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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell a date to stuff it when he's nearly 2hrs late

84 replies

redjoker · 20/09/2011 12:08

I had a date with a guy last week and he was an hour late, it was the first date and he had a good excuse so i didnt worry too much. The date went really well and we arranged to meet again the following week (today).

We hardly spoke over the week (we spoke alot before the first date for about a month) but arranged for him to get here at 11..i txt him at half 11 and he hadnt even left yet!

no excuse, just a sorry, he "forgot what time we said" (even though we spoke about it yesterday and he suggested 11am) and now he has an hour drive here

am i being out of order? i cant help feeling infuriated by it (its my pet peeve) and honestly feel like telling him to push off! surely its likely to just get worse in the future

OP posts:
worraliberty · 20/09/2011 12:09

Yep I'd tell him to stuff it

He doesn't exactly sound keen does he?

ShirelyKnottage · 20/09/2011 12:10

YANBU.

Feeling irritated after two dates? Bin him.

minimisschief · 20/09/2011 12:10

Well if he cant make an effort to remember to see you then it doesnt really sound like he is that bothered about you.

yanbu

squeakytoy · 20/09/2011 12:11

Yup, tell him to stuff it.. if he was keen, he would not forget the time. He aint that into you I'm afraid.

neolara · 20/09/2011 12:11

Yes it would drive me absolutely bonkers too. I'd also tell him to get lost. Sorry.

alarkaspree · 20/09/2011 12:11

Of course you're not being unreasonable. He needs to learn some manners, you are doing him a favour.

Timeliness is very far from being my pet peeve but I would have drawn the line at about 20 minutes for the first date.

Bugsy2 · 20/09/2011 12:11

Unbelievably rude. I have to say I wouldn't still be sitting there. I'd have something else to do with my very precious time (even if that was just being at home enjoying my own company!).

AmberLeaf · 20/09/2011 12:13

Tell him to stuff it.

susiedaisy · 20/09/2011 12:13

at the very best his behaviour is really bad manners and rude, and at worst it indicates how he would treat the relationship in general if it developed, imo, i wouldnt bother meeting up for a third date tbh.

riverrock · 20/09/2011 12:13

Tell him to stuff it . If he is not bothered to put in much effort at this early stage in your relationship then what will he be like when the novelty wears off ?

Katisha · 20/09/2011 12:14

YANBU.
Let him go.

Original poster
redjoker · 20/09/2011 12:14

hes just text me saying he will be here for 1..hes already in the car, not quite sure what to do, im so pissed!!!

OP posts:
Katisha · 20/09/2011 12:15

Be out when he arrives.

Hardgoing · 20/09/2011 12:15

People who can't tell the time or don't want to prioritise your time don't change. My husband was occasionally late for dates (I mean 10-30 min) and it hasn't got much better. In his culture, though, being late and wandering in around two hours after you arrange is quite typical. Drives me crazy (and it is not his culture here so you are right to be pissed off).

Original poster
redjoker · 20/09/2011 12:15

im thinking get thru the second date (hes coming to my house for films etc as we are both poor) and no third date? im sensing its a sign of a bad future

OP posts:
Hardgoing · 20/09/2011 12:16

Ok, so it depends what you arranged. If he said 'I'll come over after I've finished this job, it will be late morning I would think' and then he turns up at 1 I might be more forgiving. If you set a time, it's not ok.

Depends what the pluses are and how flexible you left the arrangements.

smoggii · 20/09/2011 12:17

I give people 20 minutes. If they haven't contacted me by then with a good excuse why they are late then I leave.

I think being late shows a lack of respect for you and how you spend your time. He thinks that his time is more important than yours.

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 20/09/2011 12:18

Respect yourself and text him to tell him to not bother. You deserve better than a man who can't be bothered to remember the time you're supposed to meet.

Original poster
redjoker · 20/09/2011 12:18

not flexible, he said ill get to you for 11am, is that ok? i even got up early to shower and get ready etc.

OP posts:
PopcornMouse · 20/09/2011 12:18

YANBU. I second the suggestion of being out when he arrives. He will think he can continue to treat you like this, and it's only date 2 fgs.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 20/09/2011 12:21

Whats the name of that film.......He's not that much into you!

Tell him to forget it, he hardly sounds keen anyway!

Original poster
redjoker · 20/09/2011 12:21

Thanks guys, glad im not being mental and over reacting about this!

OP posts:
CatFlaps · 20/09/2011 12:23

I would be out when he comes! What a nob! I certainly wouldnt be letting him in my space if I were you!

kat2504 · 20/09/2011 12:24

Yeah you don't want to give him the idea that you have nothing better to do than spend two hours of your life that you can never get back waiting for him.

If he was really keen this wouldn't have happened, he would have got his act together.

LindyHemming · 20/09/2011 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.