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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to cry for three hours?

152 replies

FabbyChic · 24/09/2011 22:14

Am I?

My son has gone.

He usually sits on the other sofa with a Skype headset on, always there never moved for two years, now he has gone and I miss him so much.

I worry that he is sitting in his Uni room all alone without his laptop cos he left the charger here. Has he even eaten? What if he doesn't make friends, what if he is lonely.

I've no one in RL to talk to, I've no family.

Is my son going to be okay? Will I myself survive this cos it really hurts. It's just me and the dog, I'm even worried I'm neglecting the dog.

OP posts:
LeBOF · 25/09/2011 11:01

Good for you- you've done a smashing job.

worraliberty · 25/09/2011 11:05

It's nice to see you showing your softer side.

Up until now the only things I've ever seen you type about your sons is how much money they earn and the fact they've gone/are going to Uni.

They haven't flown the nest, they've just popped out of it for a while. They'll soon be back during the holidays and you can thoroughly spoil them for a while Grin

FabbyChic · 25/09/2011 11:08

I think I mention how much my eldest earns cos Im in awe of him. I shall try and stop mentioning his salary!

OP posts:
youarekidding · 25/09/2011 11:09

Hi fabbychic

Firstly please don't mellow I need a reason to use the Shock face.

Secondly I'm in hants too. If you ever need company I enjoy walks etc and could dog walk with you. I also have a 7yo DS so it may help to remind you noisy they are! and appreciate the silence just a tinee bit. Wink

I'm also LP and doing an OU degree. I started the pyschology and had to drop it as too hard (I'm dyslexic). Doing open degree now.

I'm South Hampshire (in the middle) if that gives you a clue to my location.

Shoshe · 25/09/2011 11:09

Fabby you just have to remember all the good things about having a empty house:

There is always coffee in the jar and milk in the fridge, the ceral box actually has some in not just an empty box put back in the cupboard.

The bathroom is clean and tidy, no wet towels left on the floor.

No cups and plates left in the lounge, (or if they ever made it there, in the sink)

You have control of the remote, and can watch all those chickflicks and period dramas that you didnt before.

The house dosnt smell of rugby kits or overpowering deodorant (why do boys think the more they spay on the better it smells!)

You can eat chocolate and biscuits without hiding in the kitchen behind the door.

You can wander from the bathroom to your bedroom in the nuddy.

No being woken when the try to creep in quietly from the latest rugby match, via the club and fail miserably.

No thump thump of music or that tinny sound when they actually put on their headphones.

No nodding and pretending to get it when they watch the latest 'comedian' that you just dont think is funny.

Being able to lie in the bath for as long as you want without them coming and wanting the toilet (they do this from potty training till leaving home, believe me)

Going out to work and coming home to find the house, as clean tidy and smelling nice as you left it, not full of used coffee cups, trainers in the hall and teenage boys lounging all over the place.

See lots of positives

And they never stay away for long, mine left home 15 years ago, still wanders in raids the cake tin and asks whats for dinner everyso often.

Brings his wife and child as well now Grin

Shoshe · 25/09/2011 11:11

Fabby I'm in North Wilts as well if your close.

worraliberty · 25/09/2011 11:12

No you don't have to stop Lol

It's just that money doesn't make a person

We all know complete dick heads who drive flash cars, snort coke and treat people like shit (well I do!)

I'm sure you're very proud of his achievments, it's just I've never heard you mention what sort of personalities your kids have or seen you post a humorous little story about them IYSWIM....it's just money and Uni.

Not that you should have to...but well I'm going to stop typing now cos I'm waffling Grin

getinthebasket · 25/09/2011 11:26

I was the same when dd went to uni also with my ds I couldnt pass their bedrooms without sitting on their beds and snivvelling but it does get better, a sigh of releif when ds went back after spending a whole weekend washing very dirty clothes.

heleninahandcart · 25/09/2011 11:29

Aw Fabby, he will be fine Of course you miss him. This is a new phase, you will adjust and be fine. And yes we do care.

FabbyChic · 25/09/2011 12:01

My eldest is an achiever, he strives to be the best to the point he is relentless, he is always happy nothing bothers him, only going bald at 23 and his acne which is coming back cos the job is so stressful. He eats three meals a day and is a health and fitness fanatic.

My youngest is like me no patience! But is so loving and caring and has strong family values, he is a die hard Athiest and likes to tackle people on their religious beliefs, Ive told him to stop that because he shouldn't do it!

I live in Portsmouth and would be really pleased to meet up for a coffee with anyone within a 20 miles driving distance. Im softer in public because words do hurt when given face to face. I like kids too! even 7 year olds.

OP posts:
nickschick · 25/09/2011 12:05

shoshe I heart you !!

Fabby your meltiiiinggggggg

WannaBeMarryPoppins · 25/09/2011 12:45

It is true what everyone says, not calling is a good sign. If he would be lonely or homesick he would call all the time but he isn't, so he is having a great time.

Your youngest sounds great and I am sure he will have a lot of time at uni to debate religion etc as well Wink

Keep busy today. And remember that this will make your relationship even better. Whenever I go home I spend as much time with my mum as possible, even the small things are more fun. And I am sure he will be willing to bring home some dirty laundry and let you cook for him when he gets home! Give him a few weeks time and he will want to spend a weekend or so at home, I am sure.

Just remember you did a great job. He is off to a great uni which will help him so much in life. And I am sure you gave him everything he needs

spiderpig8 · 25/09/2011 12:46

he 's still living at home really though isn't he?The uni holidays add up to as long as the term time.The price of housing he'll probably be living at home for many years to come
I think you will really soon get used to and like the idea of lots of 'me' time

PattySimcox · 25/09/2011 13:09

Well done on surviving the first day and not sobbing down the phone.

Am also Shock that you are actually a big softie deep down Grin

ll31 · 25/09/2011 13:12

congrats and best wishes! enjoy having place to yourself!

valiumredhead · 25/09/2011 13:48

Hey Fabby, just wanted to offer my support. My dh already jokes he has counselling booked for me for when ds 10 leaves home! Grin

The good thing about uni is the loooooooooooong summer holidays so you will still have plenty of time being mum.

It sounds like you have done a great job with both your boys :)

hellhasnofury · 25/09/2011 14:12

...Maybe move the sofas and hoover under them...

Must sort out eyesight, read that as 'hide under them' and wondered how the bloody hell anyone could hide under sofas.

You'll be fine Fabby, it's the start of a whole new era and all that.

youarekidding · 25/09/2011 15:12

fabby I am fareham so offer of a shoulder to cry on definatly stands. I often take DS for a walk (he scoots/ cycles etc) so if you need company dog walking then just PM me. I also work during the week but w/e I try and do as little as poss!!!

We have a great thread going in local boards as lot's of us around this area. Quite a few Portsmouth, Fareham, Gosport and slightly beyond!!!

Selks · 25/09/2011 15:19

FabbyChic, you don't stop being a mum because your lad is now at University. And the holidays will come round soon enough and he will be home for weeks on end. Be pleased for him that he has this opportunity.
But I do sympathise....it is hard when they first go. You will get used to it. But really now you need to look at constructing a bit of a life for yourself. You don't want your son worrying about his mam back home being lonely. Now's the time to look at what small steps you can take for yourself.
I went through it myself when my son left for Uni. That was four years ago. Last month he emigrated 4000 miles around the world to live and work abroad for four years minimum. I have no idea when I will next see him due to cost of airfare. Could be a year or more. I miss him, but I'm so happy for him.

rentaroom · 25/09/2011 17:24

I don't know why people are surprised that Fabby has a heart. I see lots of her posts which are very caring and warm.

Fabby, enjoy doing things just for you. Maybe buy a nice new throw and new cushions for the empty settee to make it look lovely and stop reminding you of him Smile xxx

iliketherain · 25/09/2011 17:42

xxxx xxxx xxxxx

Few kisses and hugs for you....................................fabs

alistron1 · 25/09/2011 17:47

Awww, bless you Fabby!! My mom said that me going to uni was the worst thing that ever happened to her...however she soon got over it Grin

You'll be fine, allow yourself a wallow today though, you deserve it.

takeonboard · 25/09/2011 17:57

fabby I have copied and pasted your post as I know I will need it exactly word for word myself in 8 years time! (if MN is still around then).

I just hope when I post it that I get as much support as you have here, you have so much to smile about Smile and don't worry he hasn't left you permanently - he will be back for food and laundry services Grin.
In the meantime you must be so proud.

Daisy871 · 25/09/2011 18:48

Fabby, I know how you feel. I have two boys, both at uni and my youngest left for his uni two weeks ago. It's weird having an empty house after 16 years of raising them on my own. At least you have your wee dog. My cat left home 4 months ago and when he walks down the street he won't even come in!! :( Oh well, such is life Smile

FabbyChic · 25/09/2011 18:50

Aaaaw Daisy sorry about your cat. My dog seems to be coping okay, he wailed when the eldest went four years ago!

OP posts: