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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell a date to stuff it when he's nearly 2hrs late

84 replies

redjoker · 20/09/2011 12:08

I had a date with a guy last week and he was an hour late, it was the first date and he had a good excuse so i didnt worry too much. The date went really well and we arranged to meet again the following week (today).

We hardly spoke over the week (we spoke alot before the first date for about a month) but arranged for him to get here at 11..i txt him at half 11 and he hadnt even left yet!

no excuse, just a sorry, he "forgot what time we said" (even though we spoke about it yesterday and he suggested 11am) and now he has an hour drive here

am i being out of order? i cant help feeling infuriated by it (its my pet peeve) and honestly feel like telling him to push off! surely its likely to just get worse in the future

OP posts:

Kendodd · 20/09/2011 14:09

Give him a chance.

I stood DH up on our first date (by accident) and had lost his phone number so couldn't even phone him to apologise. He called me to arrange a second date and I was late for that. I am rarely late but sometimes things just happen and you can't make it on time.

I think the worrying thing here is that he 'forgot about the time' if he was really looking forward to seeing you, he wouldn't have forgotten about the time.

BTW I have now been married to DH for 15 years and we have three DCs, thank goodness he was more forgiving than most of you lot

fanjobanjowanjo · 20/09/2011 14:13

Why is the date at 11am? Seems odd. Is he just after turning up at your house for a shag?

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 20/09/2011 14:13

"I can't believe the replies on here - women are always complaining how hard it is to find a good man, its hardly surprising if we're so uncompromising."

Sorry Vivi I have to disagree with you there. If more women stopped putting up with the crap treatment that some of them receive then maybe more men would start behaving better and with more respect.

mumsamilitant · 20/09/2011 14:15

This is probably what he's like, period. And if lateness annoys you (as it does me) its not going to get any better is it.

I'd dump him. When dating it was one strike and out with me in the end as whenever, against my better judgement I gave them a chance, same thing happened.

He should be on his best behavour at the mo.

aldiwhore · 20/09/2011 14:17

Give him a chance, tell him you don't liked been messed around and would like to see him again, tell him your pet hate is lateness but you do like him.... if he likes you it won't put him off. He may be an appaulling time keeper but a great man..... my husband is, I have learned to deal with it, all our clocks are set fast, if we need to be somewhere at x o'clock I tell him at time 45minutes earlier.

I HAVE to be exactly on time... and have been known to make DH drive round the block on the rare occassions we're early.

A great relationship is not about finding a perfect person, they don't exist. A long lasting relationship is as much about living with each other's faults as it is love. Sometimes you simply can't live with certain faults, sometimes you can.

Have a chat with him without being a patronising, demanding diva who comes across as so high maintainence he'll give up!

worldgonecrazy · 20/09/2011 14:19

I don't think OP is going to 'be out' for this one. It is rude, it ay be disrespectful, but it also might not be the end of the world.

My husband was perpetually late when we first met, so I just would give him a time 2 hours before I wanted him anywhere. (Yes 2 hours!) I'm a stickler for being exactly on time or 5 minutes early, so his time keeping drove me nuts. I just found a way to manage it because he had other redeeming qualities.

mumsamilitant · 20/09/2011 14:19

Aldi, I applaud your tolerance. She already gave him a chance, he was late for 1st date.

Ephiny · 20/09/2011 14:23

Sorry Vivi, didn't mean any offence to your DH and I'm sure he's lovely in other ways!

I guess it's for the OP to decide whether it's a deal-breaker for her personally, difficult for us to judge as we don't know what he's like overall. Also we don't know if this is someone who genuinely struggles with timekeeping etc, or just isn't bothered about her enough to make an effort.

fanjobanjowanjo · 20/09/2011 14:35

My hubby to be didn't turn up for a date at all once as he fell asleep. When I was told this I was all but gave him another chance.

When I got to know him it was clear he genuinely did fall asleep by accident!

ViviPru · 20/09/2011 14:36

Haha none taken.

I think the OP has let him in.... and is busy discovering his redeeming qualities....

vess · 20/09/2011 14:51

I wouldn't bin him if that was the only thing that was wrong.

nickelbabe · 20/09/2011 15:00

hhmm, I think she has goen through with the date.

mumsamilitant · 20/09/2011 15:03

Will have to see if he does it a third time then!

aldiwhore · 20/09/2011 15:03

My DH was late for our first date, second date, our wedding!!!! He's just incapable of being on time. He knows its a problem, and being self employed could be the difference between getting booked again or not at all. He has developed certain strategies to help him, but there's no cure.

It IS rude, but he isn't, if that makes sense.

Its not so much about tolerance mumsamilitant as if he didn't care I doubt we'd have got past date two, but he does. Also I have many flaws so it balances out alright

SwingingBetty · 20/09/2011 15:05

trust me he will be getting no "etc" especially after this!!

should hope not after one date with a man you arent that fussed about

SuePurblybilt · 20/09/2011 15:08

I am going to need a crash course in dating when I attempt to try it again. You have dates at 11am on a Tuesday morning? Is that because you work weekends (or similar) or is this a usual thing now?

I've have gone out, fwiw, but I am not very tolerant of lateness in any case.

mumsamilitant · 20/09/2011 15:12

Really pleased it works for you Aldi. It's just a right bug bear of mine

givemesomecandy · 20/09/2011 18:30

How did it go redjoker ?

TurkeyBurgerThing · 20/09/2011 18:47

Arrange to meet him. Don't turn up, then text him to say "soz lol omg u r dumped" The text talk will REALLY stick the knife in.

nickelbabe · 21/09/2011 11:21

she appears to have gone awol.
I know her in real life, and i've sent about 3 texts to her yesterday and just now, and I haven't heard from her at all.
It's very unusual for her not to answer her texts.

Yummygummybear · 21/09/2011 11:28

Seriously?!

Have you tried calling instead of texting?

nickelbabe · 21/09/2011 11:35

it's alright, as soon as i pressed post, she replied to my text.

she said she's okay and will fill me in later.

aldiwhore · 21/09/2011 13:45

Phew!!

aquashiv · 21/09/2011 13:50

Did he arrive?

nickelbabe · 21/09/2011 14:01

dunno1 she hasn't updated me yet.

don't you hate it when posters disappear without the conclusion?

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