Thinking baby bedtime routines are b*llocks?

[redbird79]

We have just started trying to be a bit more consistent in our 10mo's bedtime routine. Only problem is that now it takes over my entire evening- bath, supper,story, song/nurse to sleep. I now have less free time than I did before and DS still goes to sleep at roughly the same time- only with more whinging. Sorry, just needed to rant.

It works for our 1yr. old. Bath approx 7.15pm, feed in bed with teddy nearby and then straight into bed and she sleeps until 6am. Disrupt that routine by being out late/having visitors etc and she gets v.grumpy/tired and ergo so do we.

I'm an LP and had no routine til last week. DD is 14 months. It seemed too much hassle trying to get everything done on schedule. Then she got poorly, and it was like having a tiny baby again - I took it as an opportunity to re-order things and since she's been feeling better I have imposed a fairly strict routine. In the space of a week the difference is amazing! She's in bed and asleep by 7.30, and before, it could be 8, could be 9, could be 11, no structure at all and I always felt tired and never knew if I could get any work done in the evening or not.

To be fair, she is an adaptable creature and has coped well, the only thing I can't do is put her down when she's awake - she needs to be cuddled to sleep. But she always did need to be cuddled to sleep, there was just no pattern to when. So I'm totally converted to the routine, but I don't think you need to feel it is for you.

For what it's worth, ours is 5.30pm dinner (any later and she gags and looks really dopey), 6pm teeth and bath, 6.15-6.45 nappy, PJs then reading or maybe quiet play together, 7-7.30pm cuddle/bed.

I'm a routine Girl all the way, my ds I didn't do it until he was about 6 months old, and it took a while, but dd I started when she was 6 weeks old, basically as soon as she had started to get sort of predictable feeding times. The feed before she normally settled for a long sleep, I gave her a bath, gave her her feed, then sang a particular song, the same one every night. Within a week she was settling herself to sleep really well after the song, and I have to say she has never given me a moments trouble at bedtime, she's now 5. I never had to do cc with her, unlike ds which I did and was very traumatic!

ha ha ha, yanbu

redbird i haven't read all the thread and i don't know if you have mentioned working. If you are at home you can relax and forget routines. Enjoy your baby in the evenings and she can sleep extra in the morning or afternoon. We didn't have routine untill they started school.

YANBU - although I have always loved storytime before bed. Great family time and encourages a love of reading later. People may say you are making a rod for your own back by not imposing a strict routine - but you know what - its your rod on your back and you can decide yourself what's best for your family

I'm a bedtime routine devotee - our evenings to ourselves are sacrosanct.

I have a 2.6 year old and a 13 month old - they have baths on alternate nights, and I get both of them into bed in under half an hour, and come 7PM it's our time. Guaranteed. Every night. [G&T emoticon] What's not to love about that?

YABU.

bedtime routine can be as short as you want - doestn' have to have lots of components. We don't always do a bath, nor book for bed yet with ds2, just 1yr. we do have a routine but takes 10-20 mins depending on how long we roll around on the bed biting pillows, and how long the wrestle into the nappy takes but that is for a different thread (won't lie down, won't stand still - what to do?!).
Also, for what it's worth, he was always a terrible sleeper, since birth but in past few weeks has made major progress and has now slept 7.30-6 5 nights in a row! a bath before bed is not necessary to sleep through...

i tried all that wind down time it didn't work for ds is very energetic then he is suddenly tired and falls asleep within a few minutes. ds always went to bed late(around 10) i followed his routine, he has hardly ever slept 12 hours and at weekends will often stay up until 1030. when he is at nursery he goes to bed earlier. for us it works and means ds can deal with late nights, he will sleep in. we sometimes do not get home until 830 if i have been at uni or work

i also until recently used to cuddle him on the sofa until he feel asleep, this only took a few minutes then i put him in bed now he likes to go to bed, read then tells me he wants to sleep (he is nearly 4)

I just have to jump in here and say

WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT

to the childminder who was being all judgey about someone not having routines with littlies.

Firstly, if they are like zombies when in a childminders because of lack of night-time sleep, they need to NAP.. many parents who stay at home have late nights and early rises but longer naps in the day etc.. so the question I would have to ask about your attitude, judgey childminder, is why, if you were so concerned about their learning you couldn't accommodate longer naps and restful periods in the day to stop them being zombified. Given that you were being paid for it..

Secondly, they didn't learn well as a result. On the basis of what evidence? Were you using charts? Standardised assessments? Flashcards? Did they cease to develop? Not acquire language?

There are children who come from chaotic homes where there is domestic violence and alcohol abuse and all sorts of terrible goings on, or where they are strapped into pushchairs down in the bookies or the pub or the local drug dealers.. and yes, the evidence is that this sort of chaos will impede early learning. Not reading ickle Johnny a book after his bath and ensuring that his eyes are closed by precisely 7.30 each night is unlikely to really have such a major long term negative consequences and it appalls me when people make out that these small things have such deletrious outcomes, knowing (as I reckon all mothers do) how that will be received. Being a childminder really doesn't qualify you to judge parenting..

Chortle at taking 70 mins to get three children to bed.

I bath mine when it suits me - more often than not in the morning before they get dressed.

Bedtime routine consists of them putting on pjs and brushing teeth while DD1 watches 1 episode of peppa pig. DD1 (3) has a bedtime story. DD2 (14mo) gets put in her cot and rolls over and goes to sleep.

The whole thing is over within 5 minutes and they sleep for at least 12 hours).

I have wine in my hand by 6.15

Thing is, not everyone has the time before leaving the house for work to bath 3 kids. 6.15 and I was just getting in the door ready to start dinner when the older 2 were little. 70 minutes is on the long side, but hardly unusual.

Nope that's true maisie.

We cut our cloth to suit what was going on. When DD2 turned out to be a 5AM riser instead of pissing and moaning about it we decided to take it in turns to go to the gym in the early morning and get the kids washed etc first thing.

70 mins on a 'routine' still seems like madness to me. I'm all for a fixed bedtime, and my DC have one, but a 'routine' of over an hour. Why? I mean, why? It ISN'T necessary for the majority of children to sleep.

I like the bedtime routine. I'm on my own with my kids a lot and once I enter the bedtime routine, I know I'm on my way to a little space and time to get some jobs done.

We did it from the day our DS1 was born - no other particular routine throughout the day, just a sort of pattern in which we roughly did stuff. Bedtime was always the same things, in the same order, at the same time. When we are on holiday with other families/staying at ilaws/at a party or whatever we don't do it, of course.

Well, 3 kids of different ages into baths, out of baths, dried, bedtime feed if they are having one, teeth cleaned, stories to suit each of them, into bed, tucked in, lights out - yep, 30-60 mins is easily what it takes.

What did you do with the other 2 when your DD2 was awake at 5am? How did that work?

notsofastmrbond wow, 6.15, 3 kids in bed, that is pretty great!

I used to bath DD in the morning as I was also getting ready for work at that time and it seemed like the natural thing to do to wake her up for nursery. I only recently realised it could be a soothing, evening, get-your-last-energy-out thing. Also, I was trying to bathe her ready for nursery and get me ready for the day, and I have only lately realised how unnecessary it was to struggle for that when she could just as well be bathed in the evening!

Not sure over an hour is necessary for a 'routine' though. Ours takes that long because of how I chose to space things but I am pretty sure you could do teeth, bath, nappy, PJs, book, bed in 30 mins if that's what your family life/work schedule allows.

I think you're missing the point maisie - don't know if that's deliberate?

Bathing and long reading of stories doensn't happen at bedtime in our house. Putting on pyjamas, brushing teetch and a quick story in bed takes a MAXIMUM of ten minutes, usually less.

"What did you do with the other 2 when your DD2 was awake at 5am? How did that work?"

I don't really understand what you mean by that. The other two were alseep in their beds - I thought I'd said DD2 was the early riser, not all of them.

I wasn't aware there was a point to be missed - deliberately or otherwise

redbird79 you said it yourself, it is great being a mummy, but all of us should be able to take five, and have that adult, relaxing time with , almost like nice reward for the hard day graft.
Routines are there for takes, and those that master them will have that perfect balance between being capable, loving, super mum during day, but also succeeding in having a me time in the evening IMO.
I am believer in routine, and have implemented one with both DC's from the age of 6 months(both being moved into their own bedrooms) and never looked back, maybe it's the slight selfishness on DH's and my part, but that's the way we wanted to organise ourselves, different things work for different people so YANBU.
We have friends who never implemented any routine with their DD (now age 6) and as result little one still sleeps in the parents bed(co sleep), their bed times are collective, and they all go to bed at the same time, this scenario is not the one for me, but they seem happy, so it's up to them.

I wasn't disputing that bathing/drying/washing/tooth brushing/tucking in/story reading 3 kids would take 70 mins maisie.

I was saying that I don't believe it's necessary for those tasks to form part of a strict routine and that it can't be broken up into individual chunks for fear of disrupting some sacred ritual.

I have 5 dc's,the first 3 no routine and not very good sleepers until older.The 2 younger ones,routine from birth and slept all night from 7 weeks.Im far to old to be messing around in the night.
My routine isnt strict tho,just a bath before bed really,dd 7 months knows it better than me now i think.I am happy to relax it on holiday or when staying the weekend with relatives but i get back into it asap.

Reading this thread there seems to be a great deal of disconnect between the meaning of the terms BEDTIME and ROUTINE.

To me, BEDTIME means this: children in bed sleeping by 6.15.

ROUTINE means this: bath, dry, milk, story, lullaby, bed.

Two totally different things IMO.

BEDTIME, in this house, is sacred. ROUTINE is not important.

Great Notsofar

6.15!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are only home at 6!