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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be sick of hearing how wonderful it it to have baby Harper after 3 boys

144 replies

oliandjoesmum · 28/09/2011 13:39

Beckham at it again today. Know am being petty, and sure will be told I shouldn't care, but as a Mum of 3 boys do hate this constant insistence in the Western World that girls rule and boys are devils spawn. It makes me feel sorry for the Beckham boys, like they have been sidelined. Feeling a bit personal about this one at the moment, sister having girl to provide my Mum with first granddaughter after 4 grandsons. Really quite fed up with conversations about how amazing it will be compared to having noisy/ never sit still/ crap clothes wearing/non ballet dancing/ non horse riding/ dirty/ raucous boys(mothers words - not mine!)

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 28/09/2011 15:39

I also wanted three children, i got three DD's. I want both grandsons and daughters, however, there will be a novelty factor in buying baby boys clothes which i will enjoy.

Toys wise my first and last DD were unisex in their choices.

I didn't find that there was a gender preference for girls, people used to ask me if i was dissapointed at having girls.

lazylula · 28/09/2011 15:43

I have had a dd after 2 boys and it is lovely, especially as I wasn't particularly fussed about the boys name we had chosen Grin. I love my boys to bits and would have happily settled for them, but dd was obviously meant to be, but I do get a bit fed up with people assuming we are stopping now because we have a dd, which is rubbish, we are stopping now because I do not want anymore children, we would not be having another one even if dd had been a ds. I do believe that had we had 2 dds then a son we would have got the same comments, something to do with one of each sex being the perfect family.
Incidently ds1 goes to dancing and I think ds2 will too when he is 4 as he likes to try to join in now, so dd can go too if she wishes. I would like dd to be a bit girly, as in liking dresses and dolls, but also to have a rough and tumble side and not be scared to get dirty ect.
I am enjoying having a girl, from the fact that it is different clothes where as had she been a boy she would have been the hand me down kid (mind you she is anyway but not clothes I have used before).
I have also experienced families who seem to favour the girls or favour the boys, infact I know of one family who try to avoid taking the dd away on holidays, preferring to leave her at home with had dad and step mum as she is 'too much work' but happily take the boys (this is the mum and grandparents).

MIFLAW · 28/09/2011 15:51

"I have also experienced families who seem to favour the girls or favour the boys, infact I know of one family who try to avoid taking the dd away on holidays, preferring to leave her at home with had dad and step mum as she is 'too much work' but happily take the boys (this is the mum and grandparents)."

Mad and cruel.

Poor kid.

SoupDragon · 28/09/2011 15:57

I rather think you are projecting your own issues onto this.

MIFLAW · 28/09/2011 15:58

Soup

Who was that addressed to?

AKMD · 28/09/2011 15:59

lazylula that is shocking.

Lizcat · 28/09/2011 16:00

I think we all want a bit of what we haven't got. I love my DD to bits, but there are days when she sings/talks at me from the moment she wakes till the moment she sleeps when I wish she was a boy off climbing trees or something. I also have the reverse situation to you my sister produced the prodigal grandson recently after 3 granddaughters on top of two daughters.

SoupDragon · 28/09/2011 16:00

THe OP. and, TBH, anyone who thought silarly.

I did think that I hadn't made it clear when I t post but couldn't be arsed to do anything about it.

MIFLAW · 28/09/2011 16:05

"I love my DD to bits, but there are days when she sings/talks at me from the moment she wakes till the moment she sleeps when I wish she was a boy off climbing trees or something."

your best bet would be to take her down the park and teach her to climb trees then.

pommedechocolat · 28/09/2011 16:08

I think it is an obsession with seeing having one of each as the ultimate aim actually. Think since the dawn of time older ds and younger dd has been seen as 'best' combination with dd then ds second best.

I am expecting dd2 and when I tell people it's a girl I can see them dying to ask if I'm disappointed. Same for my friend expecting her ds2.

ThePosieParker · 28/09/2011 16:14

Strange comments on here, my children have very little clothes or accessories with tractors, fairies or anything on.

And I tried to have a girl after having two boys...and had one!!

5inthebed · 28/09/2011 16:19

MIFLAW, I live in such a family. My parents dote over my sisters DD, my boys dont get half the attention/gifts/paid for activitites they do. Boils my piss and I've mentioned it a few times, yet it doesnt change.

Eglu · 28/09/2011 16:20

YANBU. I have been quite surprised by how many people have said oh a girl at last to me since having DD after two boys. I know they don't really mean anything by it but I find it to be quite rude to my boys.

MIFLAW · 28/09/2011 16:22

5inthebed

I don't suppose it ever will - few people are rational about this sort of horseshit, whichever side they fall on.

The best we can do is reassure ourr children that it's not because of them and try to avoid endorsing or propagating the same silly attitudes ourselves.

Kayzr · 28/09/2011 16:36

I have 2 boys. Probably very stereotypical boys too. They love football, rugby, trains, planes and cars etc etc. Though DS1 has asked if he can go to dancing classes.

When I was pg with DS2 I was asked if I knew what sex he was. The woman then went on to say about how she really wanted it to be a girl as they are nicer than boys. Then I told her it was another boy so then she said boys are better.

We are ttc and yes I will admit I'd really love a girl. But we'd be just as happy with another boy but a girl would be nice.

I don't care if I get flamed for having said that. I just think it'll be really nice.

HengshanRoad · 28/09/2011 16:56

I find "as long as it's healthy" upsetting. What if it isn't?

WishIwereAtTheWiesnProst · 28/09/2011 17:00

I don't get that sentiment hengshan you must know what someone means by that comment. It means they don't have a preference on anything but if it were up to them they would their was healthy. Please name me one parent who doesn't wish that for their child? It obviously doesn't mean but if it is isn't healthy I'm not going to like it Hmm

most people when pregnant are nervous about the outcome, my greatest hope in this pregnancy is that my baby is healthy.

Kayzr · 28/09/2011 17:02

I don't think it means people won't love their baby as much if it isn't healthy but for me personally as much as I'd love a girl, I'd rather I had a healthy baby no matter the gender.

PeachyWhoCannotType · 28/09/2011 17:03

I don't find it upsetting either- as someone with 2 diagnosed asd kids and one in assessment.

Something wierd if people wouldn;t choose for their child not to have additional hurdles: doesn't mean anything about the love you have for them. Otherwise why would people vaccinate, get kids checked up, eat teh right foods when PG?

ThePosieParker · 28/09/2011 17:14

Oh for God's sake, a woman said (in front of myself and dd) that having only boys was the very best!! I just thought she probably wanted a girl and was over compensating, usually I just accept that people say anything instead of nothing and it's usua;lly meaningless.

WalkHomeBitches · 28/09/2011 17:18

YANBU i think this whole baby thing very over rated, i was very happy for her when she had it because i know how pleased i was when i had my 1st girl but i recently seen a picture of the baby 'Harper'(Anotther awful name) in a checked black and white dress so much for a fab vintage wardobe ! ;)

Squitten · 28/09/2011 17:35

We also have 2 boys and everyone thinks we must want a girl now. We definitely want a third (and final) child but I don't want to find out the gender when we do. Partly for the novelty of not knowing and partly because even with DS2, we got a lot of disappointed "Oh"s. I don't want my last pregnancy to become a pity party!

Must say though, every time I see a Lelli Kelly ad, I do hope for another boy Wink

herbietea · 28/09/2011 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Kayzr · 28/09/2011 17:49

Herbie that's horrible Sad I can't imagine what it must feel like for you when she says those things. Sad

I'd never try for another baby if I thought I would be like that.

cheeseandmarmitesandwich · 28/09/2011 18:31

The prejudice definitely exists the other way round too! We have 2 DDs and I'm sick of being asked if we'll be trying for a boy. And how are you supposed to 'try' for a boy exactly anyway?!

MIL and FIL got nothing but commiserations after SIL had her 4th girl. Lots of 'aahhh, what a shame you'll never have a grandson...' Selfishly I'm quite glad it wasn't a boy as no doubt he would have been the golden child after so many girls in the family!