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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell a date to stuff it when he's nearly 2hrs late

84 replies

redjoker · 20/09/2011 12:08

I had a date with a guy last week and he was an hour late, it was the first date and he had a good excuse so i didnt worry too much. The date went really well and we arranged to meet again the following week (today).

We hardly spoke over the week (we spoke alot before the first date for about a month) but arranged for him to get here at 11..i txt him at half 11 and he hadnt even left yet!

no excuse, just a sorry, he "forgot what time we said" (even though we spoke about it yesterday and he suggested 11am) and now he has an hour drive here

am i being out of order? i cant help feeling infuriated by it (its my pet peeve) and honestly feel like telling him to push off! surely its likely to just get worse in the future

OP posts:
Original poster
redjoker · 20/09/2011 12:26

ahh i know that by rights hes shouldnt even be allowed in my house after this rudeness, but he is in the car, and I cant help feeling totally rude by pretending im out

i think i have issues haha

OP posts:
Original poster
redjoker · 20/09/2011 12:28

trust me he will be getting no "etc" especially after this!!

OP posts:
Ephiny · 20/09/2011 12:28

Definitely shows lack of respect for you, doesn't sound like he's that keen really. Two hours late is just ridiculous, especially as it was because he hadn't bothered to leave on time not because he was stuck in traffic or some emergency came up. And it's not the first time this happened? Forget him.

squeakytoy · 20/09/2011 12:28

You dont need to pretend to be out. Get off the PC now and go out!!! Grin

mamalovebird · 20/09/2011 12:29

Bin him. If he's this slack at date no 2, imagine what he'd be like 6 months down the line or to live with.

Get rid, I wouldn't even bother with the second date. Too bad if he's on his way. It's his own fault.

Original poster
redjoker · 20/09/2011 12:42

Army men for you, you'd think they would know how to be on time!

OP posts:
TartyMcFarty · 20/09/2011 12:42

If you're asking 'should I tell him to stuff it' but you're going to ignore advice unanimously suggesting YANBU and going ahead with the date anyway, YABU. Stop behaving like a doormat. Why would you want such an ignorant twat in your house?

PorkChopSter · 20/09/2011 13:13

Stop being polite and tell him to leave it!

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 20/09/2011 13:15

Agree with TartyMcFarty you have to stop behaving like a doormat. If he's an army man then his time keeping should be excellent. I can't see the army being impressed if he turned up even 5 minutes late, let alone 2 hours.

Hullygully · 20/09/2011 13:18

bin

ViviPru · 20/09/2011 13:26

I have to disagree.

My DP was 3 hours late for our first date. I waited for him though. His timekeeping continued to be appalling, and I am an extremely punctual person.

That said, we've been together 8 years (on Saturday :) ) and his timekeeping still leaves a lot to be desired, but its one of his few faults and all of his great qualities more than make up for it.

nickelbabe · 20/09/2011 13:27

bloody idiot! (him not you! Grin )

I would be reluctant to still carry on with the date, personally, but I suppose if he's on his way over now, then there's not a lot you can do.

the first date when he was late, was he meeting you or coming round to your house?

That's no excuse, though - if someone did that to me, I would not entertain them again.
I hate lateness.

YANBU.
(not bad for a newbie - a consensus of yanbu)
(you will get a YABU if you see him again after today though...)

caughtinanet · 20/09/2011 13:30

Are you happy for him to be comimg to your home after knowing his for such a short time?

Please report back later so we know you're OK Grin

StuckUpTheFarawayTree · 20/09/2011 13:30

It all depends whether you'd be happy to continue like this. It sounds like you wouldn't.

I say get yourself out.

manticlimactic · 20/09/2011 13:33

An hour? You waited an hour for him? 15 mins max is my upper threshold!

I suppose it's ok if you are ok with it - but he'd have to have some BIG qualities for me to put up with it Wink

Ormirian · 20/09/2011 13:34

Nope, not at all!

ViviPru · 20/09/2011 13:44

I can't believe the replies on here - women are always complaining how hard it is to find a good man, its hardly surprising if we're so uncompromising.

Poor timekeeping can be disrespectful, but it doesn't mean that the poor timekeeper IS disrespectful.

I'm not going to go into it here, but it turned out there is a reason for my DPs incessant lateness. It was exacerbated by his mother regimenting him to within an inch of his life until he went to university, so that when he was left to his own devices, he had no idea how to schedule himself. There could be a parallel here to the strict army regime this guy is used to on a daily basis.

Give him a chance OP, he must have some good qualities that attracted you in the first place. By all means, if it turn out his timekeeping is the tip of a crappy bloke iceberg, get rid tout de suite. But it might not be!

chicletteeth · 20/09/2011 13:48

Being late is just a lack of respect for other people's time.
I had an exbf who did this to me, repeatedly until one time, I just went out after waiting 45 minutes and answered my phone in a very loud pub having a great time.
He never ever did it again.

chicletteeth · 20/09/2011 13:50

I disagree with above poster who are saying it's not disrespectful.

I'm sorry, but if somebody is perpetually late, they seriously need some kind of behavioural therapy to sort it (if it's that bad) or get a damn watch and just look at it every so often.

pigletmania · 20/09/2011 13:50

Yep he does not sound keen move on

nickelbabe · 20/09/2011 13:51

Vivi - i think being late is one thing - but the guy didn't even bother to say he was going to be late until she texted him - and even then he said "oh i forgot what time we said"
that's not just sloppy, that's disrespectful.

just sloppy would be a text to say "i can't remember what time we said, can you remind me?" or similar.

sausagesandmarmelade · 20/09/2011 13:52

Definitely finish with this and move on....

You deserve so much better!

Ephiny · 20/09/2011 13:58

It might seem a bit harsh, but no one is saying 'dump him' because he was 10 minutes late once - but repeatedly being at least an hour late for no reason (and only turning up at all when reminded with a text!) doesn't sound good to me. Would suggest to me that either they had a serious lack of respect for me, or are completely incapable of organising themselves and managing their time like a normal adult, either way doesn't sound like ideal partner material.

I'm not perfect at timekeeping myself, but don't think I've ever been 1-2 hours late to meet someone, and would always let them know if I was running a bit late.

Glad to hear things turned out well for you though ViviPru :)

UterusUterusGhali · 20/09/2011 14:05

We need an update OP!

I don't want to actually have to do some housework.

ViviPru · 20/09/2011 14:07

completely incapable of organising themselves and managing their time like a normal adult you've met my DP then, Epiphany?!

I think it depends what your priorities are.

I was prepared to accept the timekeeping issues, as it was far out-weighed by how fabulous my DP is. I could have sacked him off after that first date, but I'd never have discovered all his brilliant qualities.