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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it unreasonable to not answer the door when you are in?

128 replies

Lifeissweet · 02/10/2011 18:13

I am asking because there is someone outside the door at the moment and they have rung the doorbell 4 times. It is obviously someone who knows I am here.

The problem is, I've been gardening all day and have just got out of a long, hot bath. I am red in the face, my hair is wet and I am in my dressing gown. I don't want to face anyone like this - especially when I could open the door and be confronted with anyone.

I feel guilty, though, and like I should go in case it's important.

So, am I being unreasonable? Will they think I'm being rude? Because it's just rung again and it's stressing me out

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 02/10/2011 18:48

Haven't you got a spyhole?

madonnawhore · 02/10/2011 18:49

YANBU. But I do kind of want to know who it was now.

OldBagWantsNewBag · 02/10/2011 18:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sportsfanatic · 02/10/2011 18:49

Never open the door around 11am on a Sunday - always the blasted Jehovah's Witnesses.

bibbitybobbityhat · 02/10/2011 18:50

I doubt someone would ring the doorbell 4 times unless it was urgent. Ask who it is through the door for heaven's sake!

YouDoTheMath · 02/10/2011 18:54

I never answer unless I'm expecting someone.

Anyone who turns up unexpectedly can either a) bugger off or b) ring my mobile.

sayithowitis · 02/10/2011 19:28

We frequently don't answer the door unless we are expecting someone. and we didn't answer it this afternoon, even though whoever it was knocked several times - we were taking advantage of a teenager free afternoon Grin

DontGoCurly · 02/10/2011 19:36

YANBU

I only answer the door to people I know. If I look out and see a stranger I ignore it!

LineRunner · 02/10/2011 19:38

If it was the police they would shout through the door to you if it was urgent.

YANBU to ignore unexpected callers. You are perfectly entitled to be in the shower/asleep/unavailable to answer the door. They should have either (a) called ahead; or (b) not bothered you in the first place.

We are bloody plagued with cold callers at the moment despite most of the street having 'No Cold Caller' signs up. I am becoming quite rude to them, and actually think it is better that I simply don't answer the door. I don't like being aggressive with people, but there is something that particularly winds me up about having someone I don't know on my property, ignoring a polite notice, repeatedly ringing my bell, to try to sell me shit I don't want. It's never going to end well.

pocketfullofposies · 02/10/2011 19:41

I answer the door in the day. Never in the evening (unless I'm expecting someone).

It's always either someone selling something/wanting charity money or a local politician.

Sod that.

noyouhavehadawee · 02/10/2011 19:42

Have you returned your electoral registration form because if you havent they call round for it around this time of the year, they may call up to 4 times and keep coming back so if they know your in they will keep ringing to just get it over with and so they dont have to come out yet again - on this basis i would answer it because i have been such a canvasser and its really frustrating when someoen is sat there and wont answer the door. Other than that occasion YANBU Grin

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 02/10/2011 19:44

I don't answer the door when I don't feel like it, much as I don't answer the phone when I'm not in the mood to talk to someone. Sometimes I think I might be rude and anti-social but I don't like feeling obliged to interact .....

MotherOfHobbit · 02/10/2011 19:44

Hmm. It's your door. You can ignore it as much as you want - not in the least bit obliged to answer.
However, if I was someone ringing a bell, I'd only ring five times if it was something really important.

pocketfullofposies · 02/10/2011 19:45

I lost the plot once at a cold caller on the phone. We are registered to TPS so shouldn't get cold calls at all but I think this one originated in India and the rules are different then?

Anyway, my poor DD was rill with swine flu and had fallen asleep in my arms after an hour of soothing and rocking her. I had just managed to get her from my arms into her cot and the very next thing I was going to do was unplug the phone and of course I didn't make it in time and the phone woke up DD.

I also had swine flu and was pregnant and so utterly exhausted and so fucking angry (can remember the anger now, irrational in a lot of ways!) that someone felt it was ok to invade my privacy in that way. I never gave them my number, who the hell did they think they were to call me etc etc etc.

Makes my toes curl to think of it now and I feel very sorry for the poor guy who was just trying to earn a living but I do think it's an invasion to call or knock for someone you havce no relationship with just to sell them something.

pocketfullofposies · 02/10/2011 19:47

In fact I think it's a fucking liberty.

Ooh yes noyouhavehad, those electoral roll people are very persistent.

aldiwhore · 02/10/2011 19:48

If its someone you might actually want to see, someone who is close, then after repeated rings they'd phone you... if the phone rings within 10 minutes answer it! If not. Stay hidden.

Dillydollydaydream · 02/10/2011 19:50

We get loads of charity callers or sellers knocking round here sO I rarely answer unless I'm expecting someone.

MrsVoltar · 02/10/2011 19:56

YANBU, when my DS was little, my doorbell rang loads of times one day then knocking and I hurried to answer it thinking it must be something really important. Jehovah's Witness, I said "I thought it must be something really important", he replied "It is really important..."

I was not impressed.

zdcgbjm · 02/10/2011 20:10

I've had people not answer the door to my knocking 3 times.1st was a parcel for a neighbour that is taken in and they hadn't come for so I was dropping it round. 2nd was another neighbour whose child I'd found sobbing in the street because he thought his family had gone out without him and he couldn't get in the house. 3rd was to let someone know their small child, no more than 3, was hanging out of an upstairs window. I didn't even tell her about the older one being very rude because he was so sure she wouldn't answer the door. She did when I banged on the window though!

So IMO it's rude and stupid because you don't know why they're there. That said cold callers get pretty short shift from me.

hermioneweasley · 02/10/2011 20:16

Have started not answering the door. Haven't answered the phone in years!

sneakybeak · 02/10/2011 20:32

PMSL @ 'shouty-out-the-window' thing.

Visions of curlers, headscarfs and housecoats.

I tend to do the 'look-out-and-see-who-it-is' thing. If it's a stranger I don't answer.

Pissfarterleech · 02/10/2011 20:40

Dear god, I hope I never need help in any of your streets!

I always open the door and answer the phone.
You never know who it is and several times someone has needed my help. No one is an island and all that.

AKMD · 02/10/2011 20:49

YANBU, we have been woken up at 3am twice now by guests of our neighbors who keep getting the wrong house Angry I tried to ignore them the second time but they were so persistent they were going to wake up DS. I'm afraid I wasn't very polite!

TalesOfTheUnexpected · 02/10/2011 20:57

YANBU

I have a sign on my porch "no door to door salespeople"

People still called round. So I've added a typewritten sign that says:

"No utility companies
No religious organisations
I have house insulation
No political representatives"

And I've also added, "don't ring my doorbell unless you know me, need to read the meter or I owe you money".

It's working quite well. If anybody rings the bell, I open the window, never the door.

The things you have to do to have a quiet life! Grin

TakeThisOneHereForAStart · 02/10/2011 20:58

When my MIL was at her worst for stalking telephoning me (up to 17 times a day some days, plus several "we were just passing" visits in the same day), I recorded this on my answering machine.

"A ringing phone is an invitation, not a command. Take This and DH are not taking calls right now, please leave a message and then wait for us to call you back at a more convenient time."

And I stuck a sign on the door that said "New Mum and/or Baby are sleeping, DO NOT KNOCK OR TELEPHONE for any reason."

It's your house, it's your door, it's your phone. Just because you are home it doesn't mean it's convenient to have someone call and it's up to you to decide if you want to answer or ignore.