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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious that neighbour put letter through door at 5am complaining about dd crying..?

470 replies

cheaperthantherapy · 27/09/2011 09:03

i need some perspective I think... Am 12 weeks pg, so hormones contributing to irrational emotions -AIBU....

We moved to new house in July, semi detached in London. Poor dd, 14 mo, has been unsettled since move and has woken up average twice a night crying. I soothe and put her back down within 15 mins. The past week she's been teething and waking screaming 6 times a night. So I have get in with me to quickly calm and try teething gel.

Last night 5am our neighbour (mid 20s woman) put a letter through our door saying she is fed up with dd crying, she has gone to doc for medication, and asking if she needs to move to get sleep...

My reaction was to write a note back suggesting in an offended and grumpy tone that she clearly has more issues if she needs to see doc because of crying baby and recommended she buy earplugs (I attached a packet of ear plugs for her).

Dh didn't let me put the note in her door - but am still fuming... AIBU?

OP posts:
LadyMontdore · 27/09/2011 11:18

Well, I can see both sides.

  1. If your dd is in that much distress I would give calpol not teething gel.
  2. Feel sorry for you
  3. Feel sorry for your neighbour.
  4. That seems a lot of crying at her age, if I were you I'd want to get it well sorted before new baby arrives.
  5. If it was me I'd try controlled crying - took 3 nights to work with our two at similar ages to yours. If she's screaming all night it won't make much difference to your neighbour.
  6. Go and see neighbour, tell her how sorry you are and that you are having a difficult time but you have a plan.
  7. Do not post her earplugs!

I'm afraid it is up to you to resolve it, you do need to be considerate of your neighbour and it's in your interest to sort it too!

GypsyMoth · 27/09/2011 11:21

Sardinequeen..... It's been going on since JULY and has now upped its pace

Op really should have made some contact ( she has with other neighbours) just to let them all know she is trying!

LadyMontdore · 27/09/2011 11:22

Fit2drop - if I was woken twice in the night that would be basically no sleep - takes me ages to get to sleep and an hour or sometimes two to get back if I'm woken. If woken after 4 unlikely to get back to sleep at all. Could easily mean only 3 or 4 hours sleep. Maybe neighbour is the same?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 27/09/2011 11:23

I've had to stop reading this thread because I'm pissing myself laughing over the inadequate 2 bed house. OP obviously, regardless of everything else, you should have reached a bit further into your millions and bought a 5 bedroom house. How very remiss of you! FFS.

LetThereBeRock · 27/09/2011 11:23

Have your taken your dd to the gp? It's possible that this might not all be down to teething,but an ear infection perhaps,or another condition. The poor girl sounds miserable so I think it'd be a good idea to take her to rule anything else out.

And yes do apologise. Perhaps it can't be helped, but that's still no reason not to apologise imho.

LunarRose · 27/09/2011 11:25

Your child is in pain from the sounds of it bad pain. If you were an adult with toothache you wouldn't scream for hours, you'd take paracetmol. Give your DC calpol!!!

corygal · 27/09/2011 11:25

I don't believe that partying is the same as teething - but I do believe that sleep-depriving your neighbours is anti-social however you choose to do it.

I'm concerned about how aggressive this thread is - that glorious combination of playing the kiddy card and rank aggression, beloved by the entitled, is flying off the screen.

Not that anyone seems to mind much here about the baby, but I would have her checked by the GP. That's an awful lot of screaming for teething.

LunarRose · 27/09/2011 11:27

yes also agree with others who say get DC checked out at doctors. babies scream for hunger, thirst, nappy, attention and pain. If you're giving all the rest and DC is still waking 6 time a night she is in PAIN!!!

SardineQueen · 27/09/2011 11:30

Isn't it normal for a baby to wake a couple of times a night though?

The baby has been waking a couple of times a night since July, unsettled and crying. She's 14 months. That's not wildly unusual surely?

buttonmoon78 · 27/09/2011 11:31

OP - yabu in that you have not made contact before and pre-empted this. Yes, babies cry but you could should have started damage limitation the minute her sleep went a bit wrong.

She is bu because writing notes is not an ideal form of communication but she's probably desperate. And you're both sleep deprived so that will account for some of the unreasonableness.

There are some good suggestions for physically reducing the amount of sound which travels through the walls which it might be a good idea to try before dc2 arrives Wink

Take her a bottle of wine, explain and apologise profusely for her interrupted sleep. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

BTW I say this from the position of having a noisy 10wk baby with wind and reflux and a house where the party walls are made of loo roll. We get on fine with our neighbours as it's all give and take (but the one side has twin boys so I guess remembers only too well what it was like!). They both know we're trying and that it is a finite thing. In turn, we try to limit the noise which is directly next to bedrooms.

SardineQueen · 27/09/2011 11:31

" I do believe that sleep-depriving your neighbours is anti-social however you choose to do it. "

But no-one chooses to have a crying baby.

Well I suppose people choose to have babies.

Should people only have babies if they can afford detached houses?

NunTheWiser · 27/09/2011 11:31

OP, I would take your DD to the GP for a check up. It may be her ears that are bothering her rather than teeth. Glue ear can cause a pressure build up that results in agonising shooting pains behind the eardrum when a child is lying down for any length of time.

Crazybit · 27/09/2011 11:33

I think ear plugs are a good idea. But take them round. Say sorry. Offer her the ear plugs, tell her you know it's not ideal but you are doing what you can to prevent dd from annoying her but you are only human. Maybe some flowers or chocolates from dd will help.

DandyLioness · 27/09/2011 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

buttonmoon78 · 27/09/2011 11:34

sardine ime no - it's not normal for a 14mo to wake in the night. Unless unwell so I agree with the suggestion to get her checked by a gp.

SardineQueen · 27/09/2011 11:35

Dandylioness no it's not great, obviously. But it's not abnormal. OP says the baby has been waking a couple of times a night since they moved. It happens.

buttonmoon you think it is abnormal for a 14mo to wake at night? Really?

This thread is gettign silly now.

SardineQueen · 27/09/2011 11:37

So those who say that OP is being U by "letting" her baby cry.

What suggestions do you have for her to get her abnormal baby to STFU?

This is ridiculous.

DandyLioness · 27/09/2011 11:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dinkystinky · 27/09/2011 11:41

OP - you all have my sympathy - You're pregnant, exhausted and stressed. And your DD is miserable. And your neighbour is exhausted, stressed and miserable. No one's fault - these things happen (I've had it with neighbour's children and they've had it with mine over the years) - but opening proper lines of communication, and showing some sympathy (on both sides) and concern, will hopefully make it all much more bearable all round. I'd pop round to your neighbours with some chocolates and the ear plugs and explain that DD is going through a phase and teething and in pain and you're doing all you can to calm her and keep her quiet and hopefully it will get better soon - and ask if in the meantime there is anything that can be done re rejigging rooms on either side to ensure your neighbour isnt disturbed as much. Sometimes having some white noise in a bedroom is enough to block out the sounds of muffled crying through the wall - may be worth your neighbour trying that. I sincerely hope you all get some sleep soon.

Re teething - we found anbesol teething liquid a godsend with DS2 (who was awful at nights and bad with teething). You can get it from the pharmacy and it numbs the area entirely. Much more effective than teething gel.

SardineQueen · 27/09/2011 11:41

OK so it is U of OP not to get her not normal baby to STFU.

Nice.

LunarRose · 27/09/2011 11:42

DS woke up constantly (but he had food/eating/tummy pain) and DD woke up alot at 18 months. But neither cried for prolonged periods of time unless there was something that needed medical attention e.g. she had an ear infection.

But teething for me always meant - teething gel constantly, calpol, and on occasion also a cool teething ring.

OP, OP daughter and next door neighbour need sleep. I also really don't like the idea of people being left in pain tis better IMHO to give the child some calpol.

DandyLioness · 27/09/2011 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

buttonmoon78 · 27/09/2011 11:44

sardine as a mother of 4 ime (as I said), no it is not normal.

OpinionatedMum · 27/09/2011 11:45

I wouldn't apologise for a baby crying.

I would send a polite note explaining the baby was teething and you are doing all you can to minimise the problem and that hopefully she will get some more sleep soon. It wouldn't contain an apology though. What has the OP done wrong?

GypsyMoth · 27/09/2011 11:45

Sardinequeen...... Op says it was twice a night from July, but it's now increased to 6 times a night

Prompting the neighbour to write the note!

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