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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

.. to start to go to church even though I dont believe in God?

175 replies

severnofnine · 18/09/2011 14:29

DH thinks I am BU, but I can't decide
I took the children and dog for a walk before lunch. We live in a small village and even though we've been here for 5 yrs we are still the "new people". I work during the week but our children go to the local school and we have some friends from there. anyway on our dog walk I met a lovely lady church warden she invited us in to the church show us a display some of the children had done.
And now I feel like I'd like to go next week. The only problem is I'm a very scientifically minded rational person. I dont believe there is a bloke somewhere sitting on a cloud directing us. I dont believe in god. I went to church when I was little with my grandmother but my parents werent particularly religious. I wasn't christened neither were my children. I got married at a registry office.

So does that make me a major hypocrite for wanting to go to church, feel like a part of a community, do a bit of singing???? DH wont go- definitely not, but wouldnt mind if i took the children.

am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

nokissymum · 18/09/2011 17:46

Trois - some busybodies are just that, busybodies! It is not okay to be endlessly nosey, funnily enough our local newspaper neighbour, who knows everybodys business on our street and beyond, always starts off by saying "im just looking out for you, you know!"

GloriaVanderbilt · 18/09/2011 17:49

I'm the opposite...no problem with God really, it's the other people that bother me. Especially evangelists. I mean great if God wants me for a whatever, but why do YOU lot want me?

They make me suspicious.

Marymaryalittlecontrary · 18/09/2011 18:21

I think it would be lovely for you to go.

I go to Church every week. I do believe in God and Jesus, though sometimes have doubts, but I also love the community aspect. I used to attend one church, which wasn't all that welcoming, but changed when we moved earlier this year. Now I have loads of people to chat with every week, I'm included in social events, etc. I come out of church every week feeling all fuzzy inside and a real part of my community.

Also, next week is a really good week to attend as it's 'Back to Church Sunday.' Well, it is at my church and I think it's a national thing. So your church might have some nice cake if you go next week - mine doesn't need much of an excuse to serve cake, which is another of its good points!

giraffesCantChaChaCha · 18/09/2011 18:27

I think churches are welcoming. I am not religious and have no desire to go, but if for some reason I did decide to go I wouldnt feel strange about just going along

soggy14 · 18/09/2011 18:29

YANBU - I go but do not believe - I think that anything which brings a community together is good and anyway am sure that God will not mind

kerrymumbles · 18/09/2011 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 18/09/2011 18:43

Agree, kerrymumbles- but I decided to restrain myself and not say it. Glad you did!

Pancakeflipper · 18/09/2011 18:48

In our village the church is the centre of activity especially for families. There's quite a few who go because they like the people, the events etc not cos' they believe in God. They contribute in lots of ways and obviously 'put up' with the God bits in the events.

It doesn't bother those who do believe in God too much cos' they pray that one day they will believe in God. Well it worked with me.... they are still praying for my DP....

golemmings · 18/09/2011 19:57

We're in a similar situation to the OP. DH and I were both brought up CofE; his parents were/are very active in the church - warden/sacristan etc and my parents have some kind of love hate relationship with the church - bigger on spirituality than faith (I believe they asked too many difficult questions to complete an alpha course!)

I have no faith (and stopped going to church at 14 or so when I was expected to pray for the conversion of the Jews and I couldn't figure out why the evangelical church (to which my guide unit was attached) thought it was so superior to the Jews that they should be denied their own religion - but then, I was that kind of teenager); DH claims to have no faith to but still takes communion when we go so I'm not really sure where he stands.

However we are aware that the CofE is a huge part of English culture and it would be a shame if our kids grew up without knowing the poetry, the music and the stories associated with the church.

I also hope that an understanding of one faith might make it easier to understand other faiths and give them more options about what they choose to believe when they come to make their minds up.

chillikate · 18/09/2011 20:53

Very interested to read this thread. I have been toying with going to church with DS (4). Hes been asking to go, the only time hes been is for a family funeral.

DH is completely anti-religion. I was brought up Catholic until the age of 7 when my parents divorced but don't really have big views either way.

AbigailS · 18/09/2011 21:08

The Church wants Christians to follow Christ's example and show love to non-believers. They aim to over a service to the community. You don't need to believe to go to their playgroups or mother and toddler groups; they want to support families. They don't just feed the Christian homeless; they feed as many as they can. If you're going to enjoy the singing and the fellowish with other people from your village they will feel they have offered you a service. End of story. IF at some point you want to ask questions about faith and explore your responses they will be happy to talk, but not until you raise it. I've helped lead Alpha groups full of scientific thinkers who just wanted to discuss faith without any belief in Jesus.

HappyCamel · 18/09/2011 21:13

YANBU. Most of the people who heard Jesus wouldn't have believed him to begin with.

A1980 · 18/09/2011 21:13

I don't beleive in God but we used to be church goers when i was a child. I find it nostalgic and very comforting especially at Christmas.

Go YANBU.

BoffinMum · 18/09/2011 21:17

I am sure everyone at church would be delighted to see you and compete to get you a cuppa and a biscuit afterwards. Anyway, a church is ultimately the community and the people involved, not buildings or dogma or whatever.

Indaba · 18/09/2011 21:34

YANBU

Sermons are usually thought provoking. Its good to take some time out of your week and have a think about important things.

ps I don't do God.

Indaba is about to hit send and await big flash of lightening

Indaba · 18/09/2011 21:38

Oh and...... you might get fast tracked into fab local state school

androbbob · 18/09/2011 21:44

We are not a religious church going family. DH was brought up catholic and stopped going when 16 (as his DM couldnt make him go!) and then she didnt go so often herself. She is now dead. My family are not religious at all - we were not christened.

When we had DD who is now 9 we had her baptised in the local catholic church as DH thought it was the right thing to do and I was happy to respect his family wishes. We were planning on taking her to local RC primary school but events with childcare meant that the local community primary school has her presence. DS came along and we had him baptised at same church. DD wanted to join the local Brownies group with her school friends and part of that is the monthly church parade. We try to go to the majority of them - Rememberence Sunday and the Christmas and Easter ones but as DS was very small we dropped her and ran! It is a CofE church and is very welcoming. We went last sunday and I decided that now DS is 4.5 and in school it was time for him to realise what goes on in churches. He was mildly interested and asked questions - it was fitting that it was the 9/11 Sunday service and we were made to feel part of the place. having said that, I would not be going on a weekly basis, but as we have the reason to go once a month I am going to continue on with that, as it is good for both of them to appreciate other peoples faith. I felt more comfortable there than the RC church as it felt more community based.

Very long winded way of saying go along and give it a whirl and take it from there!

Ihavewelliesbutitssunny · 18/09/2011 21:49

Haven't read the whole thread . But as a Christian I would say of course YANBU to go to Church even though you don't believe in God. I think you just need to go with an open mind. I think for a lot of people the first time they go to Church they don't believe in God, they either go as children with parents who to go to a Wedding/funeral/Christening, with a friend or out of curiosity.

CheerfulYank · 18/09/2011 21:50

Sure you should go! Why not?

I'm quite religious but wouldn't mind at all if others who were at church weren't. Come, sing, have a cookie, shake some hands. :) (Unless you don't do passing the peace in C of E? American Lutheran here!)

Good luck. You might like it. And if not, well, no harm done.

BoffinMum · 18/09/2011 21:52

We do the peace thing. It's a bit un-British and came in about 1980, and we'll still recovering.

SwingingBetty · 18/09/2011 21:54

not religious in any way but i do find being in church very comforting and safe

thejaffacakesareonme · 18/09/2011 21:56

I think you should just go and enjoy it. I'm a Christian and don't imagine that everyone who is new in church believes in God. Many might just be curious or fancy a quiet time to think about stuff. Nothing wrong with that.

NotADudeExactly · 18/09/2011 22:04

YANBU to go as such - it's up to you. I'm an atheist and feel quite strongly about it - but I go at Christmas because it's a family tradition. And because I like the vicar's way of thinking. But the he is not actually a believer himself as far as I can tell.

I do have a massive issue with some strands of religious thinking - simply because I am enormously bothered by flawed logic. E.g. I am really annoyed by the "god of the gaps" that we find sometimes - this line of reasoning that goes "science does not explain everything, therefore it is reasonable and scientifically valid to believe in God - the explanation for the stuff science (so far) has no answers to". Someone please explain to me how this is not equally an argument for belief in an invisible omniscient, omnipotent, eternal green coloured banana muffin being the explanation for everything.

Needless to say: I would not want to attend that type of church on a regular basis; it would simply make my head explode. My other big problem with the whole church going thing is the proselytizing. It's just something I hate. Every time I've been invited to someone's church it was done in the spirit of "come along and see (and once you're there we'll "witness" to you en masse until you see that resistance is futile)". Those were without exceptions invitations to evangelical churches, though.

I totally do get the desire to participate in a community thing, though. And the gathering to ponder big questions with others. I'm even reasonably pro-bakesales etc. That part I completely get. If there were a secular version of that, I'd attend.

NonnoMum · 18/09/2011 23:02

V interesting and well-written argument here [http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-14944470]

Pretty much saying what most of the thread is saying. Isn't about what you think, it's about what you do.

GloriaVanderbilt · 19/09/2011 07:41

No I'm sorry but that's not true.

It's about what you think.

It doesn't matter if you understand or believe in it is what they told me before I got confirmed. They were lying sods trying to get their numbers up.

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