AIBU to think that children should be reading when they start school?

[horribledinners]

Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, I started having kids 20+ years ago, but I, and all my brothers and sisters were taught to read and write by my parents before we started primary school. I taught my two older kids to read and begin to learn to write letters in time for them starting primary education, and would be ashamed if ds3 couldn't recognise letters and be able to read by the time he starts school.

I completely understand that there have been many confusing 'experiments' in education since then, the abandonment of phonics was a tragedy in my opinion; but do parents really think its the schools job to teach kids to read and write and do they not even give an introduction to reading and writing anymore?

I would love to know if this is a generational thing. I know for certain its not a class thing as we were very poor growing up and my Mum would take us out to the bus-stop and make us read out the notices!

My mum once tore up a postcard I wrote to my grandparents while we were on holiday when I was three years old, because it wasn't neat enough.

She is quite ashamed now.

Wincing a little at the idea of flashcards up your poor mother's fanjo there Maryz .

I had a similar experience with the DCs and reading. Same approach with all and different ages for it to take, and then different attitudes from them all to subsequent reading. I never did any formal teaching, just read to them a lot and sang, recited poems and rhymes, etc. and chatted. I did a lot of maths (abacus) and maths related activities with them though but as play and not formal instruction. Since they all started school in the US they spent the first year (age 5ish) learning classroom etiquette, how to sit and listen quietly, follow directions, take turns, share and resolve disputes, lots of water table and sandbox play, lots of play with educational toys and show and tell sessions, and only got down to the phonics in First Grade (6ish). They were expected to know how to keep track of their belongings, take off and put on all their outerwear without help (nine months of winter coincided with the school year), use the bathroom without help, sort out straws and juiceboxes and tie their own shoelaces when they first got to school.

I think IndigoBell's great observation from upthread wrt cognitive readiness applies. I also agree with AnnieLobesder that the word 'ashamed' has no place in a discussion of age and reading. Self care skills a different kettle of fish.

YANBU.

It's such a shame so many parents don't feel it's their responsibility to teach their children basic skills.

Reading is quite an advanced skill for a small child. I could read before I started school (although that was a full year later than my children). Mainly it meant I was bored for a lot of the time, as we had to read all of the reading scheme before we were allowed to be free readers, and it was deathly dull Janet and John style stuff. I then went on to read lots of books which whilst I had the technical reading ability I didn't have the maturity to actually understand. I don't think it actually gained me anything very valuable.

I read loads of books to my children, pointed out letters and all that jazz. But ds is dyslexic (family trait) and struggled to read for years. I discovered that I had no idea how to teach reading as it's not something I've ever thought about and English is frankly rather a weird language. It wasn't until I took ds to a specialist tutor to learn synthetic phonics that I really learned how reading actually works. No matter how much 'help' I might have thought I was giving prior to that I would have most likely been doing it all wrong.

Anyway it wasn't until he was about eight or so that ds started to read properly and with anything approaching enjoyment. Now he is known for being an excellent reader and I have to remove books from him in the middle of the night.

It's not about when you learn.

I've not read all the replies.

YABU to expect all children to be able to read/write by the time they start school. Not all children are developmentally ready to be able to read by the age of 4. Reading readiness generally occurs between the ages of 3 and 7, and later readers often catch up quickly to their early peers.

However, YANBU to expect parents to encourage their children to learn and develop. Personally, I've always read to my children, taught them numbers and other basic maths concepts, and helped them to explore the world around them. My eldest was 3 years old when he asked me to teach him to read. He wasn't ready then but we tried anyway and when he lost interest we went back to just reading. A few months later we tried again and things seem to be clicking. He's 4.5 now and reception age. Reading has been slow going but we're definitely getting there. At no point did the thought cross my mind that "I shouldn't be teaching him to read. That's the teacher's job" or "It might confuse him later on" He wanted to learn something so I did my research and set out to teach him as best as I can.

Hahahahaha

I learned to read by age 3, without phonics. But since growing up and away from my academic-is-everything parents I've realised there is much more to life than racing through the educational milestones. Y'know, playing and stuff. I wish my parents had played with me.

No, you are not being old fashioned OP, just a bit ignorant.

I couldn't read when I started school about 38 years ago. My parents instilled a deep love of books in me that I still have today.

Horses for courses, I think. we're all different and are developmently ready at different times.

I actually could read before I went to school. I was taught by my mum. At 11 I had a reading age of 17. I wasn't hot-housed, it's just me- I love reading and books.
The thing is, it mostly levels out. All those children who are behind their friends do tend to catch up. As an adult, I don't think I am better at reading than other adults, just because I could read before I went to school.
Learning to read is a very small part of a child's developmental journey, especially at 3 or 4.
Emotional literacy is much, much, more important.

I am finding it frustrating and amusing in equal measure that some posters continue to spout post about parents that don't teach their child to read in terms of their being uninterested or not bothered.
Or take this very specific subject of teaching reading and in a grand and sweeping way extend that to any teaching, any learning, any encouragement or anything educational at all with your pre-schoolers.

Many people have been very clear that, whilst not teaching reading, they are in fact reading with their child, exploring outdoors, learning other skills, encouraging many many other skills. They just stand short of actually teaching reading.

Yet still people post as if not teaching reading = not engaging at all.

Can these people not read?

Actually, YABU. It's unnecessary, and there's lots of other stuff to do.

I was hyperlexic as a child, learned to read entirely thr

I suspect many people could suggest quite different titles. I can't think just now as I always struggle to rhyme 'twat'

YAVVVBU to be ashamed if your child goes to school unable to read. YANBU to think parents should help children learn in relation to their ability and maturity.

We need to get the help of some pre-scoolers I think.

I meant (shat) as a suggestion.
Not as if I had.

Yanbu.

My siblings and I could all read before we started school. So could dh and his siblings. I would find it more odd NOT teach the dcs to read (assuming NT) but probably because that's what everyone in both our families have done. However I am aware that there is a bizarre perception that teaching to read is not fun and must mean I am pushy or have no fun with the dcs. Dd is 2.5 knows her alphabet both phonetically and normally and can read basic 3 letter words such as cat, man, hat. That's nothing special about it though. She has 2 book times a day during the day and bedtime. Plus she loves playing with letters as well as other toys in the bath. Also loves writing her various letters. Its all just fun to her. I wouldn't judge other parents though, I very much think each to their own.

I asked dd1 and 2 (5 and 4) and they came up with - nat, lat, batcat, and dat

oh dear, I should probably have taught them to read before they started school.

novice I think it's fine and dandy that you do that if your DD enjoys it.

Yabu. My DS couldn't read or even know all his letter sounds when he started school, aged nearly 5. He's in Year 2 now and is a fluent reader and top of his class. I think parents should make sure their children enjoy books before they start school and they will learn to read when they are ready. Children all develop differently and are ready to learn things at different times. Should I feel 'ashamed' because DS3 wasn't walking by his first birthday when his brothers were early walkers? Because I wasn't - he was just prioritsing other skills and developed those earlier - and he learnt to walk anyway. It's the same with reading and writing.

And on the subject of being 'ashamed' I think that's the worst possible thing to feel about anything a 4 year old can/can't do. Feeling like a failure is not a great start to their education. I am a primary teacher and I have seen children put off learning because their parents think they should have achieved something by a certain age and make them feel bad for not achieving it. You may claim that you don't make your children aware of how you're feeling, but children are experts on picking up on how you feel anyway. Sorry for the length of the post but it's a subject I feel strongly about and the OP made me feel quite angry.

No, you are not being old fashioned OP, just a bit ignorant.

That made me laugh

Pag!

Illiterate feckers!

But noviceoftheday many parents do that and their child does not pick it up.

No one is suggesting that the alphabet is hidden. Or that a child pointing at a word gets no answer. Neither of those things are teaching.

My dd was read to everyday. She went to the library every week. She asked about road signs and things and I answered and explained. But that did not spontaneously lead to her reading. So she did it at school.