To wonder why anyone with school-aged children would want to be a SAHM?

[Badtasteflump]

And what they do all day?

I have my flame-proof hard-hat ready

In the spirit of the general shit-stirring on here today I though I would ask this - as I do really wonder. Fair enough when you have pre-school aged children, I can understand wanting to be a SAHM. But once your children are at school full-time, what is there to do all day?

I work PT (school hours, basically). I manage (jointly with DH) to get all the housework, cooking, diy, etc) done in the evenings & weekends, no problem. If I were at home all day I really think I would go a bit mad - either that or I fear I would gradually become relegated to the role of house-slave, doing all the housework and childcare myself because I wouldn't have the excuse of a 'proper' job. . .

Sounds like it is RedHotPokers.

OP, you've got a job that is within school hours. Do you know just how many jobs do not fit in school hours and therefore involve seeking childcare, kissing your kids goodnight before going off on the nightshift (been there, done that), struggling really badly in the school holidays when school 'childcare' falls off.

I work a bit but not much as I have a severely disabled child and the career I trained for was completely compatible with life as a carer

Exactly Pag.

All the husbands of SAHM I know absolutely would not want it any other way.
Most work long hours in high stress jobs and their wives are very much appreciated, in fact, far from being slaves, most of us are put on a pedastal!

Hmmm. Wouldn't want a pedestal.

We are just a team. This arrangement suits our family the best. It won't suit all but it suits all of us.

Ah you see, I am rubish at domestic things and outsource everything except cooking.

Mind- know what I am doing this week?

Apart from bottoming the house and staying in waiting for a glazier not inclined to show up - bad toy-meets-window experience yesterday!

I am elarning to do a complex routine for the carnival float I perform on, and I need to know it by Saturday and haven't a rat's chance. But that's not boring. Last week I went down in t6he school day and gelled some stuff with Lee filters. Great fun.

wordfactory you sound like my DH! Very good advice. Am on fourth draft of a novel I've been working on for two years and it's kicking my ass at the moment - think that's where my slightly crazed thinking comes from.

RedHotPokers I do write when children are in school. And at the weekend. And sometimes all night. DH doesn't HAVE to work very long hours - he chooses to, because that's what he likes doing. His interest is his work (he is creative profession too). He doesn't 'give me a break' on the weekend - he wants to see DS because he hasn't seen him all week, and he loves him and likes spending time with him - he doesn't see it as doing me a favour, he looks forward to that one-to-one time with him and DS.

Not angry at all, in fact very happy. But try as I might I cannot reconcile myself with the idea that a feminist feels she should not contribute in some way and being a SAHM is definitely not contributing. Forget all the bollocks about a housewife being worth £50K P.A. - this is just DM propaganda, the fact is that if you choose to be a SAHM with your children in school you are a lazy arse, or perhaps unemployable. Most people manage to find time to push the hoover around and do the laundry without calling it a full time job.

You're lucky if you can get away with it, but please don't try and kid anyone you're being anything but lazy.

Definitely not angry

Society has changed in the last 20 yrs in that SAHMs are now the minority and as such, are made to feel somewhat guilty about it.

I have been a SAHM since the birth of my daughter 9 yrs ago and whilst I have been running the household (not really shared with DH as his job is non-stop high level stress) I have also done a lot of voluntary work that people working don't have time to do.

I read somewhere a few yrs back that if women didn't volunteer as they do in the UK, the whole country's economy would be up poo creek.

I am currently waiting until my children are old enough for me to go back to studying to start a completely new career, related to the volunteering work I've been doing and whilst I often think my brain has gone a bit dippy, I don't feel guilty for being a SAHM whilst my kids are little.

I work PT from home. I love being involved in the dds' lives and helping them with homeowrk etc. I do miss having collegues sometimes but not the nutty office politics and back stabbing. I know I'm lucky. I'm currently working on a way to convince DH that a cleaner is the way forward
Other people would probably look at our finances and say that they couldn't "afford" to only work PT in my shoes but it is a choice we made, less spending in favour of more time with the dds.
BTW it is very close to hometime so give it half an hour and I may well be back on crying about the lack of fulfilment in my life

because they want their brain to atrophy and start doing card making or selling jamie at home shit?

Oh, what do I do all day.

Well, that is the days it is not school holiday, INSET day or day with a sick child. (in my case the year has now almost halved already).

The answer is, I do everything in the house and regarding the children. I enjoy the children bit, the "house bit" is a bit of a chore but no job is 100% perfect.

I also:

• am a parent volunteer at DSs school (reading with the y1s which I love)
• I go riding in the countryside
• I do all the household stuff, so that all our evenings and weekends are (mainly) chore free.
• I do the garden
• I MN -too much-

To be fair, it is also about money. By taking on the kids and house, DH has been able to further his career to such a degree that if we'd both get a part time job and split everything half-half we would have less than half the money we have now. It is a lot more cost effective, if you look at us as a unit.

which we are.

Oh YY to D's of sahm

Dh used to work nights: me being here in the day meant we actually saw each other, Dad and Mum were the same with that one- he did nights for 20 years, still does PT.

DH's

oops

Finding jobs that fit into school hours/holidays is virtually impossible.

Tbh I'm not entirely sure why people judge - as long as they can afford it really whose business is it? If someone can do it, if their dh is happy to support it, then really it is nobody else's concern.

Sometimes I (a working non-parent) feel somewhat envious of people who are stay at home parents. And then I think of my friends in that position who have got divorced and am reminded that keeping financial independence after kids is a huge safety net.

I fear I might be turning into Xenia.

Oh gosh no, dh doesn't put me on a pedestal and I wouldn't want him to.

I am 100% sure that dh would be equally happy, if not happier if I was working.

Oh dear as soon as I saw the subject matter I knew there would be trouble. I'm a at SAHM and I do love it although I have my moments of doubt, and I put my hands up and admit to sometimes taking the piss and spending the odd day at the museums/art galleries or meeting friends but I also do all the house work, cooking, finances, shopping and other 'house' stuff as well as the fun stuff such as outings with kids, homework, ahem, and arts and crafts! I am also active in the PTA and belong to a book club. I am training for a charity event but once done I hope to take up some voluntary work. I guess I could go back to work but between myself and dh we know that the extra money would be minimal whilst the extra stress would be a killer so here I am messing about on mumsnet!

An LMAO at brain atrophy

Shall have my MA, done very PT from home, within 18 months now. Doing research on empathy disparity in people with ASD.

far less atrphying than for example the job where I read magazines all day in between putting people through to traffic planners (have had very demanding jobs as well mnid, but a few tedious brain destroying ones also)

Eurochick I agree re financial independence.

Dd isn't old enough for this to be an issue yet but we think I will stay home...and why the bloody hell not?! Why is life all about paid employment?!

lazy arse, atrophied brain, Jamie at home ?! (that last one is the most shocking insult).

We all have time to MN in the middle of the day, so we're not exactly in a position to judge eachother's work output now, are we?

My DP grumps and gets all passive-aggressive if I go out two nights in a row (leaving dinner on the table). When I tell him about girlfriends of mine who have taken jobs abroad / jobs with massive amounts of international travel that entail them being away all week, he rolls his eyes and tells me that he'll replace me instantly if I dare try . I know he needs me around (and not for the housework).

But that was always the deal - and I'm fine with it!

Kessaya

Thectrouble with what you say is that it makes sweeping assumptions about people? How do you know that I make no financial contribution? How do you know why my working might be challenging to our family dynamic?

You may not be angry but your post is spitting with uninformed judgements and actually quite sexist assumptions.