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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have ranted at my date this evening about his behaviour and to now be totally confused?

71 replies

carrottcruncher · 19/09/2011 09:53

or am i just insane?

Been talking to a man, last i heard from him was on wednesday when he said ' monday ( today, and the date we had arranged) was going to be awesome'

Didnt hear any more from him at all, so, because ive booked a babysitter, thought i had better check if it was still on ( he has been on the dating site).

I text him a ' hows your weekend been' type message sunday lunchtime.
No reply.
at 9:30pm, having had no reply for 9 hours, and wanting to cancel the babysitter if it wasnt needed anymore i text ' so, ive not heard from you and am presuming that tomorrow is cancelled?'
No reply.

This morning, being very fucked off and i dont usually do this, but ive had a stream of dates either not show or cancel at the last momment recently, i text ' you know, its a bit fucking rude to just cancel without saying so, especially when i organised a babysitter to see you' ( he has children too and we have clashing weekends...

so - firstly, aibu to send that?

secondly, he replied quite quickly that he was confused because he hadnt cancelled.

i said that i had sent him two texts and if he hadnt got them, i was sorry...

and ive heard nothing back at all.

I now have no clue whats going on and am wondering if i have become some kind of unhinged woman or something.

OP posts:
itisnearlysummer · 19/09/2011 09:55

Don't conduct your relationships via text?

Why didn't you phone and speak to him?

ChristinedePizan · 19/09/2011 09:55

He's married/in a long term relationship. He's otherwise occupied at the weekend. I wouldn't go

lubeybooby · 19/09/2011 09:56

He is lying, he did get them and is being flaky. Classic and very well known online dating behaviour.... YANBU to have ranted. I maybe wouldn't have sworn at him but you are still NBU.

Don't bother with him any further. Also possible he is married or otherwise attached as it was the weekend he suddenly started not replying.

elisadoeslittle · 19/09/2011 09:59

He only replied because you were angry in your first text, and he did'nt want to be the bad guy. So hes made out it was you who got the wrong end of the stick and the date wasnt cancelled.

But it is cancelled. I wouldnt go.

ObiWan · 19/09/2011 09:59

Well he's right, he didn't cancel.

You are to all intents and purposes a stranger to him, he had no reason to think a date set for Monday had been cancelled.

He was probably spending the weekend with his children, or on another date ( I assume you are both seeing other people).

I would think that you over reacted. You could have been more up front, and just said 'still on for Monday?Nneed to confirm babysitter'.

That would have inticated that an answer was required.

lynniep · 19/09/2011 10:00

he is most definately not someone to bother with. dont go, or call up a mate and go out with them instead.

lubeybooby · 19/09/2011 10:02

Obi she did text again with a question that needed answering. He was ignoring - it only takes two mins to reply. As I said this flakiness is an online dating typical behaviour. He got cold feet, and/or was otherwise engaged with his wife/girlfriend/other dates and ignored it.

kitya · 19/09/2011 10:03

I agree. Dont waste the babysitter. Go to the pub with a friend.

heleninahandcart · 19/09/2011 10:03

YANBU

This is the sort of behaviour that turns otherwise sane women into ranting ones.

Next!

weejimmykrankie · 19/09/2011 10:07

You're not insane and he is lying about "not knowing it was cancelled'. Ignore, delete and move on.

He was useless in not texting you back on Sunday to confirm. You might possibly have got a better response if you had not sent the "presuming it's cancelled" text and just said " hey, really need you to confirm so I can confirm the babysitter". But then he's clearly an arse so you'd just have ended up wasting an evening on a crap date.

And as itsnearlysummer said, don't communicate by text if you can possibly avoid it, recipe for misunderstanding and, IME, men often seem to think that text lies are less glaringly obvious than face to face or ear to ear ones...

Bluegrass · 19/09/2011 10:08

Some people seem to use texting as a way to avoid conversations, but the downside is you are setting yourself up for frustration, uncertainty and misunderstandings. Before the days of text this would have been sorted with a quick call and no misunderstandings, but that seems to be increasingly rare now. Technology isn't always helpful!

Stoirin · 19/09/2011 10:09

But he had cancelled, had he? He could have been in a bad area for coverage, I often don't gte texts till I leave my road (so sometimes a day or 3 later) as the coverage is so bad.
I think you went off on one.

Stoirin · 19/09/2011 10:09

*hadn't

paranoidandroidwreckmyownlife · 19/09/2011 10:13

If he's not polite/considerate enough to bother replying at a stage when he's supposed to be trying to impress you, imagine what he'd be like years down the line................
Next candidate please, the last one was ignorant.Grin

Original poster
carrottcruncher · 19/09/2011 10:15

I just find it infuriating.

We havent spoken on the phone, that seems to be quite normal for online dating, most communication ( if not all) happens via email or text).

Last weekend ( when he apparently had his children) he was texting all weekend... he texted me in the week and we texted all evening.

This weekend he was childfree and i heard nothing, now, of course, i understand that im not seeing him and he can do whatever he wants and if he was on another date or whatever, then thats not a problem.

But i waited 9 hours for a reply to my ' good weekend text' which was a question. And then a further 10 hours for a reply to my ' im presuming monday is cancelled?' text.

I get SO annoyed when i got to the trouble of finding a babysitter only to have to cancel an hour before or something, frankly its embarassing.

So - again, with no reply to my last text.. even though his previous one says he hasnt cancelled.. what do i do? assume its not cancelled? assume it is? cancel the babysitter?

OP posts:
Original poster
carrottcruncher · 19/09/2011 10:20

storin - he hasnt had any trouble getting texts before....

OP posts:
earlyriser · 19/09/2011 10:23

Cancel and move on. Seriously, if it is this much bother, this early on in the relationship, then it really isn't worth the hassle!

ENormaSnob · 19/09/2011 10:25

I wouldn't bother tbh.

AnyFucker · 19/09/2011 10:26

even if he hasn't "cancelled", cancel it yourself and move on to the next one

this one is a fuckwit

lubeybooby · 19/09/2011 10:26

Don't bother with the date with him. I wouldn't. He has been flaky, rude and evasive. And lied... he SO did get those texts. Do you really want to date someone who has proved themselves to be crap from the off? Up to you whether to use the babysitter and go out with friends instead or not, but I really wouldn't bother any further with him.

weejimmykrankie · 19/09/2011 10:26

er, if his text about being confused as he hadn't cancelled didn't end with "and I'm looking forward to seeing you tonight" then confirm the time and place, it's cancelled.

If you can afford the babysitter, find a friend to go out and drink wine with and you can slag him off to your hearts' content!

AnyFucker · 19/09/2011 10:27

oh, and anyone over the age of 18 who uses the word "awesome" needs dumping from a great height too

Flowerista · 19/09/2011 10:29

YANBU to have ranted.

YABU to be doubting yourself now. Trust your instincts, don't go making excuses for someone else's inconsiderate behaviour.

maxybrown · 19/09/2011 10:32

After many internet dates (married now, met DH online Grin) I would say forget it - sounds like far too much hard work.

TrillianAstra · 19/09/2011 10:36

YABU to progress from "how was your weekend?" to "I presume it is cancelled" without going via "so, about Monday".

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