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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it unreasonable to not answer the door when you are in?

128 replies

Lifeissweet · 02/10/2011 18:13

I am asking because there is someone outside the door at the moment and they have rung the doorbell 4 times. It is obviously someone who knows I am here.

The problem is, I've been gardening all day and have just got out of a long, hot bath. I am red in the face, my hair is wet and I am in my dressing gown. I don't want to face anyone like this - especially when I could open the door and be confronted with anyone.

I feel guilty, though, and like I should go in case it's important.

So, am I being unreasonable? Will they think I'm being rude? Because it's just rung again and it's stressing me out

OP posts:
icd · 03/10/2011 10:15

Open the door with just a towel around you, preferably with shampoo in your hair and still dripping, and ask them where the fire is - that'll teach them!

jellybeans · 03/10/2011 10:17

I don't answer it unless I know who it is, if I am not in the mood. Never answer it if on my own at night. I never answer to cold callers/JWs.

Pinot · 03/10/2011 10:20

I would never open the door in my dressing gown, no matter who it is. It's just not done, dahlink.

That said, my front door may as well be a revolving door as the dcs are in and out playing and inviting in little humans to play all the god damn day.

One day I shall wear jimjams all day long and not open the door.

One day.

Pinot · 03/10/2011 10:20

I hate talking on the phone though - gives me hives.

BarmyBiscuit · 03/10/2011 10:26

I never, ever answer the door unless I know it's a delivery I am waiting for. I'm anti-social like that.

nickelbabe · 03/10/2011 10:36

I had someone knock on my door yesterday evening.
Most annoying, as I had spent most of the day in just ateeshirt, so I had to find some trousers and struggle to put them on.

When I answered it, it was the son of next door neighbour who had taken it upon himself to give us some sheets of metal for the top of the chicken run.
Checking to see if they were okay and if they were what we wanted.

Well, acutally, no, they're not what we wanted (DH had pointed out what we wanted, I assume they were having a general discussion about it, because it's the same as the stuff that we've already got on the roof of the coop)- they're sheet metal. We keep the chickens for eggs , we don't want to cook them as they wander around in the day.
and we told your mum that the run was 4ft by 9ft, so why have you sent around 4 panels of 1msq? And DH is away, and I'm not moving them, and I'm not even thinking about them until he gets back.

Why do people always insist on giving you stuff when they know it's not what you wanted? Confused

nickelbabe · 03/10/2011 10:45

me too Pinot - I have a horrid phobia of phones. I have to answer them at work, and hate hate hate it.
I hate making calls, i hate receiving them.
I won't answer the phone if I don't know the number that's ringing (unless at work. of course, cos I have no choice!).
I can't make small talk, I can neve rthink of what to say, and I can't do getting rid of cold callers eithers.
When I have to ring customers, I almost feel like cheering if I get their answerphone, so I can jsut say what I need to and hang up.

Noone understands this though - they insist on ringing, or telling you to ring someone.

My Ex useed to piss me off something chronic with this - I would send him a text, because I had something quick to say, or needed confirmation or whatever, and then he would ring me to talk about it. No you fucker, I texted you because that was convenient for me not because I wanted a sodding conversation. Why can't you just accept that?? but he had the opposite - he said he couldn't understand why people would text or email instead of picking up the phone! Not having any concept that people would email or text because they had a hundred other things to do, that they did it quickly in the middle of things, or like I would often with texts - i'd have a minute spare on my way out, or in, or eating my sandwiches, and I'd text what I needed to say before dashing off again.
(another annoying thing is that my old phone contreact meant that if anyone rang me and left a message, the phone would then keep ringing me to tell me that I had a voice mail! who the hell thought of that?? (send a quiet sneaky text during a meeting, then have your phone ring and ring and ring for the next 20 minutes!!)

Pinot · 03/10/2011 11:02

heh heh nickel - sooooo me too!

PelvicFloors0fSteel · 03/10/2011 11:05

I don't answer the door if I've seen door to door sales people or chuggers approaching, we have a no cold callers sign but some of them seem to think it doesn't apply to them (because what they have to offer is so special we couldn't possibly not want to know about it Hmm).

I was once really annoyed about someone knocking repeatedly at our door quite early on a Sunday morning, when I eventually crawled out of bed and answered it (this was pre-DC) I discovered a lovely chap who just wanted to let me know I'd left my car keys in the car door! Was rather pleased I got that one and embarrassed I'd left him waiting that long. Blush

Bunbaker · 03/10/2011 13:08

"I always open the door and answer the phone.
You never know who it is and several times someone has needed my help. No one is an island and all that."

I agree. Obviously I'm not a typical mnetter because I do anser the phone (OH works from home so it could be a customer) and answer the door.

Those of you who don't answer the phone - how do you know it isn't someone ringing so that they can come round. Or do you all only use your mobiles these days and not bother with a landline?

Of the non friends who have rung my my doorbell recently:
One was a neighbour bringing round some apples from her apple tree
One was another neighbour to bring round some money he owed us (OH orders wine for him)
One was yet another neighbour who had taken a parcel in while we were out
Others have been parcel deliveries

The rest have been friends.

Why are so many of you so unsociable? I also think it is odd not to want to know who it is.

Pissfarterleech · 03/10/2011 13:18

Like I say, very depressing this thread.

I couldn't live like that, I love chatting in the phone, at the door, love having people pop by. It's called being part of society, no?

And I wouldn't want my children to grow up thinking it's okay to be antisocial ( and rude, in my eyes) by ignoring doors and phones.

I just think it isn't very brave or polite behaviour, it's a bit well, crap and little womany , not answering your own door or a phone. Learn to deal with people rather than hide away.

mummasita · 03/10/2011 13:23

No it's not...it is after all your door.

mummasita · 03/10/2011 13:28

Is it Pinot and NickelB..I thought it was just me. I also hate answering the fone having mindless chatter about nothing and I'm a woman..lol I'd rather email, hate the telephone maybe because i used to be a receptionist.

AgentProvocateur · 03/10/2011 13:47

There seem to be only three of us on this thread who would answer the door if they weren't expecting a visitor. What if one of your DCs had had an accident or needed help, and no-one answered their door to them? What if you thought you were being followed at night and your phone had run out of charge? What if it was Gary Barlow with a cheque for £100,000? Wink

Tianc · 03/10/2011 13:50

I have been the neighbour with mobility problems trying three times to deliver a parcel I have kindly taken in ? and for which I opened my door, sometimes getting up and staggering downstairs to do so. Sometimes it turns out I have opened my door because the addressee has refused to ? they weren't expecting the delivery just then or it was for another member of the household.

I've also had to tell people that water is leaking from their flat into ours.

Of course there is no compulsion to ever answer the door ? and if you're starkers from the bath or changing a nappy then of course you wouldn't. And nothing wrong with spy-holes and curtain-twitching. But honestly, what a rotten bunch of neighbours you must be if you never open the door.

PessimisticMissPiggy · 03/10/2011 13:51

I only answer my door if I'm expecting someone or I know them. YANBU.

itisnearlysummer · 03/10/2011 13:55

But Pissfarterleech you said it yourself, you love it. I don't. I'm not anti social, but neither do I need other people interrupting me, my family and our lives.

Our friends/family do ring but I only answer if it's convenient. If not, I do 1471 or let the answermachine get it. Sometimes I just don't fancy talking to anyone.

I don't think it's crap or womany (whatever that means!) to not answer the door if I am drinking a nice cup of coffee and reading a good book/watching a good film/getting ready to go out for a run/showering after a run/making dinner/eating dinner/am in the middle of a sewing project/playing the piano or whatever. I might consider answering during ironing, but wouldn't generally cos I do the ironing nekkid!

Why is it rude to not answer a phone if you are busy? By that logic it's rude for them to have interrupted me in the first place!

Don't really get the brave thing either.

nickelbabe · 03/10/2011 14:07

yes, muma - i think mine might have lways been there, but definitely exacerbated by working in a call centre (it was the only job going!) - I got to the end of the day, and I would be cowering at the sound of a phone going.

bunbaker - that's what answerphones are for - if they want to speak to me, I'll ring them back.

nickelbabe · 03/10/2011 14:10

btw, I do answer the door (if it's convenient, obviously)

NotADudeExactly · 03/10/2011 14:24

The only people who ever ring my door bell unexpectedly are a) proselytizers and b) bailiffs (seems the guy who used to live here before us had a bit of a debt problem).

I open for the former if bored and up for a bit of a discussion. Never for the latter. If they weren't so rude I might feel more inclined to prove that I am who I claim I am.

GetOrfMo1Land · 03/10/2011 14:30

I turned the ringer off my landphone in the end, as I never answered it, so there was no point in having it ring. If anyone wants to get hold of me they can call my mobile.

I also rarely answer the door, anyone who knows me knows that (a) I am hardly ever in anyway and (b) if I am in and want some peace I will not open the door. So anyone who wants to see me calls to arrange first. As I would then. I don't drop in on friends or family, and don't want them dropping in on me.

If I am in the kitchen and some salesman or proseletyser knocks on the door and sees me, I wave at them merrily as I walk out the door on my way to the sitting room.

I don't have to answer the door, it's my door and if I don't want to be disturbed, I think that's fine.

Laughing at the assumption that not answering the door to eon/parcelforce for next door/randomers is not contributing to society Grin

GetOrfMo1Land · 03/10/2011 14:31

And I don't know my neighbours.

I am evidently an antisocial bastard Grin

KatieMiddleton · 03/10/2011 14:42

IME if it's the old bill they don't knock and then knock again. They do a sort of continuous hammer. This has only happened once though.

The only person who repeatedly knocked on my door was some nutter who wanted to know what one of the plants in my front garden was Hmm I answered the door dressed only in a dressing gown with damp hair, holding a naked, shit-smeared baby (had just got out of the shower when DS did a mammouth shit and I'd hauled him mid-nappy change because I thought it was an emergency). She then have the nerve to quiz me as to whether I was sure. I was Shock Hmm and Angry

YANBU to not answer the door.

aliceliddell · 03/10/2011 14:45

I absolutely bloody hate people dropping in. Gah! When I was less crippled, I'd have summoned the very time-limited energy to do whatever (obviously not as important as swapping gas supplier or make somebody a cup of tea) to be interrupted and therefore prevented from doing it. Gah!

HowAboutAHotCupOfShutTheHellUp · 03/10/2011 14:47

YANBU. Our doorbell buzzed y/d. My DP and I both mumbled something along the lines of 'no chance' and then just got on with whatever we were doing.