i'm losing my looks and i can't deal with it

[haventstillgotit]

i am nearly 32 with 2 dc

recently i have been looking in the mirror and hating what i see, i am starting to get wrinkles and am just looking generally shit and tired all the time despite having a healthy diet and luckily getting lots of sleep

sorry to sound big headed but i was very attractive in my 20's, i was a gawky teenager but when i got into my 20's i don't know what happened but i suddenly got a lot of male attention and people said i was pretty etc. i got with my dh when i was 26 and he used to get jealous because men would stare at me all the time, that doesnt happen now.

i'm thin and look ok-ish in clothes but shit without them but my ageing face lets me down anyway

i try my best to look nice but sometimes i think whats the point as i still look shit. feel pretty much invisible. my boobs are heading south and i have saggy skin and stretchmarks from the dc

thats it really. i know its only going to get worse and worse and there's nothing i can do.

oh come on, if you have been beautiful it can be very hard to accept it when it starts to go or goes altogether for some of us.

However, I think your standard here OP may be perfection. We are presented with perfect images of women constantly and that goes in, no matter where we stand rationally. My guess is you are not as bad as you think but you got used to being perfect and really enjoyed the attention - of course, it is a great buzz.

Maybe you have to mourn that perfect specimen of womanhood - it was great while you had it. Though I really would bet it hasn't entirely gone - not at your age, anyway - that you are still devastatingly attractive just that your eyes don't see it. You are probably slightly less than perfect now.

I'm in my 50s and it's no picnic accepting what can happen once you get to this age, particularly if, as in your case, you've been a looker in the past. But I find to my surprise that I do still have it, I do still get a lot of attention, from all ages - which I enjoy (of course!). I like myself for a start and that shines through.

I thought the other day that I must be looking particularly attractive because a lot of people were looking at me but when I got home I realised I had a velcro curler stuck to my jumper (why didn't anyone say??)

dh still seems to really fancy me but i can't see how he can. and i take it out on him by getting angry if he tries it on and i can't enjoy sex as much as i used to because i don't feel attractive

That is more serious, sounds like you are rejecting evidence that you actually are attractive - maybe arrange a visit to doctor?

ME TOO, i used to be a bit of a babe, DS2 has fucked my body

tits, fucked
tummy, fucked
hair, cant afford to maintain
face, tired

hey ho!!!!!!

I don't think it is unusual to think like this, especially after a big life change. Like it or not looks and youthfulness are valued for men and women (though more for women, I realise), and it can be a big shock to find your "stock" has fallen even if you hadn't realised you relied on it for your self esteem. But you do need to find a way to accept that you won't look 25 again, whether or not you decide to overhaul your image.

I agree that confidence and personality are key (confidence from liking yourself, not the confidence you get from people looking at you in the street and "approving" of you). but there is nothing wrong with trying to look your best for yourself if you think that would make you feel better.

Also how old are your DCs? I found that the tiredness that came with looking after a child was incredibly ageing (but them I am much older than you!) and that improved a lot with time.

I am 40 and look much better then I did at 25 even though I was "prettier" then. I had NO internal confidence though. I do like to make the most of myself now, for me, so when I feel the slide into frumpiness I try to dress better - it takes as long to put on something that looks good as something that does me no favours (obviously I dress for the practicalities of my life running after a toddler, walking everywhere and having DS regularly wiping his nose on my top when I think he is giving me a cuddle).

If money is tight and you feel you need pampering can you get people to give you vouchers for a local salon for birthday/Xmas. Also lipgloss / perfume before you leave the house always make everyone think you have made an effort even if you hadn't.

I don't think I'm alone in looking at old photos and wishing I had known how attractive I was way back when.... just appreciated it, not got all big headed. I've never felt 'hot' but I was.

My concept of me is changing with age, in a good way. I do not crave youth. I simply try and look good for my age, rather than try to look younger. I also try and learn new skills, so that I'm not remembered solely for 'once being beautiful' but for a pletherer of different things, possibly including 'was beautiful when young'.

My Mum is 65 and looks great for her age, she LOOKS 65 but she looks fab on it... she was a real beauty when young and she's a real older beauty now, however, she is much much more than that.

Pfffffffffff... at least you're still thin

It comes to us all eventually OP.

But sometimes the most attractive thing you can wear is a confident smile.

Also, at least you're slim. I know a lot of women who would gladly accept a few wrinkles in return for a slim figure.

At least make up can cover them.

Whilst I can identify with what you are saying, something recently happened which made me stop and think..
I am 37 and had to get a new passport. I hated the idea of getting new photos done, because in my previous one I was 27, no wrinkles, just generally more lovely and fresh faced. But then I remembered how much I hated and loathed that photo at the time, because I was no longer the 17 year old in my first adult passport .
I realised that in 10 years time, I will look back at this current photo and appreciate my looks now, so I should just damn well accept them and get on with enjoying life!

by the way all my thin friends look older than me, serously. we are 39 ish though

As others have said - I would guess it's mainly in your mind. Of course you are getting older, but it's something we have to accept.

Get a nice haircut, have a facial, a new outfit or two (if you can afford all these things) - but the main thing I would suggest is exercise. Not only will it improve you physically, it will make a massive difference to how you feel about yourself.

As others have said it's time to work on your self-esteem. It's a crying shame that you place value on yourself not by what you've achieved but by "wolf whistles". :(

I will never feel as gorgeous as I did at 34. Funny really, you look back at the photos taken of 24, 21, 18, 15 when you saw such horrors and you realise how AMAZING you looked.

OP - what do you do for you ? I'm not talking about being a "wife and mum" - what do you really do?

Look at yourself now. First thing in the morning with no make up on.

In 5 years time you will look back on the way you look now and think 'actually, I wasn't half bad back then.

I look at pictures of myself from 10 years ago and think I looked lovely. At the time I thought I looked like shit.

Honestly? Sorry to be depressing but you are going to lose your youthful good looks and stop getting so much attention. It happens. Nowt you can do about it.

You have two choices: keep looking and feeling bad about yourself and spending stupid amounts of time and money on your appearance.

Or stop looking at yourself so much, concentrate on keeping a kind, happy look on your face (because looking kind and happy is a great beautifier on an older woman) and think about something else.

And stop reading women's magazines - they're all bollocks and are designed to make you feel insecure so you go out and spend money on the stuff they advertise. Really - don't buy them. Soon you will start to feel much better.

At 45 I feel that even a minute spent experiencing angst about my appearance is a precious minute of my life wasted.

This is the upside of being fat and ugly. I never had any looks to lose so ageing doesn't bother me!

I am 41 and look amazing

Ok I don't but I try to feel positive. There really isn't anything you can do so honestly why worry? I like to look groomed, I watch my weight, I wear slap (yes all shallow but matters to me).

I know women who've had Botox and they look like they've had botox. So meh to that shit.

OP you are young and healthy (I hope) - be thankful for all you have in life

I started looking rough and tired, and I realised that it was my upper eye lids sagging. I bought some eye magic and they make a massive difference, I think it is the only beauty thing I have ever bought that has actually helped

OP, you´re probably not losing your looks, just getting older.

It doesn´t mean the same.

OP, just remember that many of the so called beautiful women in magazines,don't actually resemble their pictures.
I also believe that confidence is the key. In my twenties, i was really paranoid about my looks. I look at old photos now and think that i wasn't that bad.
The funny thing is that i attract more male and female attention in my thirties and that is solely because i am much more confident.

Your looks have nothing to do with your problems - you really need to work on your self esteem - as my Nana used to say - Beauty is only skin deep & REAL beauty shines from within & she was VERY right -

lifes to short to waste mirror gazing & being so shallow, wasting time fretting over what your lost - you need to fill your time with something more fulfilling than that - we ALL get older, we ALL drop to bits - thats life, it ALWAYS has been - consider yourself lucky you had looks to lose at all - many never have - so instead of fretting - be grateful for that & stop being so silly

Ha ha - try being 43 for size! (sorry, not helpful!)

Agree with Thingumy however with the assertion that nothing is as attractive as confidence.

I agree OP. When I was younger I used to take it for granted that I was attractive (without wanting to sound too vain). Now, older and a bit chunkier, it isn't the case! Although I am also aware that at 36, I will look back at how I am now and wish I'd been more grateful.

I'm in my early 40s and thought I don't have the freshness of my 20s, the one thing I do have now is confidence. I KNOW I'm sexy and gorgeous, back in my 20s I didn't.

We are forced by the media to think smooth skin and six pack are what is sexy, but ask your average male and they will tell you they like real women, that's why readers wives is very popular porn.

Go get some new clothes, use a personal shopper, try a new hairdresser and get a make over and you will feel like a yummy mummy. (hate that term but love the feeling!)

It aint easy when you've been a looker. I am 39 and I was a model in my 20s....now I have lines and jowels.....and a fat arse. I have moved on...those days of perfection are pretty much over...it was a time in my life...now its time for other things.

I still look attractive....for a pushing 40 working Mum of two! That's that....I refuse to do Botox and crap like that...accept the change. I bet you still look a lot better than me!

I doubt it is as bad as it seems.
I find drinking water makes a huge difference to how drained my face looks, it really makes me seem more fresh. Why do you not concentrate on working out -swimming, walking, and do toning exercies for you pec muscles to perk up your breasts if you are worried. Get a flattering hair cut and colour, and spend time looking at your eyebrows that makes a huge difference. I am thinking about getting one of those facial toning machines to combat jowelness which is a re-occuring fear of mine. Anyone else used them and can say if they are good?

If it makes you feel any better actresses and models need a huge amount of help too. I know someone who works as a make-up artist, and for days before a shoot the y will be working out, not eating, and taking salt baths, then they get hours in make-up with professional artists (seriously they can paint on six packs, get rid of wrinkles etc), then they get professionals in to light them (which makes a huge difference-takes off pounds and make speople look toned), then after the shoot it will be digitally altered (even moving images are altered like this). It is about as realistic as comparing yourself to a cartoon character.

Go to youtube and look up dove evolution.