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Original poster

to be fuming at sexist Christmas Presents?

475 replies

WomanlyWoman · 02/10/2011 15:40

I attended my first PTA meeting the other night, during which I discovered that the pta have bought Christmas presents for every child in the school. Nice, right? Then I realised the presents were different according to gender, the older children get books, the younger ones such as my child, in reception, get crafty things from Yellow Moon. Great, except - the girls get flower presses, the boys get cars.

This has really p-ed me off bigtime. For one, my daughter likes cars, car was one of her first words, she adores Lightning McQueen and doesn't seem to realise that it's meant to be for boys. So what message does it give her about herself when she sees the boys getting cars while she gets a flower press? Admittedly she would probably like a flower press too, but that is not the point. What about nature loving boys? Why are these children being given the message that active dynamic machines are for boys and pretty, passive things like flowers are for girls? A nature theme for all of them or a transport theme for all of them would be fine by me, but this just seems so wrong.

I'm very shy by nature and I hardly know any of the other parents. The pta meeting itself was quite an ordeal for me, so I didn't speak up at the time. I thought it was pointless because the presents have already been bought. Why make myself unpopular, so soon, when it's already done and dusted.

Then I started thinking, it's only October, there may be time to send them back and order different ones if enough parents express an opinion similar to mine. Not sure how to go about it though. Opinions and advice appreciated.

OP posts:
WoTmania · 03/10/2011 10:26

Lying - surely you're sending a message whatever you do. I would go for the gender neutral message over the sexist message.

Whatmeworry · 03/10/2011 10:32

I would go for the gender neutral message over the sexist message

Since when is it sexist to notice boys and girls like different things?

Floggingmolly · 03/10/2011 10:33

AnnieLobesder. You may find over the years they've added a lot of little things that have made a big difference in a girls opinion of herself and her confidence to be whoever and whatever she wants to be.
And it all started with a fucking flower press...
That's a LOT of influence over your child you've just handed over to the PTA - a small group of parents who probably couldn't even pick your child out of a line-up. Don't you have any confidence in your own input?

WoTmania · 03/10/2011 10:36

But they don't necessarily. Gender is a social construct, girls don't come out of the womb liking pink and sparkles and glitte more than boys for example.
Society as a whole tends to push them into set gender roles and all those little things add up. I'm not saying that a single present will scar them for life but why bother getting 'girl' presents and 'boy'presents and reinforcing the idea that they are so differet when they aren't really.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/10/2011 10:36

Well, there's sending a message and there's bashing people about the head with one. The first one generally works better for me.

I think it is quite ridiculous to make a gift about gender whilst at the same time, some same/similar creative gifts for every child might be quite nice. Even nicer would be to stop the gift-giving altogether and for the children to decide where the donation goes instead, as in Aldiwhore's post.

Anybody can give/receive a present that they wouldn't want. Disappointment is often a factor of life but if it's something to get worked up over then I think that a trip to the grip shop is long overdue.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/10/2011 10:37

... and I personally don't think that a flower-press is a good present for anybody. What about leaving the flowers where they are now in these environmental times?

WoTmania · 03/10/2011 10:40

I quite like the flower press idea but think it's crazy that they are for the girls - I know plenty of boys who would enjoy them and find the process interesting (DS1 is one of them)

WoTmania · 03/10/2011 10:41

and how is getting all of them the same ot ungendered presents 'bashing' people around the head with the message. By that logic getting them gendered toys is bashing them roundt he head with the message that girls and boys shoudl be liking different things

bibiane · 03/10/2011 10:46

Should've saved the money and bought a goat from Oxfam.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/10/2011 10:50

WoTmania... The OP is 'fuming'. Go on any feminist board with the same dilemma and it's possible that the posters there would be 'outraged' or similar. It's not a very calm way to be, is it, stomping around, trying to steam-roller everybody else in your way of thinking? Perhaps it's just overreacting, there are a lot of people who do that?

Getting some interesting toys for children is not a difficult task. If the PTA are open to suggestions then some useful links/brochures, with suggested preferences might be a good way forward.

I'd prefer fruit trees and shrubs planted, at the school or somewhere in the locale or for the children to put together 'Christmas boxes' for the elderly in their community... Christmas baking... the possibilities are endless!

BeerTricksPotter · 03/10/2011 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/10/2011 10:54

What I meant by my last sentence is that I think children would generally prefer some activities that they can do with their fellow pupils, with something to 'show' for it at the end. Rather that than a present, of any type, which they would probably not having chosen and will of necessity, be pretty impersonal and unwanted.

I even remember my own times in junior school, the excitement of something new to do at Christmas or Easter. I couldn't tell you what present I had, or if I had one, not memorable at all.

ElaineReese · 03/10/2011 10:56

Whatme - you're not noticing they like different things at 4 - you're telling them they do!

WoTmania · 03/10/2011 11:03

The OP is 'fuming'. Go on any feminist board with the same dilemma and it's possible that the posters there would be 'outraged' - which IMO (as a feminist) is fair enough. An awful lot of people are sexist and perpetuate these outdated ideas without even thinking about it. Just like in this situation and it evenutally gets very very frustrating.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/10/2011 11:18

One doesn't need to frequent a board or label themselves a 'feminist', to be one. I'm a very firm believer in equality and fairness and I challenge it where I see it. I just can't get worked up about a cheap, daft present that the school wastes money on.

The 'pinkness' in clothing for girls, just as an aside, is worse now than it ever was in the 70's in my opinion. In fact, I don't recall much 'pink' at all. I think what's generated the proliferation of pink is the WAG/media maelstrom.... now WAG-ishness, that is something to indoctrinate our children against.

itisnearlysummer · 03/10/2011 11:31

LWINW MIL to DD - "ooh you're so pretty, you could marry a footballer".

WTF!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/10/2011 11:36

itisnearlysummer... That seems to be the message, doesn't it? Shock

If mine said this, I'd have to have a heart-to-heart with her about it because there's no right way to say it. DD might undoubtedly be pretty. She might even marry a footballer, but those two things are unrelated and I truly hope that the story of her life has more to it than that.

itisnearlysummer · 03/10/2011 11:45

Haha, I think we did have something like a heart to heart over it!

Just as when she bought DD some godawful play makeup (and lots of it) for christmas last year, I insisted we opened it up and her house and that if DD was going to wear it, her similarly aged grandsons were allowed to too. It was horrible stuff that gave all concerned a nice rash - but I think the message sank in!

Your last sentence is absolutely what I said to her.

I can remember getting picked up on at school as a 6yo because when asked what I wanted to be, I said a farmer's wife. The teacher asked again, but what do you want to be? I didn't understand because I thought I'd already answered that question! Sad to see things have not only moved on, but have, in many ways, got worse.

And I'd still much rather be married to a farmer than a footballer!

aliceliddell · 03/10/2011 12:06

Aah, the comfort of the 'can't you find something more important' line. Yes, probably could. Sweatshops, for example. In this country, but possibly not globally, the majority of sweatshop workers are women. Naturally, nothing in any known culture would have contributed to the drip, drip, drip of acceptance of all the factors that have gone into creating the situation of a hot room full of women sewing for (probably) absurdly low wages making (possibly) cheap toys. Because it's grotesquely sexist, and sexism is something we can so easily become used to accepting in a thousand little unimportant ways. It's a complete mystery how they could have come to accept being treated so differently to men.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/10/2011 12:22

itsnearlysummer... I too had a female teacher who questioned me and made me think about my future direction. I remember her very well. It's not a bad thing to be challenged to think about things. :)

Yummygummybear · 03/10/2011 12:28

I haven't read the whole thread.

OP & those who agree with OP can I ask what type of gifts you buy when your child attends a party. I personally tend to buy a 'boy' gift for a boy & a 'girl' gift for the girls. It's hard to find good unisex gifts.

Hmm, you have me a little worried about a lucky dip I'm planning now as I have seperated boy from girl as it was pretty much impossible to find unisex presents for under a £1. All the girls I know are very girly & love pink glittery stuff!

KatieMiddleton · 03/10/2011 13:03

I buy something the individual child will like Yummy.

What I don't do is think: Jimmy is a little boy, therefore I'll buy him a car. Or Jenny is a little girl so she'll get a flower press. Regardless of whether either child would actually like a flower press or a car. If Jenny likes things with wheels and that move she'll get a car. Ditto for Jimmy.

It is much the same as when buying for a Asian child. I don't think of a racial stereotype and then go shopping for a calculator and maths set. I think what would the Karim like? What are his interests? And then I buy something I hope he'll like.

KatieMiddleton · 03/10/2011 13:05

God this thread is depressing. The ability to completely miss the point is astounding.

Luckily we have Bupcakes on our team now. So we win. Grin

Yummygummybear · 03/10/2011 13:13

I see. Thanks so much for that KM.

I really must get to know all my DS's school friends much better on an individual basis!

WoTmania · 03/10/2011 13:16

I posted a load of ideas and they didn't come up Confused.

Anyway - a friend got a load of snap cards and other games in asda. Things like colouring pencils and sharpeners, those squishy lizards/bugs are cheap and popular.

Is that any help?

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