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Original poster

to be fuming at sexist Christmas Presents?

475 replies

WomanlyWoman · 02/10/2011 15:40

I attended my first PTA meeting the other night, during which I discovered that the pta have bought Christmas presents for every child in the school. Nice, right? Then I realised the presents were different according to gender, the older children get books, the younger ones such as my child, in reception, get crafty things from Yellow Moon. Great, except - the girls get flower presses, the boys get cars.

This has really p-ed me off bigtime. For one, my daughter likes cars, car was one of her first words, she adores Lightning McQueen and doesn't seem to realise that it's meant to be for boys. So what message does it give her about herself when she sees the boys getting cars while she gets a flower press? Admittedly she would probably like a flower press too, but that is not the point. What about nature loving boys? Why are these children being given the message that active dynamic machines are for boys and pretty, passive things like flowers are for girls? A nature theme for all of them or a transport theme for all of them would be fine by me, but this just seems so wrong.

I'm very shy by nature and I hardly know any of the other parents. The pta meeting itself was quite an ordeal for me, so I didn't speak up at the time. I thought it was pointless because the presents have already been bought. Why make myself unpopular, so soon, when it's already done and dusted.

Then I started thinking, it's only October, there may be time to send them back and order different ones if enough parents express an opinion similar to mine. Not sure how to go about it though. Opinions and advice appreciated.

OP posts:
aviatrix · 02/10/2011 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aviatrix · 02/10/2011 21:00

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WoTmania · 02/10/2011 21:00

Surely whether the OP's daughter like it is beside the point. This is a sexist division in a school. It starts small here but in 10 years time it'll be 'oh girls aren't as good as boys at physics/maths, I wouldn't bother if I were you' etc. And it does still happen. The slow drip drip eventually has an effect.

NormaStanleyFletcher · 02/10/2011 21:03

Personally, I think they should give the flower presses to the boys and the cars to the girls. Sorted.

AnnieLobeseder · 02/10/2011 21:03

And I think a lot of you are missing that the outrage being expressed by those of us objecting to this isn't remotely about whether the OP's daughter is grateful for the gift or whether she likes it or not.

It's about a school reinforcing gender stereotypes, which is wrong wrong wrong on any number of levels.

Allboxedin · 02/10/2011 21:03

I wonder for all of those who the pressy is a problem if they ever dress their children (or babies) in pink or blue?

Laquitar · 02/10/2011 21:03

By ElderberrySyrup 'so by the time they are school-age the stereotypes will be deeply rooted in their brains'.

Yes, exactly. Mostly by what they see every day at home not one toy -out of the 100s- they receive once a year.

I asked OP earlier and i will ask again: do you drive? Then your dd knows that women drive. Do you take your car at the garage? Does your dh cook and clean? Do you respect each other? Do you travel alone with your dcs? Do you deal with the spiders? Grin. I can go on. Children learn from their parents. Toys have an influence too but they are not some magic tool that will do our job for us.

Also, i think some posters might be a little influenced by their own memories of receiving presents. Don't forget we usually got one present per year. So, yes, there was disapointment there if the present wasn't right. And as most of us only had 3-4 toys, those toys have influenced us more. Nowdays they have 100s, every type and every colour, and they hardly remember what they own.

MrsBuntyCulDeSacWonder · 02/10/2011 21:04

Exactly, Bupcakes. That's the nature of 'gifts'. They are not always to your taste, but you receive them in the spirit in which they were given. Teaching your child to scrutinise the nature of a gift is quite mean spirited IMHO. As I said earlier, there is always the option to trade and my DSs would probably like the idea of a flower press. Gender issues aside, there is something a bit materialistic about the questioning gifts that doesn't sit right with me.

Whorulestheroost · 02/10/2011 21:04

Op I can see your point but I just don't understand how you can be so peed off about it. There are much worse things in life to get pissed off about. Just take it in the manor it's meant, as a gift and try not to read so much into the choice.

NormaStanleyFletcher · 02/10/2011 21:04

And nobody should complain because it is a free gift and the pta have sweated blood and tears over the thinking on this

BupcakesandCunting · 02/10/2011 21:05

So it doesn't actually matter if the OP's daughter does like it?

Ok.

This is like The Modern Parents from Viz. The PTA will not shape your child. You will.

I'm out.

Meteorite · 02/10/2011 21:05

Exactly where was this suggested?

"Teaching your child to scrutinise the nature of a gift"

NormaStanleyFletcher · 02/10/2011 21:06

give the flower presses to the boys

And they should be grateful, cos it is free

Uppity · 02/10/2011 21:07

I wonder if everyone would be happy if the school gave all white children books and all black children sports clothes.

Would people be saying that we shouldn't read too much into it and people whingeing about racial stereotyping should just STFU and be grateful?

Fecklessdizzy · 02/10/2011 21:07

My DSs refuse to set foot in Macdonalds after getting girly happy meal tat twice in a row ... I'm not sure if this is a victory for nutrition or a defeat for genderneutral parenting!

If I was you OP I'd take the flower press, say Ta Muchly, join the PTA and flame any such pink/blue nonsense when it comes up next year ...

Whatmeworry · 02/10/2011 21:08

It seems pretty defensive and high-handed of committees that want to silence any feedback. If what you claim was really true, then no-one would ever be able to make any comment on anything unless they'd been directly involved in the decision-making or delivery

A committee works like this - some people have already been tasked with, and gone to the trouble of organising and delivering this, so its been done the way they saw fit and the committee at the time agreed with.

OP now wants it all to change to fit in with her views. Someone now has to do all the work changing it. The time to have your say is when its under discussion, not when its done.

Put yourself in the position of the people who have done this job - you are basically telling them they are insensitive and sexist parents, and you are also telling teh whole committee they got it wrong. They are also all voluntary, so their reaction is not going to be sweetness and light.

Also, put yourself in the position of the PTA chairperson - something done now has to be undone, everyone has limited time, its very likely this one person has pissed a lot of people off, but you need to move onto the next things, and get stuff done.

That is why, on committees when something like this happen, the people who were responsible for doing the original task turn round sweetly and say "well, is a pity you didn't say anytging at the time - but since you are so concerned, maybe you want to sort it out then" and the Chairman looks at OP and says..."Well?".

And at that point, in my experience, the matter usually gets dropped....

AnnieLobeseder · 02/10/2011 21:08

Sorry, but I will challenge sexist bullshit wherever I see it. As Tesco love to tell us, every little counts. If you keep letting the little things go, over the years you may find they've added to a lot of little things that have made a big difference in a girl's opinion of herself and her confidence to be whoever and whatever she wants to be.

Allboxedin · 02/10/2011 21:09

'Also, i think some posters might be a little influenced by their own memories of receiving presents. Don't forget we usually got one present per year. So, yes, there was disapointment there if the present wasn't right. And as most of us only had 3-4 toys, those toys have influenced us more. Nowdays they have 100s, every type and every colour, and they hardly remember what they own.'

Absolutely, The average a parent spends on a child at christmas nowdays is around £300 which I mentioned on a other thread, I find it pretty tragic that parents are spending so much and yet the country is in so much debt. So in comparison a little gift from school will probably be looked at for 2 seconds and chucked in the toy box without another thought.
My God imagine if you were in another poverty stricken country, where you only got one thing if you were lucky once a year, I am sure these kids wouldn't be complaining.

flicktheswitch · 02/10/2011 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeerTricksPotter · 02/10/2011 21:11

This reply has been deleted

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MrsBuntyCulDeSacWonder · 02/10/2011 21:11

It's the whole attitude, Meteorite. Trying to control every aspect of your child's life right down to the gifts they receive. Only in an over commercialised, over indulged capitalist society could this happen. As others have said, a small gift is unlikely to give your child negative gender issues when set against the bigger parenting picture.

AnnieLobeseder · 02/10/2011 21:11

These two posts have summed it all up perfectly.

NormaStanleyFletcher Sun 02-Oct-11 21:06:57
give the flower presses to the boys

And they should be grateful, cos it is free

Uppity Sun 02-Oct-11 21:07:50
I wonder if everyone would be happy if the school gave all white children books and all black children sports clothes.

Would people be saying that we shouldn't read too much into it and people whingeing about racial stereotyping should just STFU and be grateful?

projectbabyweight · 02/10/2011 21:14

But it's the opposite of trying to control them. Segregating the presents by gender is more controlling, imo.

BeerTricksPotter · 02/10/2011 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Meteorite · 02/10/2011 21:15

Unfortunately this approach will mean that people are put off commenting on committee activities, as they know they will always be asked to complete any task on which they are voicing an opinion. They may not be the right person with the right skills to complete the task, or they may be helping in other ways at other times. They've probably only just found out about the decision as if they're not on the committee they won't have been there when the decision was made. Making people feel they can't say anything will only drive the comments elsewhere and not to the committee's face.

"well, is a pity you didn't say anytging at the time - but since you are so concerned, maybe you want to sort it out then" and the Chairman looks at OP and says..."Well?".