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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to buy my friend's fish a tank?

160 replies

AbyIsl · 02/10/2011 12:32

My friend won a goldfish at the fair a couple of weeks ago. I REALLY don't like the whole fish as prizes thing, but that's besides the point.

On Thurs I went over and saw the fish for the first time. He (she?) is being kept in a small mixing bowl and doesn't have enough space. He's jumped out (a sign of needing more oxygen - too little water surface) and was gasping and sitting on the bottom of the bowl. He's also lost a lot of scales. They said they'd get a tank etc. Today they still hadn't bought one (we have a big Pets at Home near us). In fact they'd walked past two at a car boot sale this morning and still didn't buy one. They thought they might have one spare in a house they rented out, but still hadn't called the tenant to check and hadn't done anything about collecting it.

I've been worried about the fish. He's clearly not going to survive for much longer.

So, was I unreasonable to go to Pets at Home and buy a starter tank (with a bit of gravel and a small ornament thing? It's just a basic, 19 litre tank?

My friend was annoyed when I turned up with it and said her DH would be offended. I said it was just a gift and that there was nothing to be any annoyed about.

Was I unreasonable and rude?

OP posts:
BoozeDilemma · 02/10/2011 21:17

2 fish in a tank
One turns to the other and says
"So, how do you drive this thing?"

YANBU Smile

Original poster
AbyIsl · 02/10/2011 21:28

Groan! Grin

OP posts:
Tryharder · 02/10/2011 21:38

You did a lovely thing and your friends should be ashamed. If they couldn't be bothered to look after a fish properly, they shouldn't have accepted it as a prize.

lucertola28 · 02/10/2011 21:57

AbyIsl it was very kind of you and what you got is much better than a bowl!

CheshireDing · 03/10/2011 03:33

OP your DH is correct in his words:)

Original poster
AbyIsl · 03/10/2011 07:20

Thanks all. I admit that I thought I was going to be flamed, as it would look like I was sticking my nose in, in a 'this is what you should be doing' sort of a way.

Thanks again, everyone! :)

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 03/10/2011 07:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AbyIsl · 03/10/2011 12:51

AAAAAGGGHH!!!! I've just seen the DH outside, so I pulled up (the DW was avoiding me and stayed in the house). Lots of awkward chit chat and he told me he isn't using the tank.

Great. Angry

OP posts:
ShoutyHamster · 03/10/2011 13:04

That's really not on - OP, I'd call or text and say you get it, they're offended because they see you as busybodying around, but you did it because THEY'RE MAKING AN ANIMAL SUFFER. And that's disgusting. And making a point of not using the tank because they're peeved at being hassled is EVEN WORSE. So call them on it, and suggest that if they're so offended, they can give you the fish and then they won't have the problem any more. And to make them even happier, you'll not contact them again after that.

Cruel bunch of idiots Angry

Thumbwitch · 03/10/2011 13:07

What a cock he is.
Poor bloody fish.
I doubt the RSPCA would respond for a goldfish, sadly. But they should.
Cocks. Angry

Original poster
AbyIsl · 03/10/2011 13:11

I'm furious. He just stood there and said they're not using it, so the fish is dying and that's that. What a pair of complete idiots.

I'd love to text them that, ShoutyHamster. Well said. I'm wondering if this will make them dig their heels in further though. Perhaps if I said nothing and ignored them, they'd use the tank. I don't know what the best thing to do is.

I'm SO annoyed about this. It's certainly the end of the friendship. I couldn't care less about that now. I do care about the fish though. This is a really crappy situation.

OP posts:
lubeybooby · 03/10/2011 13:12

Awww OP, I'd have been really glad of it and worrying about the fish myself if it was me. You did the the right thing and did all you could. Poor fishie :(

Original poster
AbyIsl · 03/10/2011 13:13

I don't think the RSPCA would respond either, Thumbwitch, although of course what they're doing is illegal.

This sitatuation makes we wish even more (if that's possible) that there was a ban on fish as prizes at fairgrounds. Winning a little life on a whim! I wonder how many fish even make it home. :( Angry

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 03/10/2011 13:18

My cousins' funfair goldfish lasted 19 years!

OP yanbu - did he actually say "the fish is dying and that's that"?
How cruel

pictish · 03/10/2011 13:19

Wow - nuttiest thread on mumsnet in ages.

Original poster
AbyIsl · 03/10/2011 13:20

Oh no, he didn't say that. I would have run him over if he had! Wink No, that was his tone. He said that they're not using it and I asked if the fish was still in the little bowl and he said it was. No regret, no shame, just matter of fact.

OP posts:
Original poster
AbyIsl · 03/10/2011 13:20

Why is this a nutty thread, pictish?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 03/10/2011 13:21

I hope it dies sooner rather than later then.

Do they have children?

Original poster
AbyIsl · 03/10/2011 13:22

Yes, they have a four year old DS.

OP posts:
Original poster
AbyIsl · 03/10/2011 13:23

She's a nanny so you'd think she'd be a bit more caring!

OP posts:
ZeldaUpNorth · 03/10/2011 13:23

I got 2 fish about 5 years ago now. When my friend saw them she went and got one too. It died, :( so she got another and it died :( I think she had about 5 altogether and they all died. I really wanted to say "FGS stop buying them" (and i did try telling her) One of mine died on boxing day last year and they other one is still going strong :)

I hate cruelty to any animal, i even picked a snail up in the school yard today so it didnt get stepped on lol.

pictish · 03/10/2011 13:23

You have ended a friendship over the benign maltreatment of a funfair goldfish.
You are also £20 out of pocket for said fish.

Squigglywiggly · 03/10/2011 13:24

I think you did the right thing. Shame it took so long for owners to put fish in a satisfactory home. Our fair fish (when little) lasted for 10+ years! It was the best goldfish ever.

Original poster
AbyIsl · 03/10/2011 13:25

That's right, pictish.

OP posts:
Original poster
AbyIsl · 03/10/2011 13:25

Except there's no such thing as benign maltreatment when it comes to a living creature. That's nonsensical.

OP posts: