AIBU to think that children should be reading when they start school?

[horribledinners]

Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, I started having kids 20+ years ago, but I, and all my brothers and sisters were taught to read and write by my parents before we started primary school. I taught my two older kids to read and begin to learn to write letters in time for them starting primary education, and would be ashamed if ds3 couldn't recognise letters and be able to read by the time he starts school.

I completely understand that there have been many confusing 'experiments' in education since then, the abandonment of phonics was a tragedy in my opinion; but do parents really think its the schools job to teach kids to read and write and do they not even give an introduction to reading and writing anymore?

I would love to know if this is a generational thing. I know for certain its not a class thing as we were very poor growing up and my Mum would take us out to the bus-stop and make us read out the notices!

I am thinking that even if one didn't teach phonics at home ...the child would just use a different method in their heads/ mind?

They don't use phonics here , but I taught DS that way before he started -no problems either.

Yanbu. Not at all.

YABU, especially given that in the UK children start school at a very young age.

And yes, it is the school job to teach children to read. Otherwise, what is it there for?

OP is being VU. DD1 was read to every day from the age of 3 months and couldn't read a word until she started school, at 4.5 (in January 2010) though she knew her letters and could write her name, and other words if you spelled them out, and now having turned 6 in July she has been through all the ORT levels and has been on independent reading since the end of year 1.

I could read when I was 3, but this was only through my parents doing exactly the same as I did/do with my kids. DD1 is at least as good a reader as I was at 6, if not better, having only started reading/school a year and a half ago.

Some kids start school at only just turned 4, they are babies. I think books should be around at home and they should be read a bedtime story every night but they definitely shouldn't be expected to be already reading themselves.

God, there is enough pressure on them as it is to be reading well by 6/7. This causes problems in itself. We shouldn't be so desperate to shoehorn kids into doing x by x age, the main aim of school should be to instill a love of learning.

Some countries don't even start formal education until the age we expect them to be reading here, and they still surpass the UK in academic performance.

It's the competitive parents who 'shoehorn' the children though. If everybody would stop 'benchmarking' themselves and their children all the time, it wouldn't be an issue... but AIBU would be very, very quiet.

Silly silly post.

I am concerned you felt 'shame' if your children couldn't read or recognise letters before school. I think 'shame' is perhaps the most lethal of emotions to transmit to your children.

I didn't teach my kids to read before school - instead I concentrated on giggling, loving, kindness, jumping, farting, cuddling, eating, hiding and seeking.

Actually, pondering this over cooking supper, I think there is a generational thing.

Back in the day parents would let their children follow their interests and would encourage, support or ignore. "paggirl is great at reading" they would say, faintly proud or curious or disinterested. What your child was good at was a source of pride and accompanied often by a kind of embarrassed befuddlement. " paggirl seems to be really brainy. Where did she get that from? "

Now parents want to be the reason their children are good at anything. It isn't luck, or genes, or a good teacher but the interest level and committment of their mother/parent. Perhaps that explains the fever about academic ability, reading ability etc etc. Because we are ceasing to let it be luck or chance but parental effort. If your child happens to be bright then that makes you a better parent somehow?
Still bollocks of course but it would explain why some are so very determined that it is about parenting.

I agree pagwatch, it can def be like that in many cases.

YAB V V V U.

There is way too much pressure on kids and their parents to learn to read at a very early age. Most children on the continent wouldn't be worrying about this until they are 7yo!!!

Dd1 is 6 and has just entered P3 (NI), her reading ability has just leapt hugely this summer and we have 9 weeks off. She couldn't read when she started P1, she could recognise, write her own name and that of her sister, oh and from the age of 3 she could read the word Tesco and Disney Jnr but thats not reading its just recognition of letters. Her younger sister has just started nursery (aged 3) and she loves books, she copies what we do and remembers words and inflections etc but none of this is reading.

There is a huge difference between what dd1 reads now and what she could 10 weeks ago and in my opinion that is all down to her teachers and school and more importantly she was ready to make that leap.

Pag - quite so. I am absolutely sure my DDs inability to read at an early age was nothing to do with my parenting abilities, just that she got her Daddy's reading genes not mine (but its true)

My kids were accustomed to books as they attended a full time nursery, but they could not read, or write other than their name.

They are 23 and 18.

Children do enough learning nigh on 17 years of it, leave it until they go to school I say.

I can't say YABU or not, you're entitled to your opinion. But I would disagree with you based on personal experience.

Ok firstly, the teachers nowadays (in our school certainly) prefer you to leave the teaching to them, so the children don't get confused with methods.

Secondly, phonics has certainly not been abandoned in our county. We have phonics homework in year 1 too.

Thirdly, my mother was the same as you - I remember being bombarded with flashcards etc and when I stared school 33 years ago aged 4, I had been reading for ages. I read the bible to the head on the day we took a tour.
Unfortunately the school did not really recognise this and insisted I read a two pages of "Janet and John", or "Peter and Jane" just like everyone else did and then go and sit down for the rest of the lesson (we used to take turns to read aloud). I was completely un-challenged, as as a result, it made me lose interest and I became quite a daydreamer. I really think it damaged my learning going forward.

For this reason I read plenty of books to my son, but didn't attempt to teach him to read except for a bit of alphabet/letter recognition - he's the second youngest in his class and holding his own really well. I'll do the same with my daughter even though she seems to be super-bright at 2 (sounds wank but she is, my mum is itching for me to teach her to read), I really feel boredom can be the death of their willingness to learn and there's plenty of time.

Where is the op . Post and run I bet. It is sad that she feels shame if her dc did not read before they went to reception and various other things, not a nice thing to pass onto them.

I read aloud all the time to my dcs, I am an obsessive reader myself, the house is full of books. Neither of them learned to read before school; they very evidently weren't ready. Dd took off in Yr 1 and had actually read Vanity Fair (with great enjoyment) before she got to secondary. So should I be ashamed or not ashamed?

might develop psychological issues later on

I think its ok to expect a parent to try and teach letters, numbers and some words before starting school. I will definitely be teaching DD. The amount of people I went to school with who still could not spell or read properly when leaving school was shocking. I dont think it should be up to the school only to teach our kids. Its up to us too. Particularly when there are large class sizes, not all kids get the attention they need when certain subjects are not their strong point.

pag for all those parents so desperate to take credit for their DC's personalities/abilities etc...I would advise a pair of twins. That'll learn 'em.

at twins experiment.

I was sure ds1 was so bloody brilliant and advanced because of me. Then I had ds2 who had sn. And dd who just wants to dance and is very athletic.

It is 90% random

Some posters seem to be seeing a dividing line between "teaching your child to read etc. before they start school" and "leaving it all to the teachers and abdicating all interest in your child's education".

Why?

I didn't hand my children over to school never to see them again, they come home every afternoon and I can go on teaching them right up until they leave home. So why the hurry to get everything done before they turn 5?

Well, quite so Cory. And there's vastly more to 'teaching' your children than reading - I think I can take some credit for my DDs impressing her Head with her knowledge of Hissing Cockroaches .

one of my sons could just about read before school one (who is 9) just about get's it now

it's genetic innit not generational