" Check out the pregnancy boad if you want to see how unhappy people are when they get flamed for stating their legitimate feelings." As a man, I don't have much to say on pregnancy boards. also, I wouldn't want to add to those people's distress by telling them I think they're silly.
But, that said, I would say there is a further difference between wanting a boy or girl and then letting the fact that the child is a boy or girl determine what you can and can't do together. Your husband is from a West Indian family: fair enough. But he is not obliged to act out the same preferences and attitudes present in his own upbringing.
In the case of my own daughter, she does ballet at school and likes pink. That is because she is a girl, surrounded by other girls, watching girl-focussed messages on TV and hearing them in society. I think it's great she likes ballet and okay (not great, okay) that she likes pink.
But, as a responsible father, I'm not going to reinforce messages that that's what being a girl is all about; I'm going to contradict them and offer her an alternative viewpoint because that's my role as a parent. If she comes home and says, "oh, I don't play with X, he's a boy" I tell her she's being bloody silly (in the nicest possible way, of course!) And when she says, "can we play football?" (actually, throwing a football across the living room) then what can I reasonably answer except "yes, of course we can"?