...not to drop-off and collect a neighbour's child from school everyday?

[Greythorne]

I have no idea if I am being unreasonable.

My neighbour (same street, a few doors along) has four children. Two of school age. The oldest is in Yr 1 at the local primary. The second is in Reception at the less local private school, the same school as my Dd.

This is obviously not easy....different drop offs and collections in different locations. One school is 8.25 - 4.15. The other is 9 - 4.30. There is just enough time to get from one school to the other in time, but she has two pre-schoolers, too, so it is not easy.

She was complaining about the logistics and asked me if I could help. I offered to collect her DD from thensame school as my Dd every evening and in Thursdays to take her to her ballet class even though my DD has ballet on a different night.

She accepted this offer but said she really needed help in the mornings.

Given how early school starts and that we have to leave at 8.10 and it is always a tearing hurry of book bags and coats and all the rest of it, I just don't want to have the extra pressure of an extra child to drop off in the morning. She is in a different class but needs to be delivered to the classroom door.

I have said no, but my neighbour is just not letting go. Every night when I drop off her DD, she keeps asking, saying she can lend me a car seat, telling me how complex it is for her, how her husband is away for a few days so he can't help,

I feel really pressured and really pissed off that effectively I will be collecting her Dd from her house (she can't bring her here because of the other smaller DC) and taking her to school every day AND collecting her every day AND taking her and collecting her from ballet.

AIBU?

You should not only say no to the extra help she's asking for, you should back off the help you're already giving her!! Give her a weeks notice that you can't bring home her kid everyday as you and your child may not be coming back everyday - give yourself the option not to be tied down by her kids.

And the first thing to back out of is taking her kid to ballet even on days you dont go.

You have to get tough with her - souonds like she's not much of a friend anyway, so her opinion will not be much of a loss in your life.

And I say this as a mum who had 3 kids at 3 different schools and lots of after school clashes - but that was my choice and my problem to sort out - not my neighbour's!

Some people are unbelievable, n'est-ce pas?!

I'd definitely be finding a way to stop the afternoons too. Like HattiFattner suggested, if your free service becomes disrupted, she may take the hint and look elsewhere. Of course, given how much she's taking the piss she may be oblivious to that kind of subtlety and you may need to start employing some of the excellent and blunt wording given by posters above.

I didn't see whether this lady is French, but having some French family, I know how blunt they often sound to English ears, and consequently realise that they find us too indirect on occasions. It may well be that a very blunt "non" will do the trick!

Best of luck sorting it out!

I cannot believe you are still taking her kid to ballet on a day yours doesn't even go! Honestly, grow a pair. Tell her to take a long walk on a short pier.

Really, she is taking the piss, as you know. And 8.30/9 am starts! bloody hell, half the day is gone. I hade 4 children in 4 different places, and had to get them all out by 7.30. tbh, mornings were a bit erm shouty, but it's not that bloody challenging.

She is being ridiculous. I honestly hate confrontation, but then I also really hate feeling like I'm being taken for a mug. I wouldn't do the afternoons either, partly on principle, she is being rude, cheeky and ungrateful, but also partly because it must be extra hassle. What happens if you want to do something spontaneous? SO your child misses out.

I would def. go with what the others have said and say no to everything now. If you look at the logistics, It's really not that hard for her to just do it herself. And my dh is away loads too. So what? COllecting the kids from school and getting them there by 9! Bloody hell, she doesn't know she's born.

It would piss me off no end you doing so much and her still griping.
Nonnonnonnonnnonnonnonnonnonnonnonnonnon

Just stop doing the afternoon runs then she won't be able to get to you anymore to mention the mornings.

I'm very unsure as to your motivation for doing this. I appreciate you are a nice person, but would you do her washing because there's so much (as she has 4 kids) or her shopping as she's tired (from having 4 kids)-it sounds like the sort of thing my (martyr-like) MIL would do and then spend her entire life moaning about it-only to get totally exploited with nore and nore demands an get so pissed off 3 years down the line that she blows a gasket, falls out with the person and never speaks to them again. I, on the other hand, wouldn't do it in the first place and probably stay on amicable terms with the person forever without feeling used.

Where do you see it stopping if you carry on doing the afternoons? Do you not have better things to be doing?

My mum is French and I agree with what stabiliser15 said.

I do not think you are being a mug in being a good neighbour to her, just be very clear with her how much you actually want to do.

I don't think that doing a good turn for someone is ever a waste of time, even if they do not appreciate it, it is doing your soul good!