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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Alex James should be drowned in a vat of Spudsworth Melting Cubes?

241 replies

MrsLadywoman · 30/09/2011 12:21

Here's Alex James, friend of Cameron and Clarkson and fellow member of the Chipping Norton set, coining it in by flogging cheese to the plebs at Asda.

Surely 'bread-shaped cheese blankets' are just cheese slices. And Spudsworth? Chop up a small quantity of 4 cheeses and put them in a bag. Bingo, a brand new product.

Can we all just stop this collective madness and stop buying any old shit, just because it's sold by a celeb?

OP posts:
said · 30/09/2011 19:03

If the groupie story makes him sound exciting he'll have posted it himself, surely?

CristinadellaPizza · 30/09/2011 19:07

I'm not surprised Alouiseg - he did enough coke to make his libido go to Iceland and never come back. Although that didn't stop him trying

wamster · 30/09/2011 19:39

Sensitive? Possibly

Cheese-making? Most definitely

Floppy-haired? Yep

Musician? Get outta here.

peggotty · 30/09/2011 19:48

I've heard the unsavoury groupie story too. It doesn't involve cheese. Fucker.

NormanTebbit · 30/09/2011 20:01

That groupie site is hilarious - loads of insider revelations, apparently Mark whalberg's penis isn't as big as it appeared to be in Boogie Nights! Who'da thunk it?

cerealqueen · 30/09/2011 20:08

He'd have been laughed out of Dragons Den for this shite.

EmmaBemma · 30/09/2011 20:26

heh heh he... the comments section is the best bit: "Alex, thanks for making cheese relevant again".

projectbabyweight · 30/09/2011 20:34

Oh dear what a twit.

Now I'll always associate him with sweaty melted cheese.

I liked Blur more than Oasis, but that's not saying much as I hated Oasis. As often happens in music, the poo rose to the top.

Alouiseg · 30/09/2011 20:38

I wonder why coke turns men into limp dicked bores and women into raving nymphomaniacs, albeit a bit boring. I expect it was brought into Europe by a predatory lesbian.

BupcakesandCunting · 30/09/2011 20:41

This is going one of two ways (in my mind)

  1. Alex and his crew of jokers are on a wind-up, to see what unmitigated shit they can sell to Asda. I can imagine them guffawing after one too-many of Alex's home-made meade, "I say Al, Asda shoppers are such plebs that they'd buy pre-chopped cheese for the microwave and consider it gastronomie if you put yer name on the packet. Let's do it, for a laugh, see what they say. If they go for it, you can have a week on Monty's yacht, gratis."
  1. It's a clever expose type-thing. Alex makes it his business to let Asda shoppers know exactly what their buyers think of them (that they are lazy, fat, thickos) by giving the thumbs-up to micrwaveable cheese. There'll be a documentary when it gets exposed, like the Cook Report but for foodie twats. Alex will be there, shrewd documentary maker, chewing the balls off the CEO of Asda "Do you think that your customers are cunts, CEO?" "Wha? Er, NO, no, please..." "What sort of a cunt buys microwaveable cheese, CEO?"

I might be mulling over this too much.

CristinadellaPizza · 30/09/2011 20:41

:o Proper alouiseg

Alouiseg · 30/09/2011 20:44

No snorting Christine, it ruins the septum and limps the dick.

(it could possibly cause one to process cheese)

Polarmonkey · 30/09/2011 20:52

I "heart" this thread.

Laughing so much I'm practically gagging. And better on that, than ageing "rockstar" cheese......

CristinadellaPizza · 30/09/2011 20:55

Quite, alouiseg. No dick cheese please

Alouiseg · 30/09/2011 20:56

Imagine the smell chez James. Eurgh.

WinterIsComing · 30/09/2011 20:59

Imagine if Alex James was married to Myleene Klass. What a power couple they would be. First person to ever make cheese; first person to properly have not one but more than one baby etc...

GreenEyesandNiceHam · 30/09/2011 21:06

Him who played Martin Platt in Corrie is a cheesemaker now. You don't see him whoring his goods around in Asda.

Have some CLASS Alex. Like Martin Platt off of Corrie

wamster · 30/09/2011 21:06

I go for option 1, BupcakesandCunting, definitely option 1. You'd think that a man of 43 would have grown out of that sort of studenty-isn't-it-hilarious-that-Rolf-Harris-has-done-Stairway-to-heaven ironic shit, wouldn't you?

Jesus, makes the Fresher's week at the local (well, any) university seem like a high-minded chess tournament.

PierceDeere · 30/09/2011 21:18

Is that true, GreenEggs?

It's almost as weird as that Jethro Tull chappie breeding special cats.

Rawk stars aren't what they used to be.

PierceDeere · 30/09/2011 21:19

Sorry I fucked up your clever name, GreenEyes.

It's because I'm a cunt today.

GreenEyesandNiceHam · 30/09/2011 21:23

Grin Pierce

Yes it's true honest. He left Corrie to follow his calling.

Cheese. He makes proper big truckles of stinky cheese. None of this fannyfarting bread shaped rubbish

GreenEyesandNiceHam · 30/09/2011 21:26

I think I'm gonna google Martin Platt actually, what a cock will I feel if I've dreamt it?

gordyslovesheep · 30/09/2011 21:29

other ex blurs gave us Gorillaz, Happiness in Magazines and a human rights lawyer - Alex gave us Cheese Sheets - sums it all up really - he's a cheesewanker indeed

Alouiseg · 30/09/2011 21:32

:o CheeseWanker

wamster · 30/09/2011 21:37

If it turns out it was something you dreamt about, blame the cheese-it gives you nightmares. Another reason to boycott James and his evil cheesemongery.