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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Saying grace in school before lunch

291 replies

iambach · 18/09/2011 22:02

My children attend a small rural school which is 'non-denominational' but everyday they are made to say grace before they are allowed to eat their lunch.

Part of me thinks its harmless as my children will form their own beliefs from all their life experiences not just school, it's just at early primary school age they are so impressionable. It has made for some interesting conversations at our dinnner table and tbh it is hard to explain to them. They see things so black and white, if the teacher says there is a god and i say i don't believe to them i am almost going against what they are being taught by teachers they respect.

Aibu to feel a bit annoyed about this? My Dh feels much more strongly about it than i do, he thinks it is ridiculous!

OP posts:
jade80 · 18/09/2011 22:55

I'm not religious but went to a school where grace and hymns were normal. Never did me any harm. I think the concept of being thankful for our food is good. I'm sure they'll form their own views in time.

rhondajean · 18/09/2011 22:56

sorry x posted

Vallhala · 18/09/2011 22:57

My DC went to just such a secular, rural primary. I didn't like the saying grace idea much either but if it's any comfort it has had no effect on my sceptical now teenaged DDs.

Going on that experience I'd say leave it and leave your desire to speak out for if and when something more serious occurs which you find objectionable, for fear that you'll be forever known as " that mum who complains over the minor issue of saying grace" and aren't therefore taken as seriously should you ever have a matter of greater importance to raise with the school.

Floggingmolly · 18/09/2011 23:11

I would be furious about this - bloody hell, get over yourself.

seeker · 18/09/2011 23:14

So you'd all be happy if the school decided to say thank you to Satan for the fish fingers?

MotherJack · 18/09/2011 23:24

Flogginmolly - when you say "get over yourself" to that particular poster, are you sure that she does not have a defined faith? If she sent her child to a non-secular / non-denominational school and ended up with a particular faith imposed on her child, she has a right to be angry. If a school makes itself out to be nondenominational yet ask pupils to pray to god before they eat, I would be furious if I were Muslim, for example.

Blu · 18/09/2011 23:25

Oh, come on, Seeker.

Birds Eye aren't THAT bad.

MotherJack · 18/09/2011 23:29

Damn and blast you, Blu. (in a non-secular way). I was about to say that the quality of fishfingers served up, it would only be right to thank Satan and you beat me to it, albeit from a different angle Grin

BartletForAmerica · 18/09/2011 23:31

if you were Muslim, you probably wouldn't be furious, but rather glad of the recognition of God as a provider.

Muslims recognise a special place for Christians & Jews as 'people of the book' & often send their children to overtly Christian schools because of the teaching about God, the Bible stories & the moral framework.

nooka · 18/09/2011 23:35

I see saying grace as a bit fundie to be honest, so I would be extremely uncomfortable with this. My mother went through a recent phase of wanting us to say grace and I really really wasn't comfortable about it. The only families I know that say grace are evangelical. Interestingly I went to a Catholic school and we never said grace, but that might of been because it would be much harder to manage with canteen style eating.

LineRunner · 18/09/2011 23:40

Same as justabigdisco - 'For what we are about to receive mumble mumble mumble ... ergh ergh grateful' - followed by a crazed scuffle of chairs and plates and people rushing back into the stew queue.

It was a good call to order, though. Tbh we could have been mumbling the first verse of 'Anarchy in the UK' or the national anthem.

PassTheSpookyTwiglets · 19/09/2011 07:35

Floggingmolly, people have principles. You get over yourself, love.

Someonesnotinbed · 19/09/2011 07:40

There are no secular schools in the UK, and non-denominational does not mean secular.

lillybloom · 19/09/2011 07:42

non denominational doesn't mean non religious
If you are in Scotland all non denominational school are Christian but not one particular denomination of Christianity. This means there will be generic prayers, services etc. There are no secular schools although there are schools that are less obviously religious than others. Schools are legally rerquired to offer religious observation for so many hours a term.

CustardCake · 19/09/2011 07:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MotherJack · 19/09/2011 08:11

Thanks for that, Bartlet - bad example by me, then and thanks for that info.

Custardcake - I didn't know that it was law that schools had to engage in some form of worship every day. I knew it had to be part of the curriculum, but not the actual act of worship.

exoticfruits · 19/09/2011 08:30

It is a shame that schools just assume that people understand the education acts and then you wouldn't have the problem of them not understanding the term 'non denominational'. Everyone who went to a state school in UK must have had prayers, hymns, bible stories etc. If they were removed it would be big news. It hasn't changed. I can only assume that those who think that community schools are secular went to a faith school themselves and thought it was special to them. There is very little difference between a faith school and a non faith school. The faith school will have a close relationship with the vicar and probably go to church. They are more likely to say grace and have prayers at the end of the day-but beyond that they are remarkably similar.

I think that belief or non belief is a private thing. I don't know of a single adult who believes something because their parent told them to think it. They make their own mind up. I hate the thought that you censor what your DC thinks e.g. 'there is no God because mummy says so' (and any sane person would agree with mummy) or 'mummy believes in God so you will-I brought you up in the church and so you will stay there for life!

People get so hot under the collar about these things. I said grace all through primary school-we didn't at home. It is no big deal. It comes in handy if you go to a very formal dinner and you know what to expect. No one is forcing the DC to say it and I doubt whether it takes more than 20 seconds.
It is all part of the rich tapestry of life. It sems narrow minded to say -'you shouldn't do it because mother thinks it will brain wash the DC'!

I have yet to find a single person who was converted to Christianity through school assemblies-and yet people think their own DC is so wishy washy they haven't got a brain to think for themselves.

CustardCake · 19/09/2011 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marjoriew · 19/09/2011 08:37

Staff at my 6 year old granddaughter's school decided to take it a step further when they said she couldn't have her lunch if she didn't say 'grace'. As my son reinterated when he went in to see the Head, it's not god who provides her food, it's him who provides for her. It's not a church school.

Marjoriew · 19/09/2011 08:38

or 'reiterated' even.:)

exoticfruits · 19/09/2011 08:38

Schools ought to hand out that section custard-then parents wouldn't get taken by surprise.

exoticfruits · 19/09/2011 08:40

Staff couldn't do that Marjoriew-I don't know why they even said it.
Small rural schools tend to be more traditional than big town ones.
It is one of the questions people should ask when they view the school.

CustardCake · 19/09/2011 08:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marjoriew · 19/09/2011 08:47

exoticfruits, when my son enrolled her at school, he specificallly told the Head that his daughter was not to be involved in any form of worship. Based on my own upbringing, my son had good reason for not allowing his daughter to take part in any form of worship at school.

We only found out about it when I was visiting with my grandson who is HE, and my granddaughter was telling him how you have to put your hands together and then recited the words of grace. My son overheard. Headmaster investigated and said 'it was an over-zealous lunch supervisor'.

Marjoriew · 19/09/2011 08:48

Neither do I understand why children should be expected to recite something which has entirely no meaning for them in their daily lives.