AIBU to think that children should be reading when they start school?

[horribledinners]

Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, I started having kids 20+ years ago, but I, and all my brothers and sisters were taught to read and write by my parents before we started primary school. I taught my two older kids to read and begin to learn to write letters in time for them starting primary education, and would be ashamed if ds3 couldn't recognise letters and be able to read by the time he starts school.

I completely understand that there have been many confusing 'experiments' in education since then, the abandonment of phonics was a tragedy in my opinion; but do parents really think its the schools job to teach kids to read and write and do they not even give an introduction to reading and writing anymore?

I would love to know if this is a generational thing. I know for certain its not a class thing as we were very poor growing up and my Mum would take us out to the bus-stop and make us read out the notices!

I think four years old is a bit young to be able to read and write TBH. Also I think when children go to school, and can read and write they get bored when the other children are being taught and misbehave. I really do not see the point of children that age being taught to read and write either, sounds a bit helicopter parentish. Social skills are important too. Let them learn at school, and encourage them to like books by all means. If anyone has read the scotland streetbooks, I think teaching them so young is a bit like the bertie project.

Yabu and a bit silly tbh.

What are you under the impression that school is for?

yes. bloody hell I wasn't talking dissecting Cormac McCarthy!

and yes, I would be ashamed, if DS3 were unable to read (at a 4 year old level of course ) as I would be if my DC's weren't toilet trained. some things ARE the parents job.

my mum taught me to read and write before i started school at 4 and was told off for it by the head teacher, the school wanted 'fresh blood' so to speak to teach us all the blanket way. didnt do me any harm either way to be honest. i tried with dd but didnt force it as her school is of the same mind as mine was.

my kids could all read fluently before they went to nursery because we used to read a lot at home - no, that's not why they learn to read.

They learnt to read because they were cognitively ready, and you were very, very lucky.

If it was that easy, no child would leave primary school unable to read. All the teacher would have to do is read to them for hours a day and they'd magically learn. :(

'my kids could all read fluently before they went to nursery because we used to read a lot at home'...yep, that's right, my kids were illiterate because they live in a house of grunting fellow-illiterates, occasionally raising their knuckles from the floor to switch on the telly.

What about parents who genuinely do have literacy problems?

I honestly don't think it makes any difference. Once you can read, you can read. I read Lord of the Rings at eight. (I read Jane Eyre at six, but that was because it was the only thing around at the time. I liked it, though.) Reading isn't rocket science, ffs, you don't have to create all this mystique about it.

Not sure it's helpful for children for parents to be ashamed when they can't do things. Feeling validated or ashamed depending on what your dcs do is a route to unhappiness for everyone, I feel.

VirgoGrr - I knew I wasn't saying something completely outrageous.

X posted lots of responses.

Spanish Paella I read to my DD now age 7 every day and have done since she was a few weeks old so that doesn't neccessarily add up to being read to and being able to read. I was read to until my mid teens and so i will continue to read to my DD until she stops me. Sometimes those who don't read to their children make better readers as those children have to read as they have no choice if they like books - it's not ideal but definitely happens.

3/4 is very early to expect children to be able to read. My son will be 4 years and 3 weeks old when he goes to school - I won't expect him to be able to read by then!

By the way, a friend of mine is Finnish and didn't go to school til she was 7. Apparently they have some of the highest educational standards in the world.

YABU. Each to his/her own. If you want to teach and child is ready to learn, fine, but don't impose this on others.

Like most posters I've read to my dc since babyhood, both of them love reading and read well above their age groups - neither could read when they started school and my dd could barely read at end of reception. I didn't give a hoot and I was quite right not to as they learned at their own pace.

You are being very silly, very unreasonable and not a little offensive.

I look at it this way I am a vet I am very good at fixing animals when I have done the major fixing I send them home with the follow up as set out by me.
I sent my DD to school to be taught to read by an expert I then completed the follow up the expert had instructed me to at home.
DD is at the start of year 3 and reads at NC level 4.
What I did do was read a wide variety of stories to DD that gave her a love of stories which helped with the desire to read. We still read together every night she reads to me first and then I read to her.

You would be ashamed if your child couldn't read? Really?

Mine still has issues with sequencing (so, getting dressed and undressed for gym) and socialising. His SN is a source of great worry and heartbreak for us but it never crossed my mind to feel ashamed. The very lovely Sudanese family that we know unfortunately do feel ashamed at their own ability to help their DS with reading and writing as they only speak 4 languages, unfortunately English isn't really one of them.

But as you said you would feel ashamed I guess you aren't being U. Just judgey.

IMHO pre school years are all about not have the constraints of formal education and learning about the world through play. If some children show an early propensity to read and they are encouraged, great, but many won't. I really don't see the rush. I think you need to relax a bit OP.

I could read when I started school, but my brother and sister couldn't. Same parents, same upbringing. My DD knew all her letters and sounds before she started school, but couldn't blend them to save her life. It 'clicked' in Yr1 and she raced to the top of the reading levels.

What about children with parents who can't read?

"Being able to read' is a huge descriptive category.

OP, when you say that you'd be ashamed if dc3 wasn't reading at a 4 year old level before he started school, what do you mean by that?

I think the phrase 'should be reading' is confusing some people and pissing others off .

I taught my daughter to read by the time she was 1. By 2 she was fluent in German, French, Spanish and Madarin Chinese.

Oh hang on a sec ... no ... I dreamt that. She learnt it at school like everyone else.

I could and I was just four, my dd could, my ds3 for certain, the older two....no way.

In regard to your OP, "abandonment of phonics was a tragedy" won't ring true for the parents bravely bearing warbles on 'ants on my arm' this week......

I have 2 DS's aged 5 and 7. From very early on we read to both of them at least 3 stories every day, stuck up words in the house, used flash cards. Our eldest still struggles with reading, he sees a tutor twice a week, and up until about 6 months ago he couldn't even read the word 'mum'. He has endured many assessments and for all of them has come out as NT. He otherwise does well at school with no problems with maths, loves science, geography, history etc. Finally he his turning a corner. I thank my friends and family for supporting us and telling us that he will catch up and will be fine because they are right, he is catching up. My youngest however has been brought up exactly the same and could read a lot of first words before going to school. For this I am to be ashamed am I? Thanks for that.