Thinking baby bedtime routines are b*llocks?

[redbird79]

We have just started trying to be a bit more consistent in our 10mo's bedtime routine. Only problem is that now it takes over my entire evening- bath, supper,story, song/nurse to sleep. I now have less free time than I did before and DS still goes to sleep at roughly the same time- only with more whinging. Sorry, just needed to rant.

[redbird79]

Eek, started a bit of a controversial one. Maybe shouldve posted in the Sleep section- too late I suppose!
Well, we have taken some of your advice and ignored others: Realised he's not a baby who wants to sleep at 7pm at the mo but 10pm has been brought down to 9pm over a series of nights. Bath has stayed- we are BLW so it is necessary and also gets rid of last bits of energy. Supper may be used if he hasn't eaten much dinner but otherwise dropped. Story is something I like and is only Peepo! so doesn't take long. Sing and BF to sleep as that's what we've always done. After doing this for a week it is getting a bit better. By the way I didn't post on the first night of the routine- just the first night it went t*ts up and I needed to vent! Thanks all again

[lesley33]

I think a bedtime routine can take more time to do when they are younger, tahn just putting them down to sleep. But I do think doing this when they are very young makes it much easier and quicker to get them to bed when they are older.

[whackamole]

YAB a bit U.

I remember when we finally managed to get the boys into bed and off to sleep by 7pm. It was magical. Didn't bother with a bath every night though unless they were disgusting - normally once or twice a week. Also didn't really start doing bedtime stories till they were about 2 and in beds. Also I wasn't BF at that age (stopped at 4 months and formula fed during the night often anyway) and I think that helped with the sleeping through.

It will get easier! Couldn't you do bath earlier on if he doesn't need all his dinner washing off, and do reading during the day as well? You might find this cuts down the time you are spending getting him ready for bed.

[BsshBossh]

DH and I are both FT working parents but I've always had to put DD (3) to bed around 7 because she needs a lot of sleep and on a weekday we have to wake her at 7. We tried putting her to bed later so we could spend more time with her but it backfired and she became a child from hell. So in the case of our FT working household a 7pm bedtime is a must.

[ledkr]

The other thing with routines when you look at it is that its just doing the necessary stuff to get them to bed.
My dd is doing blw so simply has to have a bath after dinner cos she is covered in food she then obviously needs putting in pjs and then is hungry and tired so has a feed and bed. I couldnt do it any differently if i tried.She is also desperate to get to bed by 7 even if she has a late sleep or we are out and about.
When we were in a cravan she still roughly demanded the same routine herself ie.we bathed her in the sink and she screamed until i fed her and then she fell asleep and slept in her pram all thru the kiddies disco.

I have also had several bad patches with her such as she went through a phase of early waking at 4.30.A daytime nap routine and fresh air before bedtime helped to end this.

You just do what suits you and your child really and you cant go far wrong.

[notsofastmrbond]

Sorry not soils!

[notsofastmrbond]

Working - soils if you thought I was being bitchy, that wasn't my intention at all - all I meant was that of course you are going to make time to see them when you get in. That's all I said isn't it? Genuinely didn't intend to be bitchy

[Kiwiinkits]

Hi Laquitar, if starting a routine at 7pm works better for your family then so be it. Children thrive on a predictable pattern of events. If you need to do something a bit differently on the odd occasion, that's fine, but chopping and changing every night is really confusing for kids. They like to know what comes next.... it's pretty basic parenting, that. Surprised you're so defensive?

[thecaptaincrocfamily]

auntmargaret - I worked full time as a student HV but managed to get my dds to bed at 7-730pm, granted my DH was fab and cooked dinner. I talked to them and read to them while bathing them and putting them into bed aged 3 and 5yo. I did this not because I didn't want to see them, but because I wanted them to function and learn well at school. It has payed off and thankfully I now work part time and an evening job to top my earnings up!

[auntmargaret]

Working parents cannot have a child in bed by 7, we would never see them. My DD1 went to bed at 9, still does aged 8. Thats because I get home at 6, do chat, dinner, homework, bath, bed, story. It isnt easy for those of us who work 9-5, it doesnt help to be told our kids are sleep deprived, thanks for that guilt trip on top of everything else. I know my kids. DD1 sleeps for 10 hours, regardless of what time she goes to bed. She is bright as a button/never stops all day, and is top of the class in school. Not all kids are the same, and they dont all need 12 hours a night.

[Laquitar]

kiwiinkts if you have said that you need the routine because you prefer quite evenings with a glass of wine i would say 'fine, whatever suits you, good for you'. But what you have typed is just a bag of bullshit.

'Unfair to the child' ? Like if your dh has not seen the baby all day and they have a cuddle and play/chat on the sofa passed 6.30pm? Is this 'unfair' to the baby? And if you -horror- don't do everything in the same order?

Yes, your baby will be 'unstable adult' because she played with her daddy . And maybe she will end up in prison because one evening you had family fun and you brushed the teeth, then put pj on instead of pj first and then teeth

[working9while5]

Also, I have to concur with A1980, our ds used to scream as though we were torturing him with a hot poker when we tried to put him down at 7. When we eventually switched to an 8.15 - 8.30 bedtime he was like a different child. He kisses his dad good night, brushes his teeth, has a book and then hits the hay. When we were trying for the earlier bedtime (and this was when I worked less, so he had more time with us in the evenings then anyway), he was like a demon. Not all children prefer to sleep at night. He seems to like a long nap and eleven hours at night.

[working9while5]

notsofastmrbond, completely unnecessarily bitchy response there... I was amazed at the bedtime you suggested, that was all. In fact, I was impressed but you defensively read it as a dig and responded in a catty fashion. Well done to you!

[gomez]

Ah now we had a routine - which went boob, bath boob, bed. Took maybe 30 to 45 mins was then changed to supper bath boob bed but it wasn't at the same time every day. So if we had been out and about resulting in a late sleep then could be 8pm and would maybe take only 15 mins. If not and at home would perhaps take the 30 minutes and start at 6.30. As they got older bed would incorporate a wee story or a song but always with the same cues. We flexed the start time depending on age, child, stage and what we had been doing. But always stuck to the same order.

Worked for all 3 DC to get them to bed and asleep. We would also do the routine and put them to bed at the end whether awake of asleep. Sometimes this meant they fell asleep on the boob or mid-song or whatever: other times they were put to bed awake.

[A1980]

To all those routine enthusiasts, sorry, but I don't think that having a bath, putting on pyjamas and giving some milk will magically induce sleep in a baby who is not ready to sleep because they are not tired at that time. If you have a baby or toddler who is totally bright, alert and happy at 7.00pm and never so much as looks tired or yawns until 8.30pm, then they are not likely to be induced to sleep with a story at 7.15pm. Yes, lots of babies do fall asleep in the early evening, but some do not.

True! My friends 3 DC's are never in bed before 8pm and sometiems 8:30. Even the baby. She said if she put her DC's to bed at 7pm they would be up at 4am. One of my friends 5yo son's is never in bed before 9pm otherwise he would be up at 5am. My friend also works long hours and she wants to spend time with him in the evening, not just bundle him into bed early. You have to guage the bed time for the child.

Also it's not so much the routine they need, but it's a wind down for them. Moving from an active day to sleep. What better way than a bath, story milk and bed.

[A1980]

Also perhaps the rouitne is taking a while now becasue your children have not had one before.

If you persevere then you will probably find it becomes much less time consuming as your DC's become used to it.

[BranchingOut]

This thread is quite funny.

'YABU - yes, I have a strict bedtime routine, very strict in my house. Bath, milk, story and then off to bed.'

'YANBU - no, we have never worried too much about routines. I just make sure they have a bath, then give them some milk and read them a story and off to bed.'

I used to hear about bedtime routines and think they must be something slightly mystical that other parents were doing, incorporating special movements and signals to raise the gods of sleep. Whereas, they are just the stuff you do before your baby sleeps.

To all those routine enthusiasts, sorry, but I don't think that having a bath, putting on pyjamas and giving some milk will magically induce sleep in a baby who is not ready to sleep because they are not tired at that time. If you have a baby or toddler who is totally bright, alert and happy at 7.00pm and never so much as looks tired or yawns until 8.30pm, then they are not likely to be induced to sleep with a story at 7.15pm. Yes, lots of babies do fall asleep in the early evening, but some do not.

A later bedtime does not necessarily mean that someone is a bad parent or lacking in loving care of their child.

To the OP, what you need to do is to unpick is that final part of the sentence: 'off to bed'. You need to find a way of doing that which encourages your baby to move towards self-settling but which also feels right for you.

I suggest you get a copy of the No Cry Sleep Solution and its sister book for Toddlers. The toddler one is useful even though your baby is under 1, as it has some additional material.

[notsofastmrbond]

"Every early childhood study in the world"

[Kiwiinkits]

YABU. Every early childhood study in the world -and common sense - will tell you that children of all ages need to feel a sense of Belonging to thrive. Part of feeling belonging is predictability and stability. A predictable routine is part of that. To deny your children routine, in my opinion, is setting them up to be unstable, chaotic adults. Not fair on them, is it.

Besides, a routine will really help you as a parent if you stick to it.

[A1980]

How does a baby's bedtime routine take all night?

I've cared for my friends children before and seen how they are with them. One of my friends has three. The other has two. With the friend that has three, bathtime is at 7pm and they in bed having a story and light off by 8pm. It can be done in an hour or even less when they were younger. bath, milk, story, bed. They are fine even with me alone, as I babysit them alot as a favour to friends and I don't find it takes all night. A baby doesn' even need a bath everynight. You can give them a quick wash with a flannel.

If you're worried about them not sleeping properly if on one night you aren't able to do it in order. Just imagine the problems you are going toh ave when your 10 month old is older and wont go to bed when they need to be in bed, for school, etc becasue they've never had a routine.

[notsofastmrbond]

I don't recall suggesting you all get your children into bed by 6.15 working9while5

I think I mentioned we work to an early routine in our house.

So, as lovely as it is that you've mentioned you're not home til 6, it's largely irrelevant.

Again, if you need me to spell it out for you, I will. YOU DON'T NEED TO SPEND LONGER THAN TEN MINUTES ON A BEDTIME 'ROUTINE' REGARDLESSS OF HOW MANY CHILDREN YOU HAVE IF YOU CAN FIT IN BATHING THEM AND READING TO THEM OR GENERALLY BEING WITH THEM AT SOME OTHER POINT IN THE DAY.

If you work 5 days a week and only get home at 6 then yes, when else in the week are you going to spend time with them? But that is spending time with your children - it's not bedtime routine, it's just seeing your kids!

[strictlovingmum]

Love it, notsofastmrbond

[working9while5]

6.15!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are only home at 6!

[Maisiethemorningsidecat]

Great Notsofar

[notsofastmrbond]

Reading this thread there seems to be a great deal of disconnect between the meaning of the terms BEDTIME and ROUTINE.

To me, BEDTIME means this: children in bed sleeping by 6.15.

ROUTINE means this: bath, dry, milk, story, lullaby, bed.

Two totally different things IMO.

BEDTIME, in this house, is sacred. ROUTINE is not important.