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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell snotface doctor to fannythefanny off!

125 replies

BullyBeefBadgers · 29/09/2011 14:03

at appointment yesterday to discuss completely unrelated problem the (male) doctor looked at me and said "I am concerned that after 5 months and at your age that you haven't snapped back yet" My response: ShockShockShock.

I promptly picked up DD, stood up, told him that I was appalled and stalked out. I really wanted to shove his stethoscope where the sun don't shine. I am not even overweight. I have put on 1 stone since pregnancy which hasn't gone yet but I am not massive! Clinically, medically, scientifically and technically I am not overweight! Yes I am 21 and many women at my age ping back after childbirth without any problems but I was ill with appendicitus 3 weeks after having DD and so haven't been as active as some.

Please tell me that hes an utter wankstain or have I got this totally wrong!?

OP posts:
Original poster
BullyBeefBadgers · 29/09/2011 14:44

And Worral it wasn't vanity. I had booked the appointment to discuss the fact that my partners weight has dropped so low that if he loses any more he's going to start facing the possibility that he could be hospitalised and I was desperate for help. After pouring out my concerns i was disgusted that the first thing he said to me was that! he didn't even respond to what I'd said about DP!

OP posts:
ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse · 29/09/2011 14:45

OP, it does sound as thought the doctor was a bit tactless, and from what you say it doesn't sound like you have any size/weight problems at all. Everyone has a bit of a tummy after having a baby, don't they?

I would make an appointment with another GP at the surgery to discuss what the other GP said and to find out if they think there are any problems with your tummy at all, just to reassure you.

bagelmonkey · 29/09/2011 14:45

Are you certain he was talking about your weight? Could he have meant you didn't have your usual buzz or energy?

worraliberty · 29/09/2011 14:45

So if you were rushed to hospital OP, due to a condition related to your womb not snapping back properly...you wouldn't blame him if he'd spotted something didn't look right but was too afraid of upsetting you to mention it? Confused

My arse! You'd probably be livid and rightly so.

ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse · 29/09/2011 14:46

BBB, just read your most recent post and I do think its bad that the GP just came out with it when you were talking about your partner's problems. I'm wondering if he would make comments to a man with, for example, a beer belly.....

bagelmonkey · 29/09/2011 14:47

Perhaps he intended this as a way of asking you about how YOU are coping with DPs problems and if You need emotional support?

gaaagh · 29/09/2011 14:47

Also AbbyAbsinthe, I just don't believe what you wrote below:

"He told me that I was depressed because I was too fat. Ds was 10lb 5, and it was 3 months after his birth... I was so upset, I can still remember it now, 7 years later."

Sorry to be cynical, but I suspect this was more of a "being overweight can affect your depression, and keeping fit puts you in a great mood once you get into it, have you thought about taking up classes or losing some weight? we can help".

I doubt he said "you're depressed because you're too fat". Is it really the truth? Because if he did, you should complain to the local health board/practice manager - you don't want this GP being similarly horrid to someone even more vulnerable.

Original poster
BullyBeefBadgers · 29/09/2011 14:48

Ok G. fair enough that you feel that was childish. But personally I felt that ignoring everything I had said about DP - which wasn't an emotional ramble but a facual diary of what he had been eating, his weight etc - and coming out with that was not appropriate. Apologies that some things weren't mentioned in OP - have MiniBadger trying to help mummy type!

OP posts:
ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse · 29/09/2011 14:48

Gaaagh, my sister once had a GP say to her "you are too fat". The thing is, she knew that but was in the process of losing weight and had already lost 4 stone.

worraliberty · 29/09/2011 14:50

Well perhaps if you hadn't have gathered your things up and stormed out dramatically, he would have got round to the discussion about your DH?

ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse · 29/09/2011 14:52

BBB, what did the doctor do when you got your things together and walked out? Did he try and talk to you or just accept that you were going?

Original poster
BullyBeefBadgers · 29/09/2011 14:52

Argh am tempted to post a picture to avoid confusion! Worral my womb is not bulging. My stomach is slightly visible. It would look flat to most people. I was only 7 stone 10 (very short) before DD so as you can imagine, 8 stone ten does not make for a bulging, or in any way protruding stomach. It is just not quite as flat. Nothing that a months worth of sit ups wouldn't fix.

ahem ...

OP posts:
worraliberty · 29/09/2011 14:53

So you think he imagined it? Confused

Really, I think you're being over sensitive and precious.

I have to go now, but I honestly wish you the best of luck and hope there's nothing seriously medically wrong with you.

gaaagh · 29/09/2011 14:54

Nothing that a months worth of sit ups wouldn't fix.

But honestly, BullyBeefBadgers, how would you know? I would seriously urge you to make another appointment and ensure there's nothing that another GP couldn't help with - you don't have to go back to the same GP, since you obviously don't get on with that one.

But do make sure that you don't just ignore a concern that's been voiced because you think everything is fine.

Original poster
BullyBeefBadgers · 29/09/2011 14:55

ILoathe, his exact response was "Typical teenagers" I am 21!
And Worral I didn't storm, i picked up DD turned to him and said that I was appalled that he chose to word his concerns that way. He then said "typical teenagers" at which point I decided not to stoop to his level and make petty comments and calmly walked out. there was no huffing or puffing - I might be young but I was brought up to show respect in public.

OP posts:
ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse · 29/09/2011 14:55

I would put in a complaint about "typical teenagers", he was way out of order saying that

Pinot · 29/09/2011 14:58

Wow this tale is amazing.

CheeseandPickledOnion · 29/09/2011 15:00

gaaagh. You're making me do that at the fucking screen GAAAAGH!!!!

What a load of shite. The comment the doctor made wasn't anything health related. "I am concerned that after 5 months and at your age that you haven't snapped back yet" isn't in any way a constructive or health related comment and nor can it be construed to be.

Even less so after the fact that the OP had just sat there giving the Doctor a full run down on her partners very serious eating disorder that she is highly concerned about. After that it was completely unwarrented and unacceptable.

If he had any medical concern about the OP he could have stated that very easily and in a professional manner.

OP - I suggest you complain in writing to the Practice Manager.

HandMini · 29/09/2011 15:03

BBB, just to say I think I was slightly hasty in my first post.

Yes, I still think you shouldn't have left, but should have called him on his bad choice of words and asked him exactly what his concerns were, but the thread now reveals that I think you had a bad experience with a not-amazing doctor, who could have carried out the job he's paid to do with more tact and understanding.

For starters, it's clear from this thread that no one has any idea what he means by "snapping back" and whether he's hinting at something else, or referring to your tum.

If nothing else, he's not explaining himself to patients very well.

I'd still urge you to go back and speak to him, as all those who say he may have valid medical concerns are right.

gaaagh · 29/09/2011 15:05

Well CheeseandPickledOnion my username isn't intended for that - it's a bit of a running joke between DH and I that it's a real word, as DS's first word...

For the other stuff - the interpretation of the Dr's comments - we'll just have to disagree on that. It doesn't mean either of us is wrong, just that how someone's comments can be perceived is totally different depending on the audience hearing it.

FWIW, the OP hadn't mentioned the "typical teenager" comment, or his off tone, or that he's been off in the past, etc - in the OP. So for the record I'd agree that a complaint via the practice manager may not be out of order, based on the follow up things being posted.

Overcooked · 29/09/2011 15:06

I agree cheese - I really can't believe that the OP is getting a hard time over this. That comment and int he context or the OP discussing her partner's eating disorder was completely out of order.

I am also very impressed that the most you did was say that you were appalled - at 21 I would have probably lamped him!

Original poster
BullyBeefBadgers · 29/09/2011 15:06

THANK YOU Cheese! Smile for explaining what I seem to be failing to make clear!

OP posts:
gaaagh · 29/09/2011 15:08

Um, the OP didn't even mention that she was there to discuss an eating disorder. Or that she'd explained her worries and he'd gone down the path of noting his concerns.

There's so much more in the followups that skew this story. [shrug]

Original poster
BullyBeefBadgers · 29/09/2011 15:08

Again apologies for short OP. In my defence is hard enough getting the basics down with wriggly MiniBadger pressing ten keys for every one I press. Grin

OP posts:
ShoutyHamster · 29/09/2011 15:08

He may have had valid concerns, but... complain, complain, complain.

The way he spoke to you was totally inappropriate.

The way he ignored your discussion of your DP's symptoms - what you were AT the consultation FOR - and went off on a completely unrelated tangent was unhelpful, inappropriate, rude.

The comment he made on 'teenagers' was UTTERLY unnacceptable, and for THAT I'd be making sure his arse got a roasting.