to be totally fucked off with the antisahm comments on here?

[slackers]

Wtaf are you only a good role model to your DC if you are in paid employment?
Why does someone only be valid in society if they earn?
Why should I work only to pay someone else do a job to look after my DC? wtaf is the logic in that?
ffs

isnt sahm/wohm argy bargy
til someone has said why have kids if leave with someone else
precious moments
day care orphanage

It might be what MN does but it doesn't stop the intent behind some of the posts being entirely vitriolic.

Unless you think everyone is just playing devils advocate or honing their debating skills?

I think it unlikely myself.

oh dear god this notion that anyone camp are belittled more/less than other is nonsense
but people do love a good well if one was secure,one wouldn't say such ghastly things to support their particular pov

People have to believe that their way is right, for many people this means that if someone else is doing it differently then obviously they are wrong.

Kids will be fine either way, women have always had to work, the difference is that now they expect to be paid properly.

I stay at home for my and DH's benefit as much as the boy's. It is easier and more fun for everyone this way.

On the other thread a poster seemed appalled that people were doing what they wanted and what mare them happy instead of what she believed they should be doing. I think that is utterly bizarre.

Fillybuster, I don't think it's emotive at all. I would hope that all of us with kids in the early years have some "precious moments", no? I don't see it as relating to one "group" of mothers at all. All of us will have moments like you describe too. There are the extremes, who have full nanny care etc, but the majority of us will enjoy giggles and hold our noses through nappy changes. Working status doesn't make shit smell sweeter or reduce the value of the good times.

I have only been a mother for 21 months. I spent 12 mths on mat leave, 6 working 2.5 days a week, now working f/t, will probably have another child in a year or so and repeat. Most people I know seem to experience a mix of working patterns over these years, only a few seem to relate to being either/or, in one "camp" or another. I know only one SAHM and other than me, I don't know anyone working f/t. Most work p/t 3 or 4 days a week, so experience both. When I was working 2.5 days a week, if I had a great day, I wanted to be a SAHM forever. When I had a day like you described, I couldn't wait to get back to work. I think a lot of people will be able to empathise with lots of different feelings and thoughts about this debate because of working flexibility.

evidently.we all hope for psychic confluence and to reduce have cognitive dissonance. naturally we tell selves that our beliefs are valid and oppositional ones are not that

No-one's answered my question - where are all these jobs for all the SAHMs? And how did I miss the news item about all these millions of job vacancies that have suddenly become available?

Which is a very good point, SDTG. there are many supposed "SAHMs" and "SAHDs" at the moment who are just unemployed. No choice.

"oh dear god this notion that anyone camp are belittled more/less than other is nonsense" - oh dear lord I can;t beleive I'm going to say this but I agree with scottishmummy.

When I was WOHM I noticed all the WOHM bashing (and there seemed to be lots of it) now I am a SAHM I notice the SAHM bashing .

Nothing changed except my perspective.

People will always feel the need to defend their own personal choices/decisions and the best form of defence is attack.

Don't sweat about it.

Yep. Not enough vacancies for those who want to work, never mind those of us who are happy to be SAHMs.

Enjoy your nocturnal bean flicking, Xenia.

is that code,what does that mean
nocturnal bean flicking?what as opposed to daytime or autumnal bean flicking

yes really! rather over descriptive bean flicking reference there

I will only be orgasmic when they throw their husbands a T towel, say right sunny Jim now it's my turn and go off to sit on the board of BP etc. or seek to earn double what their men do rather than earn pin money.

I can't think of anything worse tbh.

I read the thread, but only put one comment. I sniggered at a lot of it to be honest. Everyone and their mother has an opinion, the world would be a boring place if they didn't.

I'm not a SAHM, I have 1 preschooler (and trying for another) and work part time/run a business as well but I would love to be a SAHM.

Something that always creeps into my head as an adult is that I remember my mum always worked full time when I was a kid, I had 3 older sisters who walked me home from school and I remember my mum getting home from work at 6.pm harassed and running round like a blue arse fly trying to get dinner on, organised etc. etc. Then when I was about 8 she got made redundant and spent six weeks at home before finding another job. I LOVED those six weeks, I remember dreading her going back to work. Just her being there when I got home from school to greet me, little sandwiches on the table with biscuits on the side and just to be able to talk to my mum and have her there when I got home from school. She also came down the school to do voluntary work for a few weeks, helping out with arts and crafts and I remember feeling really proud of my mum because she always wore make-up and nice dresses haha! I can't explain it. I just remember that being one of the best six weeks of my school life! I was gutted when she went back to work. I've only recently told my mum this (i'm 38 now) and she said she felt really sad but obviously she just couldn't afford not to work.

I know what you mean kblu, I grew up poor and both my parents had to work full time. I used to collect my little brother on the way home from school and we would be home for 1/2 an hour until my older siblings got in and then another hour or so after that Mum would be home (Dad ran the station so we didn't see him most weeks, just on special weekends and school holidays when we went 'home').

I am not complaining I had a great childhood, but I do wish I could have seen more of my Mum after school.

It is one of the reasons when DH and I were talking marriage I said that I wanted to be a SAHM for our kids. I like making him a sandwich and having a chat when we get in, its nice.

OK - fine to feel fucked off about what you perceive to be an anti SAHM trend.

But why does that then lead to SAHMs slagging off FT working mums and accusing them of jealousy?

Hypocrisy and irony and downright ugliness anyone?

Those who give a rat's arse what people think of their choices are frankly nutjobs.

It is nice Morloth and it's great that you want to do it and can do it.

But the problem arises when some people, especially women, turn it into an imperative. That without said sandwich with Mum, a child would be sad and lonely and neglected. Which is obviously bloody daft.

It is also hugely hypocritical, because these people so keen to criticise working parents and beat their breast for the children are perfectly happy to go and see a nurde, vet, doctor who is in most liklihood a working parent. They expect their DC's teachers to have their own childrne in child care.

I always say in these debates that although I am lucky enough to be able to work from home flexibly around my ownDC, I am grateful everyday for the workig parents out there who improve my life.

nurde

What proudnscary said. There really is an endless stream of people prepared to have a pop at complete strangers on this issue, isn't there? And every thread is exactly the same. In real life no one says this stuff. I'm not convinced many people even think it - it is an example of the MN parallel universe, where giving a child a fruitshoot has a moral value.

"But the problem arises when some people, especially women, turn it into an imperative"

What, you mean in exactly the same way posters such as Scottishmummy and Xenia do from the other side?

SoupDragon maybe that's because working to feed your children when no-one else will IS an imperative.

I have read most of the thread and the funniest heartrendingly sad thing I have ever read is

''I pay good money for someone to write a diary of what my kids did between 8-6 ...mon to fri''

That might not be the exact quote but as near as ......................

I really feel for those kids whoever they are and to the person who wrote it........''are your children a fashion item ''

Dear OP I would love to be able to stay at home and look after my children, but it is just not possible for us, so if anything I think there is a bit of envy around for mums who can.
One size doesn't fit all, you do what it's best for your family, and try not to worry what others will think or say.
What gets to me is: women bashing women on the head on this subject, Would men do this to each other, if situation was reversed?
I don't thinks so.
So much for sisterhood.