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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a night out with out DH

109 replies

heathermumof3 · 10/09/2011 21:28

Next Friday I am going to see a very known stand up. I am going with a couple of girls from work. However they are wanting to have a few drinks before and after. Normally if we go out my DH comes with me just down to the local.

Now if I do manage to get out I normally get my parents to watch the kids. This is so the DH does not pull his face and also I can have a little lie in to get over a hangover over.

But next Friday my mum can't watch the kids. My DH says he us fine going to the stand up but does not want me having a drink after as I he says I shouldn't be late home.

I'm gutted as looking forward to letting my hair down a little. AIBU to want to stay out a little late and have a few drinks.

OP posts:
Dialsmavis · 10/09/2011 23:12

*give in

Original poster
heathermumof3 · 10/09/2011 23:13

My oldest is not biologically his but he has not treated him any different. My oldest DS is my DH farther

OP posts:
WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 10/09/2011 23:15

My oldest DS is my DH farther

Huh?!

AgentZigzag · 10/09/2011 23:15

Do you honestly feel your parents would rather you kept up the illusion of being completely happy in your marriage because they willingly helped you out with some cash?

Or would they be concerned for you and want to offer you support and even just someone who knows your DH to talk to?

hairylights · 10/09/2011 23:44

He would lock you out ?

All of this is disgraceful on his part.

Original poster
heathermumof3 · 10/09/2011 23:49

He has read all this and is now really angry but nothing I have said is not true. Except that sone times when I went out he would pick me up so that's why he didn't want me stay out late. Got to go Sad

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 10/09/2011 23:53

Heather, please come back and let us know you are okay. I am seeing massive great big red flags and someone like your DH reading this could be very worrying.

Please come back to the thread, even if it's just to say "I'm okay".

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 10/09/2011 23:57

He was a moody knob before you married and he's got worse because he reckons marriage has given him the title deeds to control your life.

He's a twat of the first water.

If he's looking after the dc, he's not in a positon to pick you up and - guess what - you're a big girl now and quite capable of making your own way home when you have decided that your evening out is at an end.

Go out and either stay out or simply break into your home if he's locked you out.

And make an appointment with a solicitor to discuss your grounds for divorce because you sure as hell have got a lot to choose from.

GlitterySkulls · 11/09/2011 00:04

that sounds rather sinister, op.

hope you're alright.

AgentZigzag · 11/09/2011 00:15

I suppose I might be angry if I was a controlling person and posters on an internet forum, who have no vested interest to give anything other than their anonymous opinion, came to a consensus that I was behaving very shabbily towards my DP.

LikeACandleButNotQuite · 11/09/2011 00:22

In the words of a wise Mumsnetter, "what the actual fuck?"

It is ridiculous for this man to think that he can 'parent' his wife in this manner. What a twunt. How dare he guilt trip her into living a less enjoyable life in order to satisfy his own wishes. Does he not realise that he married a grown woman, not a teenager with curfews?

I hope OP's H realises that he is being completely unreasonable, and what she is asking of him in terms of childcare on a morning after a night out is par for the course wrt to parenting? Certainly her 'D'H has already had it easy as OP seems to have their children babysat on her nights out: that should be DH's domain! I am Angry on her behalf.

OP, please do not allow him to make you feel guilty for this, and I would suggest stopping arranging childcare on the rare nights you go out alone. Your DH put half his genes into these children, he needs to realise that he should put half the effort into rasing them.

If your marriage is not working, please do not allow the fact you have children tie you to a lifestyle you cannot bear: surely you don't want them thinking his behaviour and expectations are 'typical' for married life.

Sookeh · 11/09/2011 02:52

He's not a good dad if he's prepared to treat the mother of his children the way he's treating you.

I am Angry and Sad on your behalf OP.

You need to stand up for yourself, your children need to grow up to know that his controlling behaviour is not ok!

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 11/09/2011 08:01

Oh shit! Hope you're OK OP.

EricNorthmansMistress · 11/09/2011 08:23

Controlling, pathetic knob of a man.

Original poster
heathermumof3 · 11/09/2011 08:36

I'm ok thank you. Arguments went on last night but all sorted now. Where working through it.

OP posts:
WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 11/09/2011 08:39

Glad to hear you are OK.

Did you show him the thread or did he just find it?

Hopefully this will be a good thing and you can change things for the better.

EricNorthmansMistress · 11/09/2011 08:41

all sorted now? Hmm

Good luck, OP. I hope he hasn't just placated you until you give in for an easy life.

Runlolarun · 11/09/2011 09:18

This is a horrible situation. My husband had an affair. Which I thought was the worst thing that could happen in a relationship. However what your husband is doing is far far worse. Sorry for you :(

BoneyBackJefferson · 11/09/2011 11:20

nice to know that when a woman asks a partner not to come in late, drunk and making noise he is a selfish twat.

when the situation is reversed the bloke is a controlling twat.

MrsGravy · 11/09/2011 11:27

Well gosh mrheathermumof3 BoneyBackJefferson, I wonder if you have any connection to the OP?

BoneyBackJefferson · 11/09/2011 11:32

just caught up with the drip feed so I'm hiding the thread.

pinkyredrose · 11/09/2011 11:51

BoneyBackJefferson where does the OP say anything about her partner not wanting her to come in late and make a noise?

Are you reading the same thread as the rest of us?

FabbyChic · 11/09/2011 11:55

Tell him no worries you will stay at a mates house.

AgentZigzag · 11/09/2011 11:58

It's an update not a drip feed, Boney.

Are you going to have a go and not letting him treat you like that in future heather?

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 11/09/2011 12:56

Wow someone's got issues! Yes BoneyBackJefferson, that's you.

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