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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i'm losing my looks and i can't deal with it

210 replies

haventstillgotit · 28/09/2011 10:25

i am nearly 32 with 2 dc

recently i have been looking in the mirror and hating what i see, i am starting to get wrinkles and am just looking generally shit and tired all the time despite having a healthy diet and luckily getting lots of sleep

sorry to sound big headed but i was very attractive in my 20's, i was a gawky teenager but when i got into my 20's i don't know what happened but i suddenly got a lot of male attention and people said i was pretty etc. i got with my dh when i was 26 and he used to get jealous because men would stare at me all the time, that doesnt happen now.

i'm thin and look ok-ish in clothes but shit without them but my ageing face lets me down anyway

i try my best to look nice but sometimes i think whats the point as i still look shit. feel pretty much invisible. my boobs are heading south and i have saggy skin and stretchmarks from the dc

thats it really. i know its only going to get worse and worse and there's nothing i can do.

OP posts:
sunshinelifeisgood · 30/09/2011 22:40

yabu: the reason I say this is because you are young, you have a dh that you love, two dc. Beauty is skin deep apparently. There are people in the world that have "real issues" with thier looks. chill out :)

MistyMountainHop · 02/10/2011 11:57

some good advice on here :)

Profile3000 · 03/11/2015 18:31

I'm in the same situation. Age 33 I was ok then at age 34 due to being unemployed and lack of exercise I lost every bit of looks I had on my face and my body.

Basically, I can't cope. So when you find the solution tell me at the moment I'm going through a midlife crisis and regretting everything I didn't do.

Leavingsosoon · 03/11/2015 18:34

I know it's a zombie but oh me too! Me too!

In some ways it's quite freeing. Now I've accepted I'm plain and frumpy it's all cool, although I wish I looked a bit more groomed.

Crabbitface · 03/11/2015 18:44

Focus on what your body can DO and not what it looks like. My boobs are veiny and white and huge, but they have fed both my kids. My hips are wide with a considerable amount of padding, but when my gorgeous 5 year old falls asleep I am strong enough to carry him home. My face may be wrinkled and a bit jowly but when my wee girl holds it in her hands and plants a kiss on my lips I feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Chin up love... you don't feel like you're beautiful anymore but I bet you are so much more than what you look like.

Grapejuicerocks · 03/11/2015 18:56

dh still seems to really fancy me but i can't see how he can. and i take it out on him by getting angry if he tries it on and i can't enjoy sex as much as i used to because i don't feel attractive

If you end up losing him it will be because of this rather than you aging. You are attractive. Yes he fell for your looks at first but isn't that true for everyone? Then he got to know and like the real you. You are doing your husband a great diservice by believing otherwise, and someone having no faith in you is unattractive in itself. You are basically not trusting him. And if he can't be trusted, he's not much of a catch in the first place is he? How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

Confidence is attractive. Counselling sounds a good idea to sort out your self esteem. Respect and like yourself and others will follow suit.

Grapejuicerocks · 03/11/2015 18:57

oops just realised it's zombie.

Grapejuicerocks · 03/11/2015 18:58

I wonder how it's turned out for the op 4 years later?

BeverlyGoldberg · 03/11/2015 19:04

I thought the thread title was you were losing your books, I was about to post my sincere sympathy.

lorelei9 · 03/11/2015 19:07

Beverley - lol!

I too am wondering if the OP would like to give an update, 4 years later.

Roussette · 03/11/2015 19:08

OP... I have to take issue with this..
he knows i am insecure about my looks as well but he just says i have nothing to worry about. but i can't believe he will still love and fancy me when i have got no looks left at all

Where do you think your looks go? They don't disappear overnight! I am not far off twice your age and I just make the best of what I have got. I can understand your mother had some sort of influence on your low self esteem now, but if you were a looker a few years ago, I would bet my bottom dollar you are gorgeous now! And the mother of DCs and a husband who fancies you.

We all have to age, but the important thing is growing into yourself and not lamenting the odd crows feet, slightly rounder figure etc. Your body is changing (everyone's is!) and you honestly need to embrace those changes. I exercise 3 times a week, I look in the mirror and think "Rous, you old trout, you ain't doing bad", men occasionally still come on to me and I was not really attractive when I was younger. (I imagine they need to go to Specsavers but still...!)

Do get some counselling if you are totally struggling with body dysmorphia or rock bottom self esteem. Alternatively, just know that time is not standing still for anyone else and I betcha loads of women look across at you and think fuck it, she's really attractive, I wish I looked like her.

Roussette · 03/11/2015 19:09

Oh sod it. Didn't realise it was zombie. Just ignore.

VulcanWoman · 03/11/2015 19:10

Don't regret growing older it's a privilege denied to many.

bronnie98 · 03/11/2015 19:11

OK LISTEN TO ME RIGHT NOW - mate I can 100% guarantee at your ridiculously young age you still look EXACTLY the same to everybody else around you. You may the odd wrinkle but NOBODY would notice/care.

Anyway women in their 30's are SO sexy.

Love yourself - who cares what the outside looks like anyway?

SlaggyIsland · 03/11/2015 19:11

Rouseete excellent advice regardless.

SlaggyIsland · 03/11/2015 19:11

Roussette sorry!

DickDewy · 03/11/2015 19:14

I'm 45 and think I look fab.

You're ageing - we all are. When you're in your 40s who will think you were really daft to have wasted time worrying over ageing in your early 30s.

I don't believe in putting on weight to 'fill out wrinkles'. My friend who is fat constantly bemoans her wrinkly forehead.

I also don't believe that women who have Botox look like they have (someone uptrend said that). Look at Davina McCall - she looks amazing and natural and admits to doing it.

DickDewy · 03/11/2015 19:16

Upthread, sodding auto correct.

lavenderhoney · 03/11/2015 19:16

Looks get you through the door, personality keeps you in the room. If you have the personality of a doorknob then it doesn't matter how fabulous you look..

You're being quite hard on yourself op, although I went through a stage of not taking my coat off unless I really had to, as I'd put on so much baby weight. It's a bugger to get off, and after CS every harder IMO.

You do sound as though you need to talk to your dh because I expect he would be helpful, and kind. I used the s&b threads here to help me, and I feel a lot better. It's important to me and helps with my confidence and self esteem.

stopfaffing · 03/11/2015 19:16

OP, I clicked on this thread because the title struck a chord with me, although I am sad that you are so young to feel like that.

I've been lucky enough not to have ever been good looking anyway but even I noticed I had begun ageing when I was about 50; before that I looked passable Grin. I have come to terms with grey hair, wrinkles, the beginnings of jowls Shock.

Then I realised that if I had ever been physically attractive, I would be very upset at losing my looks. Not having any in the first place means I don't have much to lose every cloud.... Wink.

Roussette · 03/11/2015 19:19

No worries Slaggy, I answer to anything!

I haven't had botox and never would. Lots of reasons really.. I feel I don't look my age but I think it's a state of mind. I've had to tweak what I wear here and there just so I don't look ridiculous. I did get too thin once and I was told I did look 10 years older but I carried the weight loss way below my natural weight so that is probably why.

A woman who likes or even loves herself is far more attractive to others because there is an innermost confidence I think.

ConfusedInBath · 03/11/2015 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 03/11/2015 19:24

I use a 12% face peel and it's been fab.

daydreamnation · 03/11/2015 19:25

I'm 43 and quite honestly think I look great Grin I can see I look older, have the wrinkliest skin on my tummy from 2 big buggers of pregnancies but I'm slim and just think sod it. Nothing looks worse than a surgically enhanced face, so I just moisturise like a demon and (try) to embrace the inevitable.
I still wear very short skirts but always with opaque tights and somehow this always puts a spring in my step and makes me feel 'young'
Please tell your dh how you feel, he probably has no idea Sad

TalkinPease · 03/11/2015 19:43

OP
I looked in the mirror the other day and realised I look like how I remember my grandmother

so I grinned and carried on into my yoga class