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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

.. to start to go to church even though I dont believe in God?

175 replies

severnofnine · 18/09/2011 14:29

DH thinks I am BU, but I can't decide
I took the children and dog for a walk before lunch. We live in a small village and even though we've been here for 5 yrs we are still the "new people". I work during the week but our children go to the local school and we have some friends from there. anyway on our dog walk I met a lovely lady church warden she invited us in to the church show us a display some of the children had done.
And now I feel like I'd like to go next week. The only problem is I'm a very scientifically minded rational person. I dont believe there is a bloke somewhere sitting on a cloud directing us. I dont believe in god. I went to church when I was little with my grandmother but my parents werent particularly religious. I wasn't christened neither were my children. I got married at a registry office.

So does that make me a major hypocrite for wanting to go to church, feel like a part of a community, do a bit of singing???? DH wont go- definitely not, but wouldnt mind if i took the children.

am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

MaryBS · 19/09/2011 07:44

I'm a lay minister, and there's a chap who comes to our church occasionally, who is quite open about saying he doesn't believe in God, but he keeps asking me questions when he does come, and he seems happy to join in. Not entirely sure of his reasons for coming, but thats up to him.

Also some of our choir have admitted that when they started coming, it was only for the singing. So you wouldn't be the first thats done that!

SardineQueen · 19/09/2011 10:05

boffinmum that's so right about the peace being rather un-british and a lot of people not having got used to it in the 30 or so years it's been going on

porcamiseria · 19/09/2011 10:34

yanbu
I am a christian but I don t think this is a bad reason to attend, agree with nonnomum

Scholes34 · 19/09/2011 11:06

Your local church is a bit part of the local community. We have a chap at our church who is a nobel prize winning scientist and he also preaches. I think I have similar thoughts to the OP and I've never been made to feel uncomfortable in the church environment.

substantiallycompromised · 19/09/2011 11:11

Of course UANBU! And of course you should go! Doubt is good.

(Pssst - I'm RC and I don't believe thre is a bloke somewhere sitting on a cloud directing us either.)

BoffinMum · 19/09/2011 11:44

At least we don't have to kiss each other, Sardine ...

nickelbabe · 19/09/2011 12:05

yup, YANBU.

I say that as a christian, and choir member (okay, the two aren't mutually exclusive! )

However, I would also like to add, as an incoming villager, that going to the church and also joining the WI are great ways of becoming integrated.

In my experience, if you get involved in village life, activities etc, then they will see you as one of their own.
and yes, going to the church with your DCs is top of that, because most "incomers" don't bother with the church (and if you're in with the churchwardens, you are privvy to everything that goes on!)

MaryBS · 19/09/2011 12:31

(I'd rather go to church than the W.I. :o, when I read what 'exciting' things they get up to... not)

nickelbabe · 19/09/2011 14:26

ooh, you've obviously got a dull WI near you!
In my WI, you know everything if you're in it.
and everyone.
We do interesting things.

and have fab cakes (that's more important than you realise!)

dragdownthemoon · 19/09/2011 14:44

i am a christian with a very strong faith. i would welcome you to my church with open arms even if you told me you thought it was all a load of nonsense and you only came for the free biscuits. YANBU at all.

theredsalamander · 19/09/2011 18:51

This thread has made me really want to go to church! We moved to our village from a neighbouring town 2 years ago and because dh and i both work and dcs dont attend local school, plus it's a rather spread out rural village, we don't bump into people that often. Church hadn't crossed my mind as the place to go for community - now what is on the calendar for Sunday morning...

alldaysleeper · 20/09/2011 08:43

The church that I attend is an integral part of the community even though it is a city centre church. The mums & babies/toddlers group is open to anyone & used by about 80% non Christians, I think they feel very welcome & safe there, lots to do for the children and also always someone to chat to the mums, its also free (added bonus), faith etc is very rarely discussed but often mums of all faiths (or no faith at all) who are going through hard times will ask to be prayed for. Also big local student population which can be bewildering for new students so they are free to drop in and talk to the student team, have a cuppa, get an invite for a delicious Sunday lunch with one of the church families so for a lot of them its a bit of home from home. There's lots going on all the time for every age group and of course as with everything its open to anyone regardless of faith, background etc.

Meteorite · 20/09/2011 09:20

YANBU. Churches are for everyone. If you had to be worthy enough to attend the church would be empty

libelulle · 20/09/2011 09:33

hey, I even know a C of E vicar who says he is agnostic. Go for it - there's hardly a church in the world likely to be more welcoming to a self-confessed atheist

GloriaVanderbilt · 20/09/2011 09:41

But how can you be RC and not believe in God? I don't understand.

I mean you don't have to explain it to me, it's none of my business but to me it appears to undermine the entire thing if you don't believe in God.

RC has a set of clear(ish) rules and doctrines, what's the use in saying you subscribe to a religion if you don't actually, erm, subscribe to it?

My mum has trouble with this and it drives me mad. She thinks it's wrong to be gay, because the pope tells her it is. 'But your daughter is gay (not me the other one)'. 'I know and I am very happy with that'. 'So how do you reconcile that with being RC?' 'I can't'.

Okayyyy

seeker · 20/09/2011 09:48

Oh Gloria, don't go there. I once got caught on a thread for ages where people were telling me that in order to be a Roman Catholic all you had to do was say that you were one- you didn't actually have to believe anything at all!

GloriaVanderbilt · 20/09/2011 09:59

i can believe it Seeker. I wouldn't have until recently but I can actually believe that now.

It's like it's purely a social club or something.

Nothing to do with spirituality at all.

why does that annoy me so much?

NotADudeExactly · 20/09/2011 10:06

The funny thing is: I'd love a social club like this. I also love how everyone says churches are open to everybody and whatnot. Why can't we just have clubs that do not make token references to imaginary deities, then? I'm even volunteering to help run the thing!

BoffinMum · 20/09/2011 10:09

Dude, because I think it's the emphasis on the spiritual and the greater good and the enduring quality of it all that gives it its special quality. There aren't many social clubs that have lasted 2000 years like Christianity has, transcending geography, history and politics, so we have to ask ourselves why.

GloriaVanderbilt · 20/09/2011 10:15

but why in that case do apparently half the ministry and punters not actually believe in god?How does that fit in with the special quality?

NotADudeExactly · 20/09/2011 10:19

What Gloria said.

Also, if longevity is directly proportional to desirability, shouldn't christians be converting to Judaism en masse?

minipie · 20/09/2011 10:20

YANBU to want the social and community side of church. It's lovely.

However, so far you've just had a wander round the church. I wonder if you might feel a bit differently when you go to an actual service and hear the sermons and Bible verses saying that Jesus died to save us etc etc. And remember that your children will be hearing this too.

BoffinMum · 20/09/2011 10:21

Because they probably believe in some sort of collective bigger consciousness instead.
Good question. However I think the shunning of sinners and general introspection of orthodox Judaism was the reason they set up Christianity in the first place.

BoffinMum · 20/09/2011 10:22

Minipie, good point, do you think she would benefit from discussing this with the vicar in the first instance to work out what she feels about all this?

GloriaVanderbilt · 20/09/2011 10:22

Well if that's what they believe in why say they are catholics? or CofE or whatever.

It's senseless.
Just say what you believe, not what it says above the door where you and all your mates hang out.

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