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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they are lying

181 replies

Fairyloo · 20/09/2011 09:38

Just read article about being a busy working mum (on back of new SJP film) won't in article are saying that they haven't had a uninterruped phonecall for years? And not had full nights sleep for years nor a bath!

Now I'm busy and tired but still manage a bath a full night sleep and an uninterrupted phone call.

Do you? Or is it really that busy

OP posts:
GloriaVanderbilt · 21/09/2011 12:21

Oh I'm just fed up with this now.

LEAVE ME ALONE (and my bath)

NB this is what I say to my children when they get in the bath.
I don't 'allow' it. I protest massively.

They still TRY though. THAT is the point.

AbbyAbsinthe · 21/09/2011 13:25

But this is what I don't get, Gloria! Why are you 'protesting', when you are the PARENT and in charge? Remove them from the bathroom. Lock the door. Give them consequences if they try and come in. It may take a few tries, but if they get punished when they don't do as they're told, they'll stop doing it, no?

Ormirian · 21/09/2011 14:10

"It may take a few tries, but if they get punished when they don't do as they're told, they'll stop doing it, no?"

No. IME that doesn't always work with all children. Or at least not always after a 'few tries' - it might takes hundreds of tries. And that is the point, when you are already exhausted, overworked and stressed, that you tend to give in. Very naughty, inadequate parenting probably but that is what happens when the normal reasonable adults comes up against infuriatingly stubborn and determined child. The child much more determined than the adult.

I have 2 reasonable children and 1 utterly unreasonable one. He has worn me out. Utterly.

Lemonylemon · 21/09/2011 14:15

Single parent; work full-time; DS 14; DD 3. DD would love to have a shower with me every time I shower. If I'm on the loo, she will come upstairs and come into the bathroom. I won't lock the door because she might need the loo as well. Somehow she always needs the toilet when I'm in the bathroom. If I need to make a phone call when we arrive home, one of them will always try to interrupt. Full night's sleep? Don't think I've had one since before DD was born.

DD will grow out of the coming into my bed/bathroom etc. But I agree with Gloria - it's the trying that's trying!

Zoggsrus · 21/09/2011 14:45

Abby, and others
you're really not getting it
unless you have difficult children, you aren't qualified to judge
stop saying that it's parenting
Gloria's not coming back I bet, and I don't blame her

Stoirin · 21/09/2011 14:58

its both. Saying it has nothing to do with parenting is a cop out, of course it does. I also have two reasonable children and one unreasonable one, and that one takes a lot more work. Of course I could sit back and say I can't control him, but its my job to keep on trying. And staying firm, being consistent, it works.

Zoggsrus · 21/09/2011 15:07

so do you honestly think that people with difficult children just opt out and say I can't control them
you don't think that some might spend every single minute of their day, still trying?

Stoirin · 21/09/2011 15:19

a few. But very few children are actually uncontrollable. If you really can't do anything with their behaviour you should probably be looking for outside help.

But I think some of those people who claim never to get a minutes peace are just bad at organisation and time management more than anything.

Zoggsrus · 21/09/2011 15:40

well for the record, mine is very difficult, but if I really wanted a bath I could.
I could make a phone call, and I have slept through the night.

But I still maintain that some children just come out difficult, I swear I knew at 4 months old that my DS was going to be trouble, I knew he was stubborn.

And I will never stop trying to improve his behaviour and teach him, and explain, blah blah blah. But it's exhausting. And it's really hurtful and insulting to some people on this thread who are exhausted from trying, to suggest that it's because they are doing it wrong.

I agree that there are some people who whinge and whine and are just bad at organisation and time management and maybe a bit lazy, but that's a massive generalisation

anyway, off my soapbox now!

Stoirin · 21/09/2011 15:44

We're all doing something wrong, thats the nature of the job. But neither is it helpful to suggest that its all about the childs inherent personality and nothing to do with how you handle them. That simply is not the case. Ask supernanny!

porcamiseria · 21/09/2011 15:48

yanbu, its bollocks

motherhood is not that hard, people need to stop fucking moaning and get some perspective

Zoggsrus · 21/09/2011 15:53

i love supernanny.
but I love whatshername more. Tanya Byron

Obviously it's a combination of both Stoirin, all I'm trying to say is that some people try really hard with difficult children and it harsh to say its all their parenting

wordfactory · 21/09/2011 15:55

I have to say that whilst my DC were incrediblty easy in many ways...good eaters, well behaved etc etc...they were always dreadful sleepers. Absolutely dreadful.

I tried every trick, tactic and routine in the book. They still both woke persistentlt until they were about eight. So I can honestly say I didn't egt a good night's sleep for eight years.

AbbyAbsinthe · 21/09/2011 17:12

I'm not responsible for a poster getting the hump badly enough to not come back! Gloria has her opinion, and I have mine. It's not judging, it's discussing and offering opinions - isn't that the point of somewhere like Mumsnet? If nobody judged anybody else here, the place would be at a standstill...

AbbyAbsinthe · 21/09/2011 17:14

And I do realise that there are extenuating circumstances in peoples lives - but there is also an awful lot of martyrdom involved in motherhood sometimes.

GloriaVanderbilt · 21/09/2011 19:31

Oi! I had to do the school run you know! Smile Zoggs thankyou ever so much, you're a sweetie.

I didn't get the hump that badly. I just said what I was feeling hopefully with a mildly tongue in cheek overtone. But I didn't much care what people thought of my capital letters because I had got fed up with it being assumed that I was really having a great deal of trouble controlling my kids and that they were running amok in full on preparation for a life of rioting.

It's not quite like that...they're fine. They're just kids, they like to be with me Grin

I must just be really nice or something.
I'm not in trouble. YES it can be hard to get a moment. I thought we all understood that on here -why are folk SO defensive on this thread? Is it the working thing - the fear that people will think we can't cope with work and kids? I get that. I really do.

Please just bear in mind that some of us like to share the fact it's a little tricky sometimes, too...it isn't an attempt to diminish the capability of working women in the popular consciousness. It's just a mildly humorous moan.

Sorry if I annoyed or worried anyone, anyway.

thecaptaincrocfamily · 21/09/2011 22:10

I'm sorry but it seems that lack of sleep is a major issue for some on here and I would be curious about whether lots of these co-slept?
I don't agree that sleeping is good luck - it is teaching them to self settle and not letting demand feeding take over until toddlerhood imo. I meet so many parents who feel com-pelled to feed their toddler back to sleep (breast or bottle) instead of letting them learn to go to sleep without relying on those or dummies. Dummies fall out and child wakes up and can't find it - cue parent goes in to put it back in. Child fed through the night - cue its stomach rumbling at set times through the night - wakes up and needs feeding. I avoided this like the plague and it payed off. I did cc and it worked because I didn't leave it until they could get out of the cot or bed to come and wake me. Call me cruel but it makes my life more enjoyable as I sleep well. I may be smug Hmm but I have parented to achieve this result........it hasn't just occurred by accident !

MrsBlarney · 22/09/2011 07:24

Well if that's what it took to make your life more 'enjoyable' then I'd rather have sleepless nights thankyou very much.

I'm assuming you used CC well before a year?

worldgonecrazy · 22/09/2011 09:19

thecaptaincrocfamily Let's look at it from another perspective. I coslept, breastfed on demand and used dummy. We have never done CC and never would. My DD is a good sleeper and self settles because I believe children learn through imitation. To teach her to sleep I just went to sleep beside her - simples! Your talk about stomach rumbling is bollocks not based on anything other than your own supposition.

We have NEVER, EVER had tears at bedtime, nor any sleepless nights. Sometimes she will wake in the night for a drink, but then again, so do I.

I like my 8-9 hours sleep per night, and we also get to have a lie in at the weekends. Bliss and absolutely no cruelty involved anywhere.

MrsBlarney · 22/09/2011 09:44

I also coslept and breastfed/feed (currently weaning off at age 4)

The only reason my sleep is disturbed is that I am still sharing the bed, not that he doesn't sleep well...he normally does.

Just he is a wriggler! But he's slept pretty well from day one because like the PP I was always next to him and he took it for granted.

Ds1 was the same, left my bed when he started at school (during that first year) and sleeps really well.

Never done cc or sleep training of any sort.

AbbyAbsinthe · 22/09/2011 10:49

Ah you see, there is a massive difference right there - I didn't breastfeed, or co-sleep. Even now, my children have to be ill or scared to be allowed to sleep in my bed Grin

Zoggsrus · 22/09/2011 11:14

i just posted on a thread about worst and best things about parenting.
My best thing ever is to cuddle into DS when he is going to sleep. I stay there for much longer than I need to.

Every parent can come on and tell their own story, its just goes to show that every child and experience is different

Stoirin · 22/09/2011 12:39

I think the point is that if you have chosen to co-sleep (or whatever, its a general point) you can't really complain about it afterwards. Saying "OH poor me I haven't had a full nights sleep in years" and then saying its mainly because you have a wriggly child in your bed is like complaining about your hangover when you drank far too much.
Nobody cares if you choose to co-sleep or whatever, just don't complain about the effects in a martyrish "my life is so hard" way is all.

AbbyAbsinthe · 22/09/2011 12:44
MrsBlarney · 22/09/2011 12:50

But I'm not complaining.

It's easier for me to co sleep than get up however many times in the night. It's never going to be perfect.

I am not complaining though so please don't tell me I am being a martyr.

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