to be totally fucked off with the antisahm comments on here?

[slackers]

Wtaf are you only a good role model to your DC if you are in paid employment?
Why does someone only be valid in society if they earn?
Why should I work only to pay someone else do a job to look after my DC? wtaf is the logic in that?
ffs

You did'nt answer the question......or are you saying whoever wrote the diary post their children are better off away from them?

children can be fine in nursery and fine out of it, as long as they get love and care and attention they will thrive in both!

From my experience of MN I've always got the impression that most posters are SAHP, and it's definitely not negative about them. Just my two pennorth.

The point is - how can anyone possibly know? We don't know the ins and outs of people's lives.

If the children are happy and the parents are happy, whatever the circumstances (ie. SAHM, WOHM etc) then surely it is the right choice?

What works for you may not work or others.

Yes, reading about your child's life is good parenting.

Blimey I have got it all wrong then..........................

Sorry, in reply to iliketherain

Also nursery is not the only option. Our DDs have always had a mixture of childminder, pre-school/school and grannies/SIL looking after them. I think it makes them more secure to be looked after by others, as long as the care is good and they know you go away and come back again consistently.

I'm a SAHM with an au-pair.Some posters on here know my circumstances,for those who don't,I have a child with SN and a blood clotting disorder.This means that one parent will always have to be at home until my DC can consent to medical treatment for herself.
I have an au-pair as I never know when a hospital dash would be needed and I have 3 other DC.I have been judged and called a Yummy Mummy but mainly by those who do not know about my life.

Isn't it a variety that kind of adds to our communities. I've been a SAHM, now a WOHM but can fit it around the school hours apart from the school holidays when the kids do have to amuse themselves for a bit somedays, not the end of the world it seems.

However, its the SAHM who can volunteer to go into school and do extra reading, art projects etc with the children. If we all worked during school hours where would those volunteers be?

It needs to be what suits you as an individual and just because something suits your family needs at the moment it may be that in a couple of years time circumstances change and different priorities are needed.

And I don't think its worth getting het up about things on an internet forum, wander off and look at style and beauty of the politics threads.

ok so instead of taking the little fella swimming this morning then out for lunch then back for some cooking time and then a cinema trip .....I would be better paying someone else to do that and then read about it later.

DO NOT TALK SUCH CRAP.

I'm out of here.

Are you struggling to understand what I am saying?

People have complicated lives and make choices according to their circumstances. There are 100 different circumstances under which it would be better for a child to be at nursery in the context of their home life.

Is that a really challenging thing to grasp?

Or is it because it is not the way your life is set up and not what you would chose that you lack the imagination to see how someone would chose differently?

Bye.

For what its worth my eldest DC went to creche and there is honestly no difference developmentally between her and the DC I am a SAHM for.

iliketherain "Blimey I have got it all wrong then"

Sounds like it.

Door, arse, etc.

My mum was a SAHM. I respect her choice and when she was a SAHM (20-30) years ago things were slightly different from the world we currently live in and I genuinely feel she did it from the best of motivations. BUT (and it's a big but) I think she would have been happier and more rounded and less critical of me and sibs if she had had a focus beyond us (not necessarily paid employment). I have always WOHM but on a part time basis and sometimes doing shift work so I can be around for my DC's but that is mainly driven by lack of affordable and available childcare. I need a life beyond my DC's (despite loving them dearly) both mentally and economically. That doesn't make me selfish it makes me ME.

However, its the SAHM who can volunteer to go into school and do extra reading, art projects etc with the children. If we all worked during school hours where would those volunteers be?

I generally agree but you can be involved with the school and not be a SAHM. Until recently (now I'm a mixture of WAHM and outside the home) I was the main breadwinner in the family and a commercial lawyer working 4 days a week. During that time I've been (and still am) a trustee of the PTFA and have organised events on my own and helped with practically every single event. DH works full time and is a governor. Yep, we're annoying busybodies :)

Not saying by any means that everyone can or should do this, but quite a lot of SAHPs are not very involved with the school and quite a lot of working parents are.

I don't think that the women who are most secure are the ones likely to show the vitriol, I think it is those women who are the most certain who are likely to attack others.

I believe that the best situation for dd would be for her to have a parent at home full time, it would also be the best decision for our family. We can't afford that and therefore we have reached a compromise and I have to focus on my career so that dp can work part time from home. This means he can drop dd off at school, he can pick her up, attend school events and take her to clubs or visit friend etc. There is never any stress if she is ill or has an INSET day. Although I recognise this is probably the best we can do for dd it still makes me feel as if I am failing to be the best parent I can be. I would desperately love to be a SAHM and I do struggle with feelings of envy at the amount of time that dd has with dp. I will never be able to go to an event that is in school hours, I often have to say "Not now" to dd in the evening as I have work to do. I have much more pressure in my life compared to dp who seems to float through life free from any stress and worry. I know that I would be happier at home but it is just not a choice that is open to me.

I love my school holidays and know that I am a much better parent as I can focus purely on my family, I can be the parent I always wanted to be. DD is so much happier around me in the holidays.

I would never attack the decision of a SAHM precisely because I am insecure in my own decisions and they have the life that I want. The only thing I do struggle to understand is a family set up in which one person has the pressure of earning the money while the other has the luxury of staying at home. From reading the other thread I can see that many of the women say that their husbands love their work and it is a choice they have made willingly. I do love my job when I am there but that does not stop me sometimes looking at dp's rather fantastic life and the stress it places on me to maintain that. I am not sure how I would feel if I then had to work even harder to support him being at home full time and I am not sure our relationship could take that divide. As it is we struggle to have much time together in the week because of the hours I work.

DH is a workaholic, he was a workaholic when we met and all through our dating and early marriage and since having children, I expect he will find something to work on when he retires (if he retires).

There is no pressure on him to solely provide and if he ever does feel that pressure I am confident he will tell me and we will work out something else. Because as I have said, we are a unit and work out the best way for our family.

Twinklytroll, everyone's circumstances are different. I lost my job when pregnant. It made sense to stay at home. DH's hobby is his job and he earns enough for us to survive (we're by no means well off).

I see DH's career as his luxury whilst I'm stuck at home sometimes. I'm happy in my upaid work, DH is happy in his. The luxuries and sacrifices are different depending on circumstance. DH doesn't see him working as pressure, he actually sees me staying at home as pressure.

Unless you're wealthy, SAH isn't a luxury but a cost saving sacrifice. A choice between working to pay a childminder or cutting out the middle man and being the childminder yourself. Especially for two parent households who earn just over the amount for help, but just under the amount for luxury.

I recently got offered a job, and turned it down, even though I'm actually looking for work, would like to work etc., because it would COST me financially, and would cost my time. Its frustrating. Next year will be different as both boys will be at school so at least childcare will be less.

I am not complaining, I would have chosen to SAH regardless. But it was also the most sensible choice as a family, even though it was pretty disasterous from a 'decent job' for me. I'll re-train, start over, there's time.

Have to add, that when he got run over (pre-kids) and I had just graduated and was wondering where to go next, instead of following my career path I got a job within 24hrs to support us. We're not all lazy Jeremy Kyle watching idle twats. I take my job seriously. Paid or unpaid.

Jolly good, see this thread is now following the correct the correct ratio of 90%, people should do what's right and groovy for their family and situation, and the 10% MY WAY IS THE ONLY RIGHT WAY AND I WILL PROVE IT THROUGH THE POWER OF RUDENESS AND OBNOXIOUSNESS RAAAAAR!!!!!!!! Drowning out the normal people everyone else. Excellent!

Another excellent & intelligent discussion then?

Yes Honeydragon. So true.