STBX wanting more contact with Daughter

[btsmummy]

Hi,

Thought I'd post here as well s the Divorce section, hopefully it's OK.

I have been separated from my H for just over 4 years and have just started divorce proceedings.

He moved out when we split and paid the mortgage and all the bills, along with the running costs for my car as I was at home with our then 18 month old daughter.

She is now nearly 6 and he has seen her on a weekday and on a Saturday every week since, they have been on holiday together, so there have been times when she has spent a week with him. They have a great relationship and to be fair he is a very good dad and she loves her time with him.

We have always got on very well, and many times we did family things at the weekend when he came to see our daughter (i am still in the FMH), we also continued to sleep together up until the beginning of last year when it became obvious we weren't going to reconcile, thing have been a bit frosty since but got slowly better and we started having family days out again (tho not sleeping together), that was up until this May.

He is now asking for more contact with our daughter and is asking for overnight stays, one during the week so he can pick her up from school and drop her off the next morning, and overnights at the weekends, he has said he would like 3 overnight stays a week so he can spend more time with her, possibly 4 the next, amount to equal care. I have said he can't have this but I have offered him 1 overnight every other weekend, with the usual midweek after school and weekend daytime in between. I also told him I won't discuss it any further and that he needs to speak to my solicitor.

Do you think he has any realistic chance of this, as I've told him we'll have to go to court as I won't agree it?

Thanks

B

The OP on this thread seems to have vanished. The OP on the other arrives seeking advice with a deliberately objectionable username.
Both post as the other half in a dispute. Both do so in a type of experiment in order to gauge responses to their respective stories. Both stories are pretty generic stuff.
Anyone considered the possibility that they are one and the same or two wind up merchants from the same stable?

I really hope you get this worked out OP, it's got to be a tough time for you and your daughter.

Again, too many mean spirited people on this thread using it as a plinth for personal gain.

Sgb, have you considered that he doesn't know her reasons? No of course not, because that would then ruin your whole argument. The other OP may have been called on posting as a reverse aibu, but in no way did she receive the same level of vitriol aimed at her.

You have projected many assumptions onto this op and have posted according to these biased opinions.

It is quite astounding that you can't see the inequality in the treatment of the two posters.

Tyr, to be honest they could be one and the same. They could both be the same man or same woman. On the other hand they could both be genuine. Who knows. It doesn't take away the fact that they have highlighted the shoddy treatment that some posters receive due to their sex.

I haven't vanished, nor am I the other OP, I have read every post.

This thread stopped being about the original post many pages ago. So I decided to stop posting on it, if I say I have no idea why she's taking this stance, someone will say that I must do, most likely that I must have caused it due to my personality failings as a man.

There has been some with sensible advice, I've taken on board the posts that are helpful, and ignored the ones that aren't, at the end of the day, the only one that will suffer in all of this is our daughter.

Op do you think maybe she has met someone else and this is why she is backing off from family days out etc

Yes I do, but can't say for definite.

I think as she's probably got used to the access you've had in the past but now you arnt having the family days etc you feel that you arnt seeing as much of your daughter as you would like?

I haven't gone through all the posts as I got fed up of the man bashing so can't remember if you had regular over night access or if this is a new thing

I think i remember you saying that you had an over night visit planned? If this is the case and over night visits are a new thing it might be best for you to go slowly rather than push straight for 3 nights aweek, hopefully If you can come to an agreement of an over night visit once a week or once a fortnight and then slowly build on that

I know it's a pain in the arse and I feel she is being unreasonable but it is better for you and dd if you are able to maintain a reasonably amicable relationship with your ex

Thanks M,

I have my first overnight this weekend, I got dd to choose her new bedset last week and she saw it during the week. She is as excited as I am.

1 overnight every other weekend is all she is allowing at present.

Your first sentence is spot on, before, I was able to see dd a lot more, but the way things are it's now only midweek and 1 day on the weekend. I do now tho pick her up from school on my midweek day and drop her off later, I asked ExW if I could have her overnight and drop her back at school next day, she said no, even though this would mean I don't have to go to the FMH to drop her off. One minute she doesn't want me going round there, but will let me if it suits.

I would talk to her about more overnights, but she refuses to discuss it and has referred me to her solicitor, I have a letter prepared to send to them, but will wait to send it until next week, although when it comes to patience I have none when it comes to seeing my dd.

Hope it all works out for you, my eldest two go to their dads two nights a week and ds1 also goes for dinner once in the week. They both go down more in holidays and were all pritty flexible about contact, it wasn't like that in the beginning though and took some time to work out.

Even though you have been separated a long time things have obviously changed for you both and it's all a new situation again if that makes sense? I think it will just take some time for things to settle

BT , as I said many posts ago I had trouble with my XP agreeing to over nights. Slightly different as my dd was 2, but once it started and dd was happy as larry coming over she couldn't really complain.

I was in tears after the first overnight after I'd taken her home. I'd listened for months about how upsetting it would be for dd, and the little soldier just took it all in her stride.

XP also suddenly had overseas work commitments so it became very convenient that dd could come and stay with me. All her objections just vaporized.

I really don't think you'll have a problem getting more access. Your XW is being very unreasonable.

Bt, glad you came back. Hope you have a lovely time with dd and that it works out in the best way possible. Sorry for derailing your thread!

No need to be sorry, I appreciate your support, thanks for your comments, and thanks to MrGin too, all the best for the future. Thanks to everyone for the feedback.

I hope it works out, for both dd and I, I'm certain it will, dd has asked many times to come stay.

I shall update this thread when the situation is resolved, though I doubt it'll be any time soon!

Take care