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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be totally fucked off with the antisahm comments on here?

987 replies

slackers · 23/09/2011 19:25

Wtaf are you only a good role model to your DC if you are in paid employment?
Why does someone only be valid in society if they earn?
Why should I work only to pay someone else do a job to look after my DC? wtaf is the logic in that?
ffs

Angry
OP posts:
scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 23:01

not funny at all i get an account of what done,activities,reactions
regular meets to look at folders compiled and photos they take

pink4ever · 23/09/2011 23:01

Ps scottishmummy are you missing the news of the world-and how is your friend tommy doing?Wink Night night.

Pagwatch · 23/09/2011 23:02

I can't concentrate on the discussion as scottishmummy is posting searing precise, inarticulate and ironic and is not posting in scotlish.
It's all confusing

scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 23:03

oh kettle black youve effed and blineded and all butt the fuck out
and now its oh widddle widdle oh youre mean
well you have a potty mouth and are crabbit and yes it is funny

working9while5 · 23/09/2011 23:04

That doesn't answer the question, sm.
The EYFS folder details activities/reactions/developments, indeed. Photos. It's fine, as I said, worth a once-over.. all of us with kids in nursery should have one. Are you implying that are no moments that you personally share with your children, at any time of the day or on any day of the week, that you would call precious or experience as being more precious than a review of the EYFS folder?

Pagwatch · 23/09/2011 23:04

Oh that's better.

Honeydragon · 23/09/2011 23:04

Babyheave Grin

scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 23:05

what on earth answer are yiu trying to extract?what protracted obtuse point are you straining to make

pink4ever · 23/09/2011 23:06

scottishmummy the target of my vitriol was xenia. Not because she is a wohm but because I think she is a twat who doesnt really like other women from what I read on here. If you are happy with your choices then that is excellent. I personally would not be happy reading about things my kids have done in a nursery log rather than experience it first hand. Thats my choice.

scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 23:08

i pay good money for someone else to tell me how dc have been from 8-6 mon-fri.in a diary form.

working9while5 · 23/09/2011 23:11

It's really neither protracted or obtuse, and I am sitting quite comfortably, thanks. It's interesting that you refuse to answer this directly, because I think you know fine well what I'm getting at. Most of us have an emotional response to the time we spend with our kids, and most of us are lucky enough to have positive emotional responses. This applies whether or not we work, regardless of how much we work etc. The "precious moments mama" rhetoric belittles people's emotional responses to being with their kids just as much as all that stuff you scorn: "why have kids if you're not going to be ther e", "I wanted to raise my children myself", "oh those poor abandoned latchkey children" etc. It's pretty horrible, on many levels, because it seems to imply that having some sort of emotional response to being with your kids is a bit naff and useless and only a twit would enjoy interactions with a toddler.

pink4ever · 23/09/2011 23:12

Good for you scottishmummy if you think you are getting value for money there. Again that is your choice to make. But again for me I would not be happy for my dcs to be away from me for that amount of time every day. My youngest goes to bed at 7pm so basically I would get 1 hour a day with them? Horses for courses and all that-but nope thats not for me.

Morloth · 23/09/2011 23:12

Both my DSs have been very considerate of their father's long hours and saved their 'firsts' for when he is around.

If they are doing something particularly cute I either video it or take a photo, which is I assume what nursery staff do for parents.

DH doesn't appear too concerned about missing 'precious moments' so I don't understand why anyone thinks a WOHM should fret about it.

Fillybuster · 23/09/2011 23:14

Oh dear :( I've got it all wrong. I think I'd like to be a sahm whose dcs aren't actually home all day.

I can live without experiencing every one of little thug darling dc3s 'precious moments'.

My grand plan is to have dcs 1 & 2 in school full time, and dc3 in nursery at least 3 days a week, and then, but only then, become a sahm.

I'm being completely serious, btw.

SarahStratton · 23/09/2011 23:14

Good for you. That works for you and is your choice. Others chose to experience that first hand. That is their choice and one they are entitled to make.

Why can't you grasp the concept of personal choice, or that there are other, equally valid, ways of living one's life?

NYCorLondon · 23/09/2011 23:14

People make individual choices for all sorts of reasons, that's fair enough and YANBU to be upset about personal lifestyle comments, but I still wonder where are the dads? Why are the mums the ones who need to be defined by whether they WOH or SAH? If this isn't a feminist issue, then why is it that the mums who stay home or go part-time far outweigh the dads? I'm all for the idea of a parent being at home but the gender imbalance bothers me - something's not right there

Maryz · 23/09/2011 23:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pink4ever · 23/09/2011 23:15

I dont think wohm should fret about missing those moments. But neither should they belittle the fact that some of us dont want to miss them or want to experience them first hand and not from a re-telling from nursery/childminder/granny.

scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 23:15

who are you trying to convince pink no one is compelling you to use ft nursery
obviously we are extremely happy with our parental choices

working9while5 · 23/09/2011 23:16

My dh really wishes he could be around a lot more, I think it's a falsehood to suggest that men don't find time with their kids precious too, or that somehow viewing time with your kids as precious is some sort of half-brained antifeminist codswallop. You can still choose to go to work, and choose to go to work because you enjoy it and that's what you would prefer to do with your day, and say that moments with your kids are precious.

working9while5 · 23/09/2011 23:18

I guess I should have qualified that: some moments are precious Grin.

TandB · 23/09/2011 23:18

What a lot of vitriol on this thread.

I sometimes wonder if some people really want to think of downtrodden SAHMs secretly miserable with their status, or sad little waifs with no attachment to their selfish WOHM.

Personally I prefer to think that most people achieve some balance and some contentment. I don't really get the glee in imagining sad, neglected children pining for their parents.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/09/2011 23:20

At the point where I had ds3, I would have been paying all but £2 of my take home pay to the nursery. To be honest, this wouldn't have got any better once they went to school, as my hours meant they would have needed before and after school club, and that was viciously expensive.

Dh and I had always planned family finances on the basis of his salary alone - mine was added extras, not counted into the basics - so we knew I could stop work and the family finances would work - so I did.

I know it was the best decision for me and my dses. As it turns out, I was battling depression at that point, and things have got worse as I've got older - and I doubt I'd be employable now.

I have done things to contribute to the community - PTA, playschool committee, scouts committee, school governors, treasurer for an art club, residents association secretary. I was, and am also able to attend all the daytime stuff at the school without loads of hassle or having to take holiday. I don't envy WOHMs that stress. At the moment, I am concentrating on my recovery from depression (or at least, reaching a point where my mood is stable and reasonably peaceful, with occasional happiness).

On a practical point - where the hell are all these jobs that all the SAHMs are supposed to waltz into? Correct me if I am wrong, but I thought we had far more people seeking work than vacancies, at the moment (and that's without factoring in all the SAHMs who are happy to be so, and are not seeking jobs). I must have missed the news item about the creation of millions of jobs, and the dearth of candidates applying for said jobs. Hmm

I think that most of us do what is right for our families and ourselves - but because we are not all identical, what is right for me and my family could be dead wrong for you and yours. I do hate all the comments that seek to portray one choice as superior to the other (like Xenia's remark earlier, or comments about WOHMs missing precious moments/why have babies and have others care for them).

scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 23:20

oh less handwringing and chin stroking
its not viriol,its what mn does.slugs it out on sahm/wohm

Fillybuster · 23/09/2011 23:21

Sorry, I don't get this 'moment' thing.

I get the overall idea of having loads of time to build a relationship thats based on being chilled around each other; of being the one to be on the receiving end of the delighted grin every day after school at collection time; of being able to go to the park because its sunny in November or have a picnic dinner in the garden because its lovely in May; of making cakes/biscuits/playdough somethings all morning....I get all of that.

But 'moments'?? Hmm

Is that like the moments when I go to the loo and DC3 scream and hollers herself sick until I come out?

Or when I get her up from her nap and she's done a leaky poo for the 4th time that day?

Or when DC1 has a enormous temper tantrum for no apparent reason?

Or DC2 gets massively whingy at 4pm and you just know its going to be a long afternoon?

Sorry, but I think 'moments' is one of those emotive words (like 'parasite') that should be banned in any sensible wohm/sahm discussion....