Thinking baby bedtime routines are b*llocks?

[redbird79]

We have just started trying to be a bit more consistent in our 10mo's bedtime routine. Only problem is that now it takes over my entire evening- bath, supper,story, song/nurse to sleep. I now have less free time than I did before and DS still goes to sleep at roughly the same time- only with more whinging. Sorry, just needed to rant.

My DD is 17 months and goes to bed at 9pm
If it suits you then don't feel you need to make bedtime earlier to please other people. You say you often get a long lie, so presumably your DS is getting sufficient sleep.

FWIW we do have a bedtime routine with DD and it us starting to be effective as generally I just pop her in her cot and she takes herself off to sleep (but she would not have done that at 10 months). We were battering away with trying to get her to go to bed at 7-7.30 for months and months and then a few months ago we just decided to go with what seems to be her natural bedtime so we all have a nice evening, she gets to see DH. She has dinner with us at 7.30, bath at about 8.15, charges around the house naked for a while then into pjs, feed in her room and into her cot.

We found it hard to get our first into a routine, but struggled on and it became much easier with time - so much so that when DC2 arrived when he was 19 months it was very easy to do the 2 together.

It might seem hard now, bit imo it's worth the effort in the long run.

I've just re-read your earlier post. Is DS starting nursery soon? If so then I guess maybe the later bed and later morning might not work for you?

I don't work so it suits me fine that DD sleeps till 8.30 and I think it will be 18 months -2 years before she's starting nursery so I'm fairly confident her routine will change quite a few times in that period!

I see their sleeping as the same as their eating habits, you can do anything you like with them as babies because by the time they hit 2/3 odd, everything changes.

They could have been brilliant at eating fruit and veg, but get to a certain age and most will start pushing to choose not to eat just about everything some things.

Then they stop napping in the day, which naturally makes them more tired at around 7ish, so plenty of time off from the constant talking

I've gone for the easier life second time round, change something if it becomes a problem for you/them.

I remember thinking thiss too, but it gets quicker over time (and you get used to an hour of sorting it all out)

Yeah - but when you get it cracked and babe is solidly asleep by 7 with whole evening ahead of you (without a child!) it rocks. Mind you, wait until you have more than one and they are 8 or so and bedtime starts at 7 and finishes at 9, then come talk to us

YABU.

It is a pain in the ass but will pay off. I have lots of friends with kids the same age. All the children bar one self settle and have a bedtime routine. Rather amusingly despite most of these parents not knowing one another it is the same. Dinner. Play. Bath. PJs. Teeth. Story x 2. Bed.

2 sets of parents sing a twee nighttime song which grumpy lurker refuses to replicate.

I can get all of the kids who do this routine to bed as an occasional babysitter with no drama. I sometimes get taken for a ride / will be indulgent and do 3 stories. Sometimes if there has been horsing around there will be no stories.

The one child who at aged 4 still can't self settle I can't / won't babysit for. He will only go to sleep with his maternal comfort blanket. It is a total nightmare and really limits my lone parent friend. If her son went to sleep like all the other kids I would love to give her a break. But he doesn't so she only every gets to go out once he is asleep (at around 9pm....)

I'm with you DS's tea, bath, bed routine begins at 6:30 and ends at 8:30 if I'm lucky if not I resort to ten minutes cc and feed him again, it does take a huge chunk out of my evening.

We have had the same routine for 5 years and have always had good sleepers who were in bed and asleep at 7pm at that age and by 730pm now at 5 and 3yo. Most of the time it works brilliantly with the exception of holidays when they didn't last long in the evening if we went out or rather the day after having had no sleep However we can put up with the minor inconvenience for the peaceful time all the other nights.
Always bath, downstairs for TV for a bit, upstairs to clean teeth, wee, story and asleep, then

Firstly it's worth saying that if you are happy with your curreent set up then of courseYANBU :) however if you want your evenings back then it will be a week or two of hard work to make that happen. I've got three DCs all under five and they are all in bed by seven. Takes less than an hour to complete the bedtime routine.,I needy evenings though otherwise I'd go mad

I had no routine with mine when they were young. I worked full time too, so for me them going to sleep late was a bonus cos it meant I got to see them.

Fabby I have looked after the dc of parents with the same mindset as a CM and the children were just sooo bad tempered during the day or slept for most of it . Depends on when your hours are I suppose, because shift working you can lie in some mornings etc. The children I minded who had parents working 9-5pm with no routine were like zombies the next day and couldn't be bothered to do anything. Consequently they didn't learn well.

Weren't there things you did the same way every night Fabby?

Well if he's used to going to bed at 10pm, you're not going to be able to change that to 7pm overnight, so I think you have to accept it'll take a week or two to get there but it'll be worth it to get your evenings back and so you can get a babysitter and go out occasionally.

Is there a reason you're still doing a 10pm feed, or is it just a case of you're feeding to sleep so you have to do it if he goes to bed at that time?

YABU

It takes half an hour max and is all things you would do anyway surely?

My dd is 11 mo and it usually only takes 15 min. Bath, get dressed, bottle,bed. She is a greedy puzzle though! She goes straight to sleep, no fuss. Maybe if you have only just introduced a routine then that is the problem?

I think you are being ambitious going from a 10:00 pm bedtime to 7pm! Ds is more or less in a routine now and goes down about 7:15 but it took a while to get here and we were stuck at the 8pm sleep time for ages. I would get your new routine established at his current bed time then bring it forward each day - bearing in mind that you might then have a few days where the routine takes longer while he acclimatises.

Of course, I am speaking as a woman whose baby has been up for an hour and now, at 4am, still isn't looking like he will sleep soon. But this is unusual - I am not sure shy tonight has been so difficult.

Yabu to expect it would work in one night.

DD 8 months: start dinner at 5 so eating around 5:15. Bath at 5:30 then story then bottle at 6 and into bed. So the whole routine takes an hour from starting dinner. The times are approximate but that's pretty much howmit works.

It took two weeks for it to make a true difference.

DS is 4 months now and I started putting him into a routine at about 5 weeks. My mum said I was being 'cruel' but I could already see then that DS was really tired and seemed to have a natural cut-off point time wise. So we start bath time about 6.15/6.30 and we are usually done and he's asleep in his cot just after 7. Obviously in beginning he fed at regular intervals but now he sleeps through until about 7.

I'd love to be able to start the whole process 30 mins later so DH gets to see him more (and vice versa) but he goes a bit mad and practically falls asleep in my arms if I do that so they have to get their time at weekends. We get our evenings together and DS gets a good nights sleep.

It took about 3 weeks I think for him to recognise what we were doing but I think it's good for him now.

I'm not saying YABU because we are all so different in the way we do things like this and different methods seem to suit some people better than others but my dds bedtime routine was an absolute saving grace to me and it is the ONLY advice I ever give new mums if they ask. I would stick with it. A routine takes time to become habit but on the other hand if you don't like "routines" or it does't suit you and your family then don't!

My ds is almost 1yr and I have been very strict with his routine din e hi was 6 weeks old. 7pm was bath and bed time. I tried to make a point of putting him down awake so he would fall asleep himself. I would then go to bed around 10 just in time for his next feed! He didn't sleep through the night until he was about 10 months but it has certainly paid off as I very rarely have any issues with settling him.
You will get there keep going!

My dd2 is 10 weeks and she has already got used to bath at 6.30, bf and then into cot, play the mobile and she goes off to sleep on her own. Took much longer with dd1 but we didn't put her to bed that early until a bit later down the road. Routine is a bit dull but kids seem much better and know what to expect so there is less drama and you get quiet evenings

YABU... persevere. As another LP, bedtime was the only 'fixed' point in DS's day. Feeds and naps were rather more ad hoc but bed-time didn't shift. Came back to bite me in later years when we'd be at some evening event and at 8pm there would be a tug at the sleeve and a sleepy child asking 'I'm tired, can we go now?'... and you have to accept that you might be up earlier in the morning.... but if you want the evening to yourself to unwind, it's a good habit to get into.

I didn't consciously put my DDs into a bedtime routine, but I guess I'm a creature of habit, so with DD1 I just started doing the same stuff, in the same order, every evening. DD2 just slotted into that.

Once it gets to around 5pm (later if we are out) I like just going into automatic pilot - dinner, bath, stories, bed.

That's the time of day I get most tired, so I find the routine (and the knowledge they'll soon be asleep) comforting :o

It's always easy to vary, if necessary. It's not like if we're somewhere without a bath, the world ends.

I can't imagine doing it without a routine of some sort, but that's how I operate.

I must say that having a 10 month old up until 10pm every night doesn't appeal to me, but as long as he gets the sleep he needs, it won't do him any harm.

Children need routine to feel secure and happy. Though personally I think it really doesn't matter too much if the odd bath is missed, or the exact time of laying head to pillow varies a bit - it's more about the bigger things. Knowing they sleep in the same bed and are not pulled from pillar to post every evening around various different locations, or administered to by a string of different people, or expected to sleep in their buggy in the corner of a noisy pub. . There is good (but sensibly flexible) routine, and then their is slavish methodical dogma. The first is wonderful, the second is pointless and soul-destroying. Like everything in life, you need to find the right balance.

Redbird - We did exactly what you do with our DS. He is now 4. I too worried for a short while but it all worked out fine! I am SAHM and DS just started at school nursery and so far so good. He obviouly doesn't go to bed at that time now though! But back then he slept for about 8/9 hours. I am quite chilled, DS is chilled and will slot in with anything tbh. he is a very happy and bright 4 year old and I never did the routine thing