to be totally fucked off with the antisahm comments on here?

[slackers]

Wtaf are you only a good role model to your DC if you are in paid employment?
Why does someone only be valid in society if they earn?
Why should I work only to pay someone else do a job to look after my DC? wtaf is the logic in that?
ffs

I accept that circumstances are different, I think for most people in normal jobs ( I am a teacher so I am by no means wealthy) being a SAHM is a luxury. I suppose it must be different if you have a job that can be considered a hobby. As I said I love my job however it is tiring and stressful. Dp has no stress and little to make him tired. If he is tired he just stops whereas I have to just keep going. It is certainly preferable to us both being tired and stressed however there are times when I feel like the sacrificial lamb so that the rest of my family can be happy and stress free. Not all the time but there are definite points when I feel this way.

I accept that I may be struggling to see beyond my own experiences.

I don't think that dp is lazy or that SAHMs are lazy but it is largely stress free.

I just can't get worked up about it. I'm a SAHM, in fact have never had a full time paid job, and both DC are at school. It works for us and our circumstances. And I'm rather fond of Philip Schofield. He's like my daytime husband.

We'll have to agree to disagree... I think it can be stressful, equally some jobs are stressful! I certainly get stressed.

But then, I'm at a point where I feel I've done my time and want to focus on my career, me me me! Unless we win the lotto, in which case we'll both retire and hire in help and be proudly lazy.

I think it can be stressful with a toddler but we have one ten year dd who is generally well behaved. There is little stress there. I was a SAHM for five years and aside from periods like teething there was little stress and that was when I was dealing with illness and a lack of money. Now we are all healthy and there are no real money worries.

So I guess for some SAHP there is stress but certainly not for my dp.

Just don't read it. In the style of PissFarter extraordinaire, only pissfart about on chat and the happy places on MN....problemo solvedo.

Riv, I'd give you a job in a heartbeat...

True twinklytroll illness and lack of cash ARE stressful. My 7 year old is easy, my 3 year old is a whirlwind who requires a lot of structure to the day, he's not got SN or anything, but he's certainly a different beast to his elder brother. Anyhoo.... he starts school next year, then its my time to work, unless said lotto win makes an appearance. I think for me, this is a temporary arrangement (8 years worth!) and knowing other women who've been out of work for as long as me but who have started again and now have great careers, I don't worry too much about my professional future, there is one if I want it.

DH's job on the other hand is pretty much stressfree, it changes daily and is either fairly dull or exciting... I do envy his career, as he adores it and can earn a fantastic daily rate, he also gets to spend a lot of time at home... ideal! I only envy him because its not a job I could do, or am qualified for nor ever will be, so its a pleasant envy! We're not cash rich, but in fairness, I've nothing to moan about, our kids have had a lot more time from both of us than many families... swings and roundabouts!

.. ah go get a job ;)

Jesus. Is this still rattling on....

I think I was as good a mother when I worked f/t as when I SAH. I was the same person after all. BUT I feel more distanced from competitiveness since SAH and appreciative of more simple things and relationships. I think quantity of time is important too . Most my friends who work work p/t. I only know one who works all hours and also has a babysitter weekends, she does barely see her kids. BUT her life, her kids, her choice. She wouldn't be able to cope at home (she admits this freely) I certainly don't think she should SAH just because I think it is a good thing for those who can/want to. I have seen some kids upset that they had to go after school clubs, some used to ask to come to my house! But equally I am sure some kids love it. I have seen at school daytime events kids upset that their parents are not there. Again, not all those had working mums so it isn't about just that. The teacher just said some were busy or at work but they still looked upset.

My own mother SAH (well she did have a saturday job) until we were about 10 and then worked p/t then f/t. She says she regrets going f/t when we were teenagers as we were left alone alot at night as they did shifts. We did get up to no good at times! But we don't resent it as we really did need the money. It was with the high interest rates etc. of the time. She is always saying I am doing the right thing by SAH! (She never criticised me for when I worked though).

I find being a SAHM stressfree, it is one of the reasons I do it.

My being a SAHM also makes DH's life less stressful, because our children are just that our children, they are as much his responsibility as mine. He would need to sort out childcare and cook their dinner and attend to their day to day needs if I was not here or if I worked full time.

One of the many assumptions on these threads is that the working partner in the equation either didn't want children or views them as totally the SAHP's responsibility and idea. That just simply isn't true in our case. DH desperately wanted both our children and is an awesome father, he is also very driven and really wanted a career. We found each other, what we wanted and needed clicked together perfectly.

He does work a long day, but comes home to a family who loves him and who appreciate his efforts.

It can all get a bit 'Hallmarky' here sometimes, but I actually view that as a good thing. We have made something wonderful together, it may not last, it could be broken, but it is still wonderful and is strong, so will not break easily I believe.

Hmmm... this is all rather predictable, isn't it? Women at each others' throats for something so unnecessary. Stay at home/work outside the home... does it really matter? Really?

Do you now what? I reckon it would be possible to count on one hand the number of stay-at-home-dads and working-outside-the-home-dads who would entertain the idea of this silly catfight. Really pathetic.

Who honestly cares what anybody thinks of anybody else's mode of bringing up their children? Does it really affect your life in any way at all? I'm super-glad we don't live in a 'matriarchy'... it would be horrific, truly.

I agree morloth even though my job has moments of stress it is less stressful because dp works fewer hours. If I am too tired to cook I can come home to a home cooked meal and a hot bath with a glass of wine. When my work piles up dp will also help out, whether it is tidying my classroom, locating resources, making a spreadsheet or laminating. I am not permanently seething with envy at him there are just moments when I think that I have got the poor deal. He recognises that but it is more sensible for me to work as I have the pension and greater job security. I am also more driven career wise.

I certainly do not see dd as his sole responsibility ( that would be ridiculous as she is not his) and during the school holidays we do swap roles.

According to the book I'm reading, if you're a WOHM, chances are you're still doing the vast majority of the household management on top of your paid job. Even if you share the actual tasks or outsource, chances are it's still you who is responsible for making sure everything gets done when it's needed. At the same time, we are encouraged to think that housework is 'trivial' and that it's a bit sad to care much about it.

With this in mind, I think what might be going on is this: Some WOHMs find it easier to carry on pretending all the extra household stuff really is trivial or not real work than to face up to the inequality in their relationship. Having convinced themselves of this, they find it hard to see what their SAHM sisters do all day. Meanwhile, the SAHMs are also bombarded with messages about the triviality and general worthlessness of what they do so they become defensive and pick holes in the WOHM lifestyle.

I wonder if we'd all get on better if we generally placed much more value on all those hours of unpaid physical, mental and emotional toil ...

sorry, meant to link to the book

The other thread which prompted this one was about being a SAHM when your children are at school full time, unless there are special circumstances there is little stress there.

"My dd's teacher - who is fab - has much more influence over her than me at the mo. And that wouldn't be any different if I stayed home for the 5 years before hand or not."

Portofino - if you are happy with your DD's teacher being the major adult influence in her life right now, that is of course your prerogative. But please do not think that all 7 year olds are more in sway to their teachers than to their mothers or fathers and that school is the most influential factor in their lives.

This thread appears to just be another opportunity for some posters to illustrate how FABULOUSO their lives are. I don't think some of them even give a stuff about the subject.

I'd add to that Flossie by saying that there are some posters here who:

a) Actively think of and post about things that will push 'buttons' and enjoy the 'fallout'.
b) Use MN as a captive audience for them to brag and exaggerate.
c) Lie; frequently and stupidly, to make up for what they don't have.

All very sad and pathetic.

It's all so tiresome. And no, I don't know why I've spent time reading it before anybody asks!

Plenty
Great name !
Most of the WOHM/P I know share the housework /school drop offs/pick ups and in the case of DH and I did 50/50 childcare when Dcs were little .We didnt use childcare at all. I realise that lots of DH/DP jobs make this impossible though .
He did all organising of Brownies/swimming etc and I did all present buying .
Am always a bit when generalisations about WOHM/SAHM are made.
Have been both and enjoyed both .