grow out of...

Othe physicle discipline? Yes I do those things meditrina but I and I am sure most others, would see that as different.

Good point meditrina. I ahve grabbed him to stop him going into road etc. And yesterday he was being stroppy and decided to 'pretend' to be a cat and scratched me with swiping claws. So i grabbed his arms and lifted him up to my eye level and said that I didn't like being scratched and that it wasn't very nice.
Hectate, I know you feel mean but I dare say your child doesn't even remember. Don't let it hold you back from giving appropiate punishment in the form that you choose because you are feeling guilty. That'll have the opposite effect and spoil your boy.

I never hit - but I do grab - and wonder where that stands on the moral landscape.

I will routinely use my greater physical strength to make sure kids are dressed, stay seated during meals, don't hurt their sibs, walk to school at a reasonable pace and in the right direction. It makes me wince inside every time it happens - but I wonder if I'm a bit soft. My babysitter whipped me with a leather belt (aged 6) for losing sight of her in the park - and I don't think that she was otherwise unhinged.

Threads like this make me feel physically ill.

The endless justifications for hurting small children

Sloppy, careless parenting.

'I physically restrain. My children have autism. When they were younger, they needed to be restrained for their own safety. Esp my eldest. I would get him on the floor, wrap my legs around his legs, my arms around his arms and tuck my head into the small of his back.

This was not physical discipline as the restraint was not a punishment for wrongdoing.

I've done that on numerous occasions with DS when younger and in meltdown. He has Asperger's, and I never considered it discipline, just damage control for all.

I hit ds1 only once when he was 2ish i think, he grabbed for a boiling pan and in a pure knee jerk reaction i slapped his arm bloody hard. We both stood there stunned and then we burst into tears. I've never hit him since, the shock on his little face still upsets me.

wherthewildthingwere, i think you have taken previous posts out of content.

We are talking about discipline, not beating our children to a pulp.

I was smacked as a child, yes smacked, not beaten, and i have smacked my children.

I totally agree about not smacking after loosing your temper, as this is physical abuse, but a small smack, used at the correct time can work.

All of my 3 children where bought up with the 3 warning system, and it does work.

I warn them once, then twice, then the third time they get smacked, but, i do find, as they have gotten older, i don't need to warn them more then twice.

My youngest is 4, not bothered about the naughty step, and will sit on it all day, he isn't bothered if toys are taken off him, but, the 3 warning system works well with him. My 2 older children, who are 7 and 13, lose privlages (SP) as i totally agree about smacking a teenager and seeing what you get back.

We all have different parenting skills, and unfortunately, sometimes it is trial and error, but i am def not a sloppy or careless parent.

yep i'm a physical discipliner.

I was smacked and will never smack. Violence is not the answer in any context, especially against someone whose care is entrusted to you. It is lazy to think otherwise, it may have a short term effect but Bugger all positive effect long term.

I do have to restrain ds1 as he escalates from shouty to physical violence very quickly, and therefore I have to keep him away from his intended victim or stop him from hitting me. The only thing I have to do with ds2 is pick him up and put him on the step.

I grew up in a society where smacking was frowned upon (and shortly to be banned) and we still had enormous respect for our parents. I think of smacking as a weak form of discipline, for people who haven't got enough natural authority to impose their will. Our parents never needed it.

I was smacked and physically/emotionally disciplined in a variety of ways. My parents also favoured humiliation and mockery. Nice.

I don't smack, drag, ridicule, intimidate, push, mock, embarrass, cause physical discomfort for, or interrogate my children as a form of discipline. I was terrified of my parents growing up, had no respect for them and now, as an adult, remembering some of the things they did/said to me has caused a real barrier in my relationships with myself, them and other people.

I once cut my dad's arm with the heel of a stiletto boot (I was 17 at the time). So firstly, all he'd taught me was that if someone does something you don't like, you hit them. And secondly, he'd backed me into the corner of a room at the time and came towards me with his hand raised and that look in his eyes and I was terrified and lashed out in fear. And I still got punished for it.

In fact my parents still favoured physical discipline until I was 18 and my dad left home and my brother (15) was big enough to defend himself against it.

Happy days. And that is why I would never raise a hand to my children.

Smacking is a sign of weakness IMO, a sign that a parent cant control themself.

I grew up with parents who battered us. Not just smacking but lots of other physical punishments. I grew up scared but I didnt respect my parents, the violence made me lose any respect I had.

as someone that smacks even i get really bored of the "justifications" from the people that do. the electrical sockets or running in the road ones are usually top of the list. oddly i have never smacked my children for these things because you would be smacking them from a place of angry or shock.
i dont understand why people dont just say yes i smack my children because, it is part of my parenting Technic and let the people that want to use ridiculous comments like child abuse and weak parenting rage on.