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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it unreasonable to not answer the door when you are in?

128 replies

Lifeissweet · 02/10/2011 18:13

I am asking because there is someone outside the door at the moment and they have rung the doorbell 4 times. It is obviously someone who knows I am here.

The problem is, I've been gardening all day and have just got out of a long, hot bath. I am red in the face, my hair is wet and I am in my dressing gown. I don't want to face anyone like this - especially when I could open the door and be confronted with anyone.

I feel guilty, though, and like I should go in case it's important.

So, am I being unreasonable? Will they think I'm being rude? Because it's just rung again and it's stressing me out

OP posts:
Bearskinwoolies · 03/10/2011 15:43

I work night shift - so why should I answer the phone or the door and disrupt my sleep? My blinds/curtains are closed, and even my window cleaners know this means I'm asleep. I now switch off the landline, put my mobile on silent and wear earplugs. People should know better IMO.

The area I live in is not so nice, we've had drunken idiots at the door before, so I reserve the right to not answer.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/10/2011 15:50

Katie - perhaps you should have handed her the shitty baby and said 'Here - hold him whilst I go and look it up on the internet for you'!! evilGrin

KatieMiddleton · 03/10/2011 17:03

Grin At that point I would've been tempted. I think I may have shouted tersely said "Yes I'm sure it's a fucking salvia!" Stood on my doorstep in the centre of town Blush

Bunbaker · 03/10/2011 18:14

My goodness. I'm glad I don't have you lot of misanthropists for neighbours. I, too, think it is rude to ignore the phone/doorbell.

Maybe it is because I am nice and sociable that most of my callers are friends or friendly neighbours or DD's friends calling for her. Don't your children ever have friends calling for them or are they scared off by their miserable unsociable parents.

I just hope that none of you need to call on each other for help because you would be ignored.

What is the world coming to?

AuntieMaggie · 03/10/2011 18:29

I only answer the door if I can be bothered if I know who it is as most of the time it's sales people or something.

Pissfarterleech · 03/10/2011 18:51

Oh yeah, good point!

Our doorbell never stops with kids coming round, there are always kids here, my house as a kid was always the house the kids played at and I love that it's ours now!
We're a pretty big family ourselves so always plenty of noise/food going on!

Pissfarterleech · 03/10/2011 18:54

And, as I'm on a roll, I'm quite shocked that for some of you, the bell going means it's usually salespeople.

It would never occur to me that it would be a salesperson. It's always a friend, neighbour, child, family.

I think that if your bell is rung mostly by salespeople, hmm, you might want to look at why that is. If you know you are anti social, there's your answer!

SnakeOnCrack · 03/10/2011 19:02

Haha, love all the telling off for not answering doors. It's the collapse of society!

I don't tend to answer my door.. well I do if I'm feeling nosy and want to know who is destroying my calm.. otherwise.. no.

I'm plenty social though don't worry.

KatieMiddleton · 03/10/2011 19:18

Why is my doorbell nearly always rung by sales people or parcel delivery people for the neighbours? Hmmmm. I think probably because of the following:

  1. I live in London
  2. Most of my friends work during the day or have young children so can't pitch up on the off chance I won't be in because they can't just pop back down the street.
  3. Our friends are spread far and wide.
  4. I am at home during the day when all the hawkers, god-botherers, meter-readers, catalogue-droppers and general clipboard-wielders are out and about.

Or I can summarise that I do not live in a soap opera where everyone is best chums/sworn mortal enemies and my friends are well mannered enough to call ahead Grin

My parents live in the other kind of world though but they are in a small community and their neighbours are their closest friends.

pocketfullofposies · 03/10/2011 19:24

"I think that if your bell is rung mostly by salespeople, hmm, you might want to look at why that is. If you know you are anti social, there's your answer!"

And? You say that as if I might give the tiniest of shits that it makes me antisocial?

Pissfarterleech · 03/10/2011 19:27

What happens with your children? Does no one call for them? Do they not have friends round?

pocketfullofposies · 03/10/2011 19:30

Hmm My children are three and one.

Yes they have friends round. They can't reach the doorbell though Grin

Their mother's bring them round and they do that by prior arrangement because none of them live within walking distance. Is that ok?

They're not locked in a cupboard or anything. I can see it's a struggle for you to understand that others may live differently to you and yet still socialise so I won't labour you with any more details.

grumplestilskin · 03/10/2011 19:32

YABU because they've rung 4 times, YWNBU to ignore if they rang once.

recently I ignored and it rang another 2 times so I answered, was neighbour telling us we left our car door open, glad it wasn't left all night!

I think a 4 time ring = bloody answer this is important!

KatieMiddleton · 03/10/2011 19:41

My child is 2yo. I would be very impressed if any of his little friends caught a bus to see him Grin

Tianc · 03/10/2011 19:55

And over on another thread, a MN who thinks she may have broken her foot is saying she can't possibly go to A&E till the DC go to school tomorrow, even if leaving it risks the bones shifting and needing an operation to reset.

People are telling her to go ask a neighbour...

ReadRideABikeSwim · 03/10/2011 19:59

ringing the doorbell four times is plain rude

i answer the door when it suits me - my house- my perogative

grumplestilskin · 03/10/2011 20:04

its only rude to ring 4 times if its not something very important

the op does not know if this was the case or not.

lljkk · 03/10/2011 20:12

I understand OP's predicament (not being presentable), and the people who are tired of unwanted salesman, but in general I think it's very STRANGE not to answer your door.

What if it's a delivery? The neighbour come to tell you that your roof is on fire? A man in uniform letting you know the lekki is about to be shut off? Someone come to tell you your kid just got run over? Or one of your child's friends to come call?

All kind of reasons to mostly answer.

pollyblue · 03/10/2011 20:21

I had someone ring my several times doorbell one night, I wasn't happy as just out of the bath but did stick my head round - was a young girl, out of her mind because she thought she was being followed. She said she'd rung the doorbell at several other houses in the street, but nobody had answered, although lights were on. So I let her in to phone her Mum (this was years back, before mobile phones were the norm.)

Alright, that was unusual I know, but i would've thought someone ringing four times really needed to speak to you. Unless you're Mystic Meg you don't know why someone is knocking....couldn't you at least stick your head out of a window to see?

ReadRideABikeSwim · 03/10/2011 20:53

four times at night is definitely different

I can ACTUALLY remember the last time someone did ring my bell for something important ( was about to say i couldnt!) it was last december and my parked car had just been all but written off by a hit and runner!

nickelbabe · 04/10/2011 10:18

I answered the door this morning when I was getting dressed (i seem to have a theme going....)
We lock the porch door at night, and the door was knocked (the bell is inside the porch), and I thought it must be the postman, so I answered it in a towel.
It wasn't, it was a pair of meter readers.
Annoying, of course, because the meter cupboard is in the porch and if it had been unlocked, I would have been undisturbed.

2rebecca · 04/10/2011 13:17

I often leave it if busy, I am usually at work during the day so don't get friends or family coming round so it would be a salesman, religious nut or meter reader.

RainboweBrite · 04/10/2011 14:50

Of course not! I only answer the door if I feel like it (unless my DS gives the game away first and I've got no choice!)

ineedabodytransplant · 04/10/2011 15:41

I work from home mostly, and sometimes it can be very disturbing to stop what I am doing to answer the door to find another cold caller. Especially as I have a very polite notice saying I do not want to be sold anything at the door. If I think I need something I have Google..Grin

I have now fitted a small camera activated by movement. Anybody walking up the drive I can clearly see. My choice whether to answer or not. Anyone with their id hanging round their neck, and a clipboard is ignored. Likewise any couples on a Tuesday are generally JW so are also ignored.

I can see parcels being delivered, friends, neighbours etc without leaving my computer.

But to the OP, it's your house. Your choice. Who gives anyone the right to demandexpect you to answer/open your door just because they are knocking/ringing? What makes them so special....?

ineedabodytransplant · 04/10/2011 15:43

Mind you, when we were young if the door went and we were in we usually were told by our mother to hide behind the sofa because it was usually the rent/provident collector...Blush

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