To think Alex James should be drowned in a vat of Spudsworth Melting Cubes?

[MrsLadywoman]

Here's Alex James, friend of Cameron and Clarkson and fellow member of the Chipping Norton set, coining it in by flogging cheese to the plebs at Asda.

Surely 'bread-shaped cheese blankets' are just cheese slices. And Spudsworth? Chop up a small quantity of 4 cheeses and put them in a bag. Bingo, a brand new product.

Can we all just stop this collective madness and stop buying any old shit, just because it's sold by a celeb?

He was a complete slaaaaaaaag in Blur (not sayin there's owt wrong with that like). And now he's all gone a bit Pearl Lowe on us hasn't he? Selling crap to people who admire his aspirational lifestyle. It's all a bit the emperors new clothes.

he is a gratingly smug wanker so he is

"I love cheese with jacket potato. Every day. Every day arfter school I'd have cheese with jacket potato."

"thanks for making cheese relevant again Alex". Fuck off!

Hey BupCakes! How's the flasher over the road?! Still in hysterics over Trumpet and Skittles.

I hate him too. We hate you Alex. And we are your core market :(

Alex licks cheese from spoon

Bit of cheese stuck to Alex's lip

It's all gone quiet over there! I reckon his wife is a MNer and she's 'ad a word, like.

So, Alex, what you've done there is cut some cheese into cubes and microwaved it?

Well, ay fucking say, old chap. You've smashed every cheese-based kitchen problem I've ever had by cutting cheese into fucking chunks. And microwaving it.

Student cunt.

lets hope it's bits of MOLTEN HOT cheese sticking to his smug face

You gan bet your arse there's a line in the Customer Profile section of the Cheese Blankets marketing pack that says something along the lines of:

"Target consumer is technology- and internet-savvy. Probably a member of a forum such as Mumsnet"

*can

Fish cubes: for people who can't be bothered to cut up fish fingers. Satsupeels: ready-peeled satsumas with the white thready bits removed. Eggyshreds: Ready-sliced boiled eggs for people who can't be bothered to boil or slice up eggs. Cheesypeas, for people who... oh hang on, that's been done.

he's got a really annoying face and his hair looks like some old blokes toupe thrown on at a distance

Ready sicked up white lightning?

Exactly, MrsLady. Where will it all end?

Will Damon Albran come round and masticate the food for us eventually, because it's just too much effort?

You're a wanker, Alex. A big, cheese-eating, gurning shitmonkey.

Its a market economy people produce things and consumer buy it - if you don't like it then no-one is forcing you to buy the stuff. If enough people don't like it the product will fail.

Like Sunny Delight that went from almost being the #1 sold drink inthe Uk a few years ago - when people found it was full of sugar and stuff sales just dropped right off.

"Ready sicked up white lightning?"

and

"he's got a really annoying face and his hair looks like some old blokes toupe thrown on at a distance"

I would say 95% sure his DW is a MNer.

I opened this assuming it was about his radio show. I used to really fancy him in blur, but his voice is very annoying, and I don't think he's a very good presenter.

I don't imagine I'll ever be buying this product, but I'm sure he's not worried about that. Not sure MN-types are his market- isn't that link for Asda?

see also "A big, cheese-eating, gurning shitmonkey" !

Am even more irritated now. Went to the 'Harvest' festival at Alex James'. Paid £90 for me, DH and two toddlers. Then had to pay extra £5 to park in a field. Festival on this particular day (was Sunday) was supposed to be 'family' day. No music to speak of. Selection of stalls in windy field selling expensive food manned by miserable/hungover people. Not much choice as lots of food already sold out. Went on a helter skelter - was £5 for both children to go once. There was a puppet show. £95 f quid. Will not be buying any of his cheese. (To be fair, he couldn't help that the field was windy).

Thanks for explaining how consumerism works, Dab.

It's more than the cheese cubes though. It's the hair and the cheese on the lip. Just stop trying to pour water on our bitch festival. Let us be hateful, spiteful internet harpies. We like it.

I shop in Asda when it gets towards end of the month and I won't be buying that shite.

Not whilst I have a knife, a block of cheddar and hands to slice cheese anyway.

I might go in Asda later on and move all of Alex's cheese about so that anyone looking for it can't find it. I suggest you all do the same. We need this venture to fail.

I thought he came across well in the programme he did about taking in a homeless person , getting them into a flat and job and working on his farm nice big estate.

But ladies carry on bitching if you like personally I agree the products are not what I'd want to buy and rather he supplied some decent and fair priced quality cheese.

Yeah, Dab. Stop raining on our fucking parade!

Anyway, the thing about the market economy is that you can produce a decent product and Asda still aint going to let you stick your stuff on the shelf. For that to happen, you need to a smug self-publicist with a heftily paid PR. So, like, I'm saying it's NOT a level playing field.