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Original poster

i'm losing my looks and i can't deal with it

210 replies

haventstillgotit · 28/09/2011 10:25

i am nearly 32 with 2 dc

recently i have been looking in the mirror and hating what i see, i am starting to get wrinkles and am just looking generally shit and tired all the time despite having a healthy diet and luckily getting lots of sleep

sorry to sound big headed but i was very attractive in my 20's, i was a gawky teenager but when i got into my 20's i don't know what happened but i suddenly got a lot of male attention and people said i was pretty etc. i got with my dh when i was 26 and he used to get jealous because men would stare at me all the time, that doesnt happen now.

i'm thin and look ok-ish in clothes but shit without them but my ageing face lets me down anyway

i try my best to look nice but sometimes i think whats the point as i still look shit. feel pretty much invisible. my boobs are heading south and i have saggy skin and stretchmarks from the dc

thats it really. i know its only going to get worse and worse and there's nothing i can do.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 03/11/2015 19:44

I can't remember which model it was, but she was quoted as saying 'even I don't get up in the morning looking like me'.

all the images you see are fake. And many of the images look rough even when faked. Look at all those ugly fish pouts and vacant expressions. It's not pretty! And appearance is so, so dull.

your husband didn't marry you for your looks only - if he did he'd be an arse and from what you say, he is far from that. He married you because he loves you and your personality makes him happy. He's probably unhappy and worried because you are so unhappy.

please start talking to him.

longer term I suggest more interests and a wider life experience, but with two small children that is on the back burner for a while! And remember they see you as a total role model and need to know appearance is irrelevant.

I wish you the best.

Magic69 · 03/11/2015 19:46

Hey I am 31 and think I still have potential.....do u smoke or drink? eat bad food?

Look after yourself, you are still so young.....do you hair up, put some make up on....go for a run, get that confidence back because that's what makes u beautiful.

I was a very overweight teenager and very obese during my 20s, I married the first man who came along because I hated myself (I was 22). But I managed to loose the weight when I was 25 and it was like I had an awakening, men started to look at me and I felt beautiful for the first time in forever.

And after three DC....I still feel like I am beautiful and men will be lucky to have me. I look better now than I did when I was 20......and I am sure when I am 40 I will look better than I am 30..

aging is inevitable...but being beautiful and confident, that's optional

ChiefInspectorBarnaby · 03/11/2015 19:46

Same here OP Sad

expatinscotland · 03/11/2015 19:50

I felt good in my 30s. I'm nearly 45 and time is showing. But, well, I look after myself and that helps. Exercise helps. And the face peel. Other than that I don't do anything special. I use a body brush daily. The skin on my face is not at all dry so I don't even moisturise. I have my haircut once a month and that helps, too, and my eyebrows threaded every other month.

ILiveAtTheBeach · 03/11/2015 19:53

Listen to this...you're only 32...

Flum · 03/11/2015 19:55

Better to be old and wrinkly than dead.

DeoGratias · 03/11/2015 19:55

I am happy with my look at over 50 (just). So what causes some people not to be happy with them and others to be? Is it because of absence of other things in their lives or not much of a career so they have nothing else but how they look to define themselves?

Gruntfuttock · 03/11/2015 19:57

ILiveAtTheBeach the OP's not 32 any more. Look at the date she started the thread.

VulcanWoman · 03/11/2015 20:01

Flum, exactly, I've Just been on the I hate cancer thread, a women in her 40's, a friend of a poster has just died. I wish people would get some perspective and realise how lucky they are and what really matters, it's such a waste of energy and time worrying about trivia.

PinkBallerina · 03/11/2015 20:04

OP prior to having kids and being a SAHM i was a professional model. I quit that career 10 years ago. I look NOTHING like i did then. Now whenever anybody asks me what i used to do before DCs i lie say i worked in the fashion industry. Because whenever i tell people i used to be a professional model i get the Hmm face. It is embarrasing. I have to then explain that because of DCs, moving abroad for DH's work, not working myself and illness...i look like crap. So i know how you feel.

Apiarist · 03/11/2015 20:13

32 is very young to exhibit the possible signs of ageing that you describe (to the point that you don't understand how your DP can fancy you). Is it possible that you are having an exaggerated emotional response to minor changes?

Gruntfuttock · 03/11/2015 20:19

The threads 4 years old!

flippinada · 03/11/2015 20:23

I wonder how the OP is getting on?

I do feel sad when I see women (who are no doubt far more attractive than they believe themselves to be) hating themselves for not looking good enough.

Our society is so focused on women's physical appearance and the importance of looking youthful that it's not surprising.

specialsubject · 03/11/2015 20:34

oh blast, zombie thread. Hopefully the OP is happier now!!

Fishfingersong · 03/11/2015 20:34

Op, Thanks no matter how lovely you look objectively, if you feel anxious about yourself, you must be feeling so miserable. Luckily there are things you can do. Do sports, yoga, martial arts or something else that makes your body feel strong and gives you feel good hormones. You might make some more friends through a sports activity as well. Alternatively, have you ever been interested in learning an instrument or do some sort of professional training, evening classes etc? If you feel interested in life, and have some things that you feel passionate about, it will rejuvenate you, I promise Smile. Some some look gorgeous when they are middle aged, you can be one of them but are still way too young to think about that stage.

-sports

  • find something you are into!
-learn new skills

Do it!

Darvany · 03/11/2015 20:34

It may be four years older but people clearly haven't lost their love for the thread Smile

My face lost the last of its short-lived prettiness when I had to have some teeth out at the back and couldn't afford implants. I've never had a very symmetrical face anyway so that did it for me. It took me ages to work it out because at the time I was too busy with sleepless autistic DC2 and never looked in mirrors!

Fishfingersong · 03/11/2015 20:35

Lol at zombie thread, whoopsy daisy.

IrishDad79 · 03/11/2015 20:37

Ah, getting old - God's cruellest practical joke.

MadeMan · 03/11/2015 20:38

"the OP's not 32 any more. Look at the date she started the thread."

Probably got even more wrinkles now then.

TalkinPease · 03/11/2015 20:41

OP may now be in her late 30's
but the issues she raises are still scarily relevant

SuperFlyHigh · 03/11/2015 20:57

Why does everyone worry about losing their looks? I've gotten older, more tired looking (did panic when I got some grey hairs, hairdresser immediately) but everything else, weight gain I just either do something or I accept it. Change my look - buy new clothes. Unhappy with hair, get it cut/coloured.

In fact I help my mum (she asks) to dress younger not mutton dressed as lamb but more young looking eg trouser cuts etc. a nice jacket etc.

I'm lucky in that I do look younger than my age (both parents did) and can get away with minimal or no makeup but I'd never go down the Botox route that some of my friends would. I can see why they would but.... In fact one friend she's now settled but anyone who met her said she "tried too hard" hair always done, veneers, Botox etc. but then again she has naturally curly hair she hates etc....

ohtheholidays · 03/11/2015 21:00

I don't know if anyone else has mentioned this so sorry If i'm repeating but as we get older(it seems to affect women more than men)being very thin can make a women look older than she actually is,it can be very ageing within a persons face.

I don't no how thin you are but if your very small it could be that that's making your face appear aged to you.It's to do with the loss of some of the elasticity in the skin on our faces as we get older and we loose some of the plumpness that we associate with youth and looking younger.

BabyGanoush · 03/11/2015 21:04

I hope she is like me and feeling better.

I feel more attractive at 43 than I did at 33

weird but true.

I can see the eye bags and wrinkles and stuff, but my mindset has changed. It's as if I cut myself a lot more slack.

I plan to be fabulous by 53 Wink and unstoppable by 63 Grin

andthasafact · 03/11/2015 21:12

I feel sorry for people who were very attractive when young. Ageing and losing their looks is so much harder for them than it is for most people.

Also, plainer people usually have more developed personalities because they haven't been able to rely on looks to get them places in life, which attractive people often do, even though it's not intentional..

Good looking people score when they're younger but plainer people come into their own when older.

All beauty is fleeting and eventually fades.

TalkinPease · 03/11/2015 21:16

TBH a friend at my gym is so stunning we call her Barbie.
She's a pretty good Elle MacPherson double.
As is her 18 year old daughter.

I know she had boob implants years and years ago, and possibly a bit of botox
but otherwise she is ageing gracefully with a selection of facial lines because she smiles a lot
and works bloody hard to stay fit so she will look fantastic as she ages.

Grey hair and wrinkles look just fine with a smile.

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