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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell snotface doctor to fannythefanny off!

125 replies

BullyBeefBadgers · 29/09/2011 14:03

at appointment yesterday to discuss completely unrelated problem the (male) doctor looked at me and said "I am concerned that after 5 months and at your age that you haven't snapped back yet" My response: ShockShockShock.

I promptly picked up DD, stood up, told him that I was appalled and stalked out. I really wanted to shove his stethoscope where the sun don't shine. I am not even overweight. I have put on 1 stone since pregnancy which hasn't gone yet but I am not massive! Clinically, medically, scientifically and technically I am not overweight! Yes I am 21 and many women at my age ping back after childbirth without any problems but I was ill with appendicitus 3 weeks after having DD and so haven't been as active as some.

Please tell me that hes an utter wankstain or have I got this totally wrong!?

OP posts:
Original poster
BullyBeefBadgers · 29/09/2011 15:09

And I did mention the eating disorder in my third post (ish) on page one.

OP posts:
Original poster
BullyBeefBadgers · 29/09/2011 15:10

shouty, I salute you Smile

OP posts:
vess · 29/09/2011 15:11

YABU, you totally over-reacted.

redwineattheweekend · 29/09/2011 15:33

Hi

I think you should talk to the practice manager, perhaps see dr with practice manager to explain what he meant by snapping back and I'm presuming you'll need to back to discuss partners ED anyway? Not an appropriate way to talk to a patient imo.

AngryBadger · 29/09/2011 15:57

You are not being unreasonable and I'm shocked that anyone thinks you are! Even if your stomach was still MASSIVE (and it doesn't sound like it is) and he had genuine concerns, he could have worded his concern in a far more tactful way.

I am confused by the fact that other posters assume that just because he's a qualified doctor, he was being professional rather than just being a rude twat and passing comment on something that's none of his business. There are qualified professionals out there who should have been struck off years ago and who only get away with their attitudes because patients are too intimidated to speak up and colleagues don't want to rock the boat. I am not saying that the majority of doctors are like this, but there are wankers in every profession and medicine/denistry/law are not exceptions. Being academically strong/good at interviews doesn't automatically give a person strong ethics, good manners (or even common sense).

Bully beef, it sounds like you handled the situation remarkably well at the time, please follow that up by making a written complaint.

AbbyAbsinthe · 29/09/2011 16:07

gaaagh

It is the honest truth. Bear in mind that this was a long time ago now - as well as I can remember it, I went to see the doc as I was really down, and needed some advice. I burst into tears when I arrived in the office, and told him that I was depressed and needed some help, as this hadn't happened to me with dd, 7 years earlier.

He said 'well, you are quite overweight. Really, quite fat.'
I said 'erm.... I've just had a baby!'

I was far less.... assertive, in those days, and left really upset. I would have reacted quite differently nowadays!

Witherhills · 29/09/2011 16:07

I don't understand any of this
Why in God's name would the doctor talk about you?
Are you sure he wasn't referring to something else altogether?

If he really said "Typical teenagers" you need to complain

Thumbwitch · 29/09/2011 16:17

Ha, am impressed that so many of you have doctors who never make rude, offensive or simply inappropriate comments that you find it incomprehensible that one would! Lots of them do. My mother was constantly being told that all her health problems were due to her weight - of course some were, but not all of them! Doctors are as guilty of preconceptions as other people but should NOT act on them without listening to the patient first and actually paying attention.

Tanith · 29/09/2011 18:35

I'd just like to back Abby up. There used to be some monstrously insensitive doctors around - hopefully no longer the case.

One told my very depressed friend that, if she was going to kill herself, she should hurry up and do it and stop bothering him.
The coroner was very scathing. He also wanted to know why the doctor had prescribed her with enough anti-depressants to kill her when he knew she was suicidal.

Mia4 · 29/09/2011 19:27

YANBU to be upset but you should have challenged him and got him to explain rather than has a hissy.

Perhaps he is concerned about something else that only someone in his profession may pick up on, something no one here has thought of. Go back and speak to him, ask him to clarify and then decide if he's being a judgmental wanker because you've not snapped back to trim in his eyes, or if he's got some legitimate medical concern that you don't know about or he hadn't seen addressed (notes get lost all the time between medical people/practices.

QuietNinjaFotherMucker · 29/09/2011 20:08

Yanbu some doctors need to think before they speak. I went to the docs with chickenpox when I was 19 (I know don't shoot me I know better now) and he asked me if I ate much food (was very skinny back then even though I ate like a horse) and then went on to say if I had a burger right now would you eat it. I was Shock I said no I wouldn't I'd not long had breakfast. Cheeky fecker. I am surprised he thought it appropriate when you were talking about your I'll partner. Not on at all.

QuietNinjaFotherMucker · 29/09/2011 20:10

Tanith Shock and Sad I'm so sorry, that's awful! Puts the weight comments in perspective really.

chelen · 29/09/2011 20:35

I would complain even if you think the comments could be taken either way tbh, doctors need to be informed if they are upsetting/annoying/offending patients because the only way they can work with patients to improve their health is if they have a decent relationship with them.

I was once told to 'address my anxiety' when I explained the reasons why I felt there was something wrong with my son. They changed their f**king tune after I persuaded them to do blood tests the next week. That doctor was so very squirmy every time I saw her and I hope she learnt her lesson.

If the doctor had a point to make, he should have said 'on another matter, I am concerned about x,y,z because...' rather than making vague, misinterpretable (is that a word?) comments.

Tanith - words fail me :(

Notchattingnow · 29/09/2011 20:41

Why didn't you just ask him what he meant instead of storming out which makes you look ridiculous ?
Perhaps he was concerned.
Perhaps he was referring to your appendicitis post delivery.
Who knows

BookFairy · 29/09/2011 20:51

Oh dear BBB. YANBU
Bless you love. You were sitting down, fully clothed and asking advice regarding what I can only imagine is a very upsetting topic, yet the GP felt the need to comment on you 'snapping back'? Oh my christ. Surely everyone's tummy sticks out a bit when they sit down? Apart from madonna anyway, or is that just me.... So how on earth could he tell? If he had any concerns he should have noted them and passed them on to health visitor. 'Snapping back' indeed.
I suggest a Letter of Concern, rather than a Letter of Complaint. The more reasonable you appear, the more unreasonable he appears. Perhaps ask who best to discuss your situation with.
I hope your partner is ok x

nethunsreject · 29/09/2011 20:57

Yanbu.

Totally out of order.

I've encountered shitty attitudes from GPs too. Not all by any stretch of the imagination, but some need to brush up on their bedside manner.

thunderchild · 29/09/2011 21:11

YANBU ..... he should have tactful asked you whether you had any other concerns and if you minded if he looked at your tummy.
When I was in the RN -and a medic myself at the time- I went to Doctor ( who was also a colleague) with symptoms of depression anxiety. He pooh-poohed my feelings, telling me I was being "silly" and that I "should be grateful" at "my age" that I had a healthy baby! He then ordered me on the scales and lectured me about my weight--- notwithstanding the fact that I hadnt ever failed a military fitness test, had a BP of 110/60 , pulse 70bpm and cholesterol of 3.1!
Needless to say I left feeling shellshocked, and did not seek help- for postnatal depression (as it turned out) for TWO years!

Now remember, I was a medic myself, but this man , though a contracted civilian, techicaly outranked me.

Otherwise I would have reacted the same way.

Doctors are NOT superior beings, and it ill behests ANY of them to patronize anybody thus.

And nobody, even worraliberty, should defend their "right" to do so!

hiddenhome · 29/09/2011 21:16

Doctors are all morons.

worraliberty · 29/09/2011 21:20

Doctors are NOT superior beings, and it ill behests ANY of them to patronize anybody thus

I think you're doing a perfectly good job of patronising 'thus' yourself love Grin

I do NOT believe for one second that the Doctor was patronising at all...therefore to suggest I'm defending his right to be patronising makes no sense whatsoever.

I believe he was concerned about his patient and said so...nothing more and nothing less.

Notchattingnow · 29/09/2011 21:24

He wasn't rude though he just had a concern which he didn't get chance to express.
The OP was rude.

chelen · 29/09/2011 21:28

I think to use the phrase 'snapped back' is pretty rude - unprofessional and unclear at best.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 29/09/2011 21:30

Well, no, he wasn't patronising so much as fucking rude. Clearly some of you are lucky enough to never have met a rude/incompetent doctor.

As it happens, my GP is absolutely lovely; on one of DS' first visits to her, she said to me, 'Can I just check your tummy for a minute?' Diastasis recti ruled out, no offence taken. It's not rocket science.

OP - how are you planning to get help for your DP now? Where do you go from here?

hiddenhome · 29/09/2011 21:30

The OP wasn't rude. She just wasn't prepared to sit there and take the rubbishy attitude that the GP wasn't handing out Hmm

Why does everyone think that doctors are gods?

The OP should complain about the 'teenagers' comment and then see another GP.

hiddenhome · 29/09/2011 21:31

was handing out.

Notchattingnow · 29/09/2011 21:32

I haven't the faintest idea what snapped back means and neither has anyone else.. it could mean the family getting back to normal routine it could mean depression it could mean anything
Have no knowledge of it meaning the uterus snapping back

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