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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to buy my friend's fish a tank?

160 replies

AbyIsl · 02/10/2011 12:32

My friend won a goldfish at the fair a couple of weeks ago. I REALLY don't like the whole fish as prizes thing, but that's besides the point.

On Thurs I went over and saw the fish for the first time. He (she?) is being kept in a small mixing bowl and doesn't have enough space. He's jumped out (a sign of needing more oxygen - too little water surface) and was gasping and sitting on the bottom of the bowl. He's also lost a lot of scales. They said they'd get a tank etc. Today they still hadn't bought one (we have a big Pets at Home near us). In fact they'd walked past two at a car boot sale this morning and still didn't buy one. They thought they might have one spare in a house they rented out, but still hadn't called the tenant to check and hadn't done anything about collecting it.

I've been worried about the fish. He's clearly not going to survive for much longer.

So, was I unreasonable to go to Pets at Home and buy a starter tank (with a bit of gravel and a small ornament thing? It's just a basic, 19 litre tank?

My friend was annoyed when I turned up with it and said her DH would be offended. I said it was just a gift and that there was nothing to be any annoyed about.

Was I unreasonable and rude?

OP posts:
PerkyPonk · 03/10/2011 16:52

Good points, EricNorthmansMistress!

(I don't eat fish, BTW!)

GandTiceandaslice · 03/10/2011 16:53

I eat fish but not meat.

Some of you will strangle yourselves with your judgey judgey pants Wink Wink

PerkyPonk · 03/10/2011 16:54

The OP said they won the fish two weeks ago. There's no way that a tank can't be bought in that amount of time, no matter how low on the priority list. The OP also said that the falling out was initially from the friends not her.

HerdOfTinyElephants · 03/10/2011 17:05

Not "a bigger tank". A tank. At all. And they have walked straight past two tanks that were on sale cheaply. How much more important is their "more important" stuff? Fair enough if they don't want the hassle of looking after their pet properly, but then DON'T HAVE THE BLOODY PET.

MRSMONEYPENNY73 · 03/10/2011 17:06

Well whoever did the falling out it's still pathetic.

They might have thought Goldy would be ok, who knows!!

Two weeks, smoo weeks! how ever long they've obviously had bigger fish to fry :o

Ba dum tish!!

GandTiceandaslice · 03/10/2011 17:08

To be honest, if I won a goldfish, I'd get rid of it.

I couldn't be faffed with getting a tank & all the other shit to go with it.

Flame me, but it is the truth.

Mind you, I wouldn't let my children take part in a thing to win a fish or let them bring the fish home.

Plus this smells fishy as I thought one wasn't allowed to offer fish as prizes anymore.

BoojaBooja · 03/10/2011 17:09

YANBU. Obviously!

I agree with HerdofTinyElephants. If they can walk past two tanks at a car boot sale, they are cruel. Simple as that.

Are you sure these people are really and truly adults, not just great big children??! Hmm Incredible to think that people can be so thick and heartless. Great example they're setting for their DC.

GandTiceandaslice · 03/10/2011 17:10

How did you know they'd walked passed 2 at a bootsale? Were you with them?

BoojaBooja · 03/10/2011 17:10

So why would you try to win one if you didn't want one GandT? Stupid!

As it's already been pointed out on this thread, it (ridiculously) isn't illegal to win a fish as a prize. It IS illegal to keep it in unsuitable accommodation though.

TheaB · 03/10/2011 17:17

All this talk of goldfish from people who are probably happy to eat farmed fish that is kept in a cruel way.

GandTiceandaslice · 03/10/2011 17:18

boojabooja 4th paragraph. I wouldn't let them take part or bring the bloody fish home.

4madboys · 03/10/2011 17:18

but the point is its THEIR fish, if the op doesnt like how they are treating it then she can tell them, or report them, god i would love to see how the rspca answer that call!

but to BUY them a tank, however kind her intentions is going too far, its non of her business and just makes her look like a sticky beak goody two shoes seriously.

if you are that bothered about the fish then offer to have it when you ask for you tank back, tho as you have given it as a gift i am not sure where you would stand if they say no.

wellwisher · 03/10/2011 17:18

They sound like horrible people, OP. Anyone who could watch a living creature suffer and not lift a finger to improve its situation is an arsehole at best, a psychopath at worst. YANBU.

I hope you've kept the receipts for your purchases - when the fish dies, perhaps you can ask for them back and return them unused for a refund. At least you know you tried :(

Original poster
AbyIsl · 03/10/2011 17:19

Wow! Thanks for your support, folks! I agree re. the hamster comparison.

How do I know that they walked past two at a car boot sale? Because he told me that he did. I saw him when he'd got back from it.

They have had plenty of time to buy a tank. He barely works (odd jobs and stuff and is always pottering around at home). We have a big Pets at Home nearby. I was there and back within half an hour. It's no excuse.

Yes, why would you try to win a goldfish if you didn't want one?

Oh, I don't eat fish either. :)

OP posts:
TheaB · 03/10/2011 17:19

calling someone a psychopath for fish cruelty might be going a bit far.

Original poster
AbyIsl · 03/10/2011 17:23

GandTiceandaslice: "To be honest, if I won a goldfish, I'd get rid of it." You weren't talking about your DC.

I haven't contacted the RSPCA, but the fact is that it IS illegal. Animal Welfare Act, anyone??

Anyway, I'm not going to defend this any further. When I originally posted I was shakey and confused by their reaction, but now I've spoken to lots of people about this (including everyone on this thread), I'm certain I've not been unreasonable. Phew!

OP posts:
BoojaBooja · 03/10/2011 17:24

Read your post again, GandT. As I said, stupid.

pictish · 03/10/2011 17:28

Cod almighty - this plaice is mental.

GandTiceandaslice · 03/10/2011 17:28

W

iveweedabit · 03/10/2011 17:35

I am Perky? Wellll I'm not so thats ok :o

zukiecat · 03/10/2011 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarchOn · 03/10/2011 17:40

YANBU - how cruel of them.

I won a fish as a child at the fair and when I left home at 17 I transferred him from his tank to the pond outside where he lived another 5 years.

That fish must have been about 15 years old!

JeremyVile · 03/10/2011 17:41

AbyIsl- no, you definitely haven't been unreasonable. Also you've been very measured on this thread given the frankly oddball nature of some posters.

PenguinArmy · 03/10/2011 17:54

I got brought a goldfish I didn't want (by a ex who knew I was a vegan largely due to animal conditions and the concept of farming). Didn't stop me buying it a bigger tank than the one I given it in. Bloody thing went to live for 6 years including being transported multiple times around the country. I only ever used tap water, didn't know any better.

4madboys · 03/10/2011 17:56

i wouldnt call posters an 'oddball' jeremy someone might report you and get it deleted Hmm

seriously i get that the op is concerned about the fish, but just report it then, buying a tank was unreasonable imo, even if meant kindly, its not her place to do so.