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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.. to start to go to church even though I dont believe in God?

175 replies

severnofnine · 18/09/2011 14:29

DH thinks I am BU, but I can't decide
I took the children and dog for a walk before lunch. We live in a small village and even though we've been here for 5 yrs we are still the "new people". I work during the week but our children go to the local school and we have some friends from there. anyway on our dog walk I met a lovely lady church warden she invited us in to the church show us a display some of the children had done.
And now I feel like I'd like to go next week. The only problem is I'm a very scientifically minded rational person. I dont believe there is a bloke somewhere sitting on a cloud directing us. I dont believe in god. I went to church when I was little with my grandmother but my parents werent particularly religious. I wasn't christened neither were my children. I got married at a registry office.

So does that make me a major hypocrite for wanting to go to church, feel like a part of a community, do a bit of singing???Confused? DH wont go- definitely not, but wouldnt mind if i took the children.

am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Meteorite · 20/09/2011 10:22

Gloria would you rather church was only open to believers?

"but why in that case do apparently half the ministry and punters not actually believe in god?How does that fit in with the special quality?"

substantiallycompromised · 20/09/2011 10:23

Sorry - but that's too simplistic!

I'm RC and I'm afraid I have to go and make soup so don't have time to justify my faith as I would wish but suffice to say it is not (necessarily) about following a set of prescribed rules according to a set of Institutions (which I'm not that keen on btw). At it's best it is a journey which involves doubt and questioning and it's about testing yourself a bit and trying to live one's life in a way that imitates the example Jesus set as a compassionate, wise, politically active radical who put others before himself and stood up for the poor, ill, those on the fringes of life. And more often than not, failing to live up to that challenge. And then it's about forgiving yourself and trying again.

madhairday · 20/09/2011 10:24

I think those figures are skewed, Gloria, from reading this thread. I don't know any ministers who don't believe in God (and believe me I know a lot of 'em). I would think and hope there are people in every church who are not sure or unbelieving but it will be nothing like half.

The C of E is sounding somewhat soppy and wet on this thread though, kind of like a favourite childhood comfort blanket offering zero challenge and just some nice happy feelings. If that's all Christianity is about then it would be a waste of space. It's the very depth of it I think that does still attract people today.

GloriaVanderbilt · 20/09/2011 10:24

What I mean is you can't really justify church being about God if you don't even believe in God and if it's the Godliness that makes it 'special' but half the people don't believe in God, well that doesn't make sense.

GloriaVanderbilt · 20/09/2011 10:26

Cross posts. Sorry.

'The C of E is sounding somewhat soppy and wet on this thread though, kind of like a favourite childhood comfort blanket offering zero challenge and just some nice happy feelings. If that's all Christianity is about then it would be a waste of space.'

Well yes my point is therein.

BoffinMum · 20/09/2011 10:29

Faith doesn't have an on/off switch. It is very individual, no two people share the same faith, and it ebbs and flows, waxes and wanes depending on what's happening to people in their lives. If the OP wants to hang around people who are into this, and is OK about her kids listening in to what's going on, then that's fine. If they don't want to join in with the responses, that's fine. If they want to go once and then ditch it, that's fine too. If they only want to go for the social side, then they can hang around on the periphery to get to know people and play a bigger part when it's party time, if that's what suits them. The only important thing is that this is a welcoming community of people who want the world to be a better, more peaceful place with happier people in it, and respect that enough in order to engage with the community as a whole. That's all.

madhairday · 20/09/2011 10:30

Yes, but maybe Christianity isn't what is reflected in how such churches are seen, maybe that is simply the social, nostalgic, comforting side of it all. In my experience following Jesus aint comfortable in the least but it's utterly fulfilling and compelling.

GloriaVanderbilt · 20/09/2011 10:30

So not necessarily anything at all to do with God then?

GloriaVanderbilt · 20/09/2011 10:31

that was to Boffin btw,

BoffinMum · 20/09/2011 10:31

Challenge is certainly there. It taps you on the shoulder, catches you by surprise, and before you know it you have a vocation and you're working out what your proper role on earth is. It's alarming and exciting in equal measure when it happens.

minipie · 20/09/2011 10:32

Boffin I think the best bet would be for the OP to go to a few services on her own, maybe for a few months, see if she is comfortable with the type of sermons that are given and verses that are read. If so, then take the children after that. Talking to the vicar wouldn't necessarily tell her what the vicar is likely to say in church services each week.

Meteorite · 20/09/2011 10:32

Christian liberalism is often criticised as being too open-minded.

But I prefer this approach to the other option which is fundamentalism and a totally literal reading of the Bible from start to finish with no room for interpretation or discussion.

Liberalism is Christianity which seeks the truth without claiming to have all the answers.

"The C of E is sounding somewhat soppy and wet on this thread though"

BoffinMum · 20/09/2011 10:32

God, or the idea of God(s) to human beings, is so huge I don't think anyone can ever make sense of it analytically. For me it is like thinking about the boundaries of the universe. Too much for my brain.

GloriaVanderbilt · 20/09/2011 10:33

Plus all the seromns and so on tend to mention Jesus/God...if this isn't relevant why is it universal? It seems slightly disingenuous if church really isn't about believing in god or Jesus.

BoffinMum · 20/09/2011 10:33

This is true, minipie. We have been assuming he is a nice, friendly vicar, if course. She needs to see what she thinks for herself.

SardineQueen · 20/09/2011 10:36

Gloria many people are "culturally" religious - they have been raised in a religion, the religion is important in the community, all big events revolve around the place you go to worship (funerals, marriages, other rites of passage) etc etc

So they "do" the religion and sometimes don't even think that hard about the things they are saying etc. It's a part of what they have been doing since they can remember, it's just what you do.

I think that's fair enough TBH.

Meteorite · 20/09/2011 10:37

I know what you're saying Gloria. Personally I would expect anyone in church leadership to be a Christian and believe in God. I certainly wouldn't wish unbelievers to be excluded from the congregation though!

"What I mean is you can't really justify church being about God if you don't even believe in God and if it's the Godliness that makes it 'special' but half the people don't believe in God, well that doesn't make sense."

SardineQueen · 20/09/2011 10:38

It's part of their identity IYSWIM.

Less so CofE people but you mention RC and it is certainly the case there, ditto friends who are Jewish or Hindu. It's just what you are.

BoffinMum · 20/09/2011 10:38

Well it is about believing in God. This is the bottom line:

We believe in one God, the father almighty, maker of heaven and earth.

Interpretation: A bit patriarchal, but then so was society when the prayer was written. Making heaven and earth could mean allowing it to evolve.

Other people have different interpretations.
This is why it's not a fundamentalist religion.

SardineQueen · 20/09/2011 10:38

Not for all of them obviously Grin but for lots.

Meteorite · 20/09/2011 10:39

Agree. And feminist theology is a whole other discussion... Wink

"A bit patriarchal, but then so was society when the prayer was written."

BoffinMum · 20/09/2011 10:40

I too am fine with culturally religious. Whatever makes for a happier world. Not everyone is meant to be turning the tables over in the temple or whatever.

BoffinMum · 20/09/2011 10:41

Don't get me into that Meteorite.

BoffinMum · 20/09/2011 10:41

It is a bit soppy and wet, which is why a lot of us belong to it. Fire and brimstone is so 19th century.

Meteorite · 20/09/2011 10:42

:o