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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it unreasonable to not answer the door when you are in?

128 replies

Lifeissweet · 02/10/2011 18:13

I am asking because there is someone outside the door at the moment and they have rung the doorbell 4 times. It is obviously someone who knows I am here.

The problem is, I've been gardening all day and have just got out of a long, hot bath. I am red in the face, my hair is wet and I am in my dressing gown. I don't want to face anyone like this - especially when I could open the door and be confronted with anyone.

I feel guilty, though, and like I should go in case it's important.

So, am I being unreasonable? Will they think I'm being rude? Because it's just rung again and it's stressing me out

OP posts:
TakeThisOneHereForAStart · 02/10/2011 21:06

bibbity - "I doubt someone would ring the doorbell 4 times unless it was urgent. Ask who it is through the door for heaven's sake!"

Some of the sales people do, if they know you are in. As do some of the religious callers. I was up in the loft once when someone knocked, twice, but by the time I was back down the ladder and then down the stairs to the front door they had gone. So I looked out the window and they spotted me from over the road and came back. It was two very sweet, elderly ladies asking me about my religious views etc, and they weren't getting much joy from my neighbours so it was worth it to them to come back and try again.

And I've had one of the utility companies knock about five times because he could see the front window was open and the TV was on. He wasn't too happy when I answered the door clutching the worlds most toxic nappy and a very angry baby and told him to sod off (slightly more politely), but at least he knew what he'd disturbed me from doing.

SalmeMurrikAgain · 02/10/2011 21:12

I often used to ignore the doorbell at my old house, as I lived in a rather lively road and callers were often random strangers asking for money or religious proselytizers. Must admit to feeling quite shit after discovering that I had ignored an elderly neighbour with poor mobility who had struggled up to the door with a package for me, though Blush Sad

Now live somewhere quieter, DH is f/t dad at present and he always answers the door but finds there are a lot more door-to-door salespeople here, so it's swings and roundabouts, I suppose.

DeepPurple · 02/10/2011 21:18

YANBU

Always when I am sleeping in the day after a night shift the doorbell will ring. Guaranteed it's always an important parcel or whatnot so I end up answering the door.

Last time I had just drifted into a deep sleep when the bell rang then a fist hammered at my door. I decided to ignore it then the bell rang again. I decided it must be important so I dragged myself out of bed and answered the door. It was a bloody Jehovas Witness. I am usually polite but this time I ranted at her about how the F*king blinds were closed and how it was f*king obvious I didn't want to be disturbed. I then slammed the door in her face Blush

Point of note: I have no problem with anyone of any religion. I just do not want anyone hammering on my door especially when every blind and curtain is shut.

GalaxyWeaver · 02/10/2011 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SalmeMurrikAgain · 02/10/2011 21:31

People hammering on the door does get my goat, as it's generally rude. Exceptions would include the police banging on the door at our old house and knocking our doorbell skew-wiff(!) in their hurry to tell DH to evacuate due to a fire at the garage twelve doors away - garage also had propane tanks!

Our old postman would always bang on the door really loudly when delivering packages. When I was on maternity leave I would cheerfully ignore him and stay snoozing with tiny DS, preferring to wander down to the sorting office next day rather than deal with the grumpy sod Grin

madmomma · 02/10/2011 21:46

YANBU. I quite often don't answer the door or phone. Why the hell should we all be 'open all hours' ?

FebreezeYourJeans · 02/10/2011 21:57

I always answer the door, although have intercom thingy so don't have to physically open the door. I am more cynical than you lot (or born & brought up in London) because I always think there is a chance it's someone up to no good - checking that the house is empty before trying to come in and make off with the TV Grin

AgentProvocateur · 02/10/2011 21:58

I always say to the DC that if they are being followed or are in trouble to go to the nearest house with a light on and knock on the door. The last time I had to knock on a stranger's door was when I stopped to help a dying cat at the side of the road. I would always anwer the door in case it's someone who needs help.

heleninahandcart · 02/10/2011 22:19

YANBU just because they ring, you certainly don't have to answer.

sneakybeak · 02/10/2011 22:23

Oh I take the batteries out of the doorbell on trick or treat night. Can't be doing with the dog barking.. or giving out food

Pendeen · 02/10/2011 22:26

OP - are you in a town or city? The suburbs? A village. A house milles from anywhere? On an island?

The answer could make the difference between YANBU or YABU.

NellieForbush · 02/10/2011 22:27

YANBU. Your door your choice!!

jellybrains · 02/10/2011 22:28

I don't anwer the door until I have peeped through the nets. I once saw 2 blokes walking down the road as I was coming home from work, i put my car in the garage, they obviously saw me come into the house and rang the bell and knocked on door for about 5 minutes, i felt very intimidated!

boohoobabywho · 02/10/2011 22:35

we have a frosted glass frontdoor which we keep locked. when the bell rings its usually for our 7yr old!

so we dont bother... she gets it, but if she sees a big 'shadow' she shouts...'its a grown up' and walks away!

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 02/10/2011 22:40

If I don't feel like answering the door (e.g. am in jammies, or just have had enough that day) then I either get my dd to look out of the playroom window as chances are it's one of her friends, or I tiptoe up to the spy hole thingummy and peer through. And then either ignore it, or open it and poke my head around depending on who it is.
I'm actually quite friendly and welcoming, but I do like a bit of notice!

BustersOfDoom · 02/10/2011 22:53

I rarely answer if I am in. Friends or relatives always phone before they come round, and none come on spec cos they work or have commitments, and on the occasions I've been off work and have answered the door it has always been someone trying to sell me stuff - even though we have a police produced sticker on it to say we don't buy or sell on the doorstep. The latest tactic seems to be that they put an imaginary information pack through the door about the changes at our telephone exchange meaning our broadband should be 50% cheaper than we are currently paying. Yeah right. Bog off.

The Royal Mail parcel bloke always delivers to us between 7am and 7.30am, my close neighbours have my phone number for emergencies, so unless I'm expecting a delivery from a courier firm that day I ignore the door. It just saves me from getting stressed.

Pissfarterleech · 03/10/2011 07:40

Why would it be stressful to open your own front door?
If it's someone you don't want to deal with you decline politely and firmly.

It's a bit sad really, never answering your door. I couldn't live like that. I love friends popping in and neighbours, you never know who might need help or indeed, if you ever do I hope the people whose door you are banging on aren't hiding like some of you do!

What a depressing thread! So much for being part of the community!

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 03/10/2011 07:43

I don't answer my door if it is not convenient.

What's the point?

I am busy. I won't be able to take time out to deal with whoever it is, so why open the door just to send them away?

If I am not busy, I open the door.

You don't have to answer your door no matter what you are doing.

Pissfarterleech · 03/10/2011 07:52

I just think it's odd.

If someone is at my door they want or need someone in my family so I answer it.

I have no problems giving people a polite bum's rush, though!

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 03/10/2011 08:11

normally what they want or need is to
1 read my meter for the 6th time this month
2 sell me a crappy dishcloth for a fiver
3 ask me for the catalogue they dropped through my door without so much as a byyourleave and get arsy with me when I can't lay my hands on it straight away. Apparently - It Costs Me Money Don't You Know. Well, don't push it through people's door then.
4 try to convert me to mormon erm - ism Grin
5 try to convert me to jw and possibly tell me I'm damned
6 ask me to take a parcel in for my neighbour, who will then not come round but will expect me to deliver said parcel to them and will not even thank me
7 ask me to set up a dd to a charity and then get nasty when I say that I don't give out my bank details on the doorstep
8 ask me if I know if my neighbour is in Hmm
9 ask me to complete a survey that will "only take two minutes" but actually takes 20 and ends with them trying to sell me something
10 try to bully me into changing energy suppliers and get really nasty when I don't want to.

So.

Thanks, but no thanks Grin

Pissfarterleech · 03/10/2011 08:12

I feel I'm missing out! Though to be fair, we live down a little track so it's an effort.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 03/10/2011 08:14
Grin
Whatmeworry · 03/10/2011 08:31

Agree with Hecate - its about 1 time in 10 that opening the door actually benefits you, and about 1 in 10 when its a genuine need for your help.

Its also why we now have a 'phone answering machine, to filter the spammers.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 03/10/2011 08:52

I've lived here for 6 years.

Do you know how many times an unexpected knock at the door has been something that benefits me or a need for my help?

zero.

Yup.

zero.

In 6 years.

Now I feel like I'm missing out Grin

itisnearlysummer · 03/10/2011 10:04

If the phone rings/doorbell goes it's an alert that someone wishes to speak with me. It's not an instruction for me to stop what I'm doing and answer it.

Everyone who knows me knows I don't do the 'pop-in', therefore, it's not going to be a friend. If it's someone selling, canvassing, whatever, I don't want to speak to them anyway, so no obligation to answer.

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