To have a night out with out DH

[heathermumof3]

Next Friday I am going to see a very known stand up. I am going with a couple of girls from work. However they are wanting to have a few drinks before and after. Normally if we go out my DH comes with me just down to the local.

Now if I do manage to get out I normally get my parents to watch the kids. This is so the DH does not pull his face and also I can have a little lie in to get over a hangover over.

But next Friday my mum can't watch the kids. My DH says he us fine going to the stand up but does not want me having a drink after as I he says I shouldn't be late home.

I'm gutted as looking forward to letting my hair down a little. AIBU to want to stay out a little late and have a few drinks.

[bringbacksideburns]

What on earth does he think would happen after 12, that couldn't happen before??

It is really important not not live in each others pockets and to go out occasionally independently, i feel. If he can't cope with this ONCE OR TWICE A YEAR then he has a problem and he needs to stop resenting/controlling the time you spend with your friends.

If you don't get him to address this now, it will get much worse.

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

It was nothing to do with not coming home drunk and making a noise it was not staying out late.

So what the fuck is it to do with? His insecurities? Funny how many controlling twats are usually sad inadequate little tossers, yet women still fall for them and their bullshit.

First and foremost you are your own person, and you should never compromise your integrity in order to fulfil the various roles that you are required to play in your life and in those of others.

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

He does sounds to me Heather like a man who just doesn't want to look after his own kids.

If you go out they have to go to your mums, he won't look after them the next morning and of course the other read that I mentioned earlier where he didn't want to stay in hospital with his sick child. I'm betting there has been more.

Sometimes it's not what the problem is this time but what it all adds up to together. If I were you I would think back, make a list if it helps and think if this is really likely to change because if it's been going on for years then I can't see it happening.

[MardyArsedMidlander]

Jeez even my Dad used to let me stay out late....

[buzzskillington]

As long as it's not you doing all the compromising and apologising.

[heathermumof3]

We have spoken and where working through it. He knows he was in the wrong. It was nothing to do with not coming home drunk and making a noise it was not staying out late.

Divorce is the last resort. So hopefully with talking and trying to sort out our differences it will not come to that.

Thank you all.

[ike1]

Dont give your handbag to strangers to hold????? Thats just soooooo crazily odd

[Anniegetyourgun]

I used to be married to one of those. About once every second month I'd go out for a pizza with a bunch of ex-colleagues, might have a glass or two of wine if I wasn't driving (I'm a very moderate drinker ), and would be home by 11.30 at the latest. It would be the third degree, how many men will be there, don't come home pissed, don't give your handbag to any strangers to hold, and the old chestnut I'm only saying this because I worry about you. After the event it would be the third degree all over again, with special reference to what male persons might have been present.

Note the "used to be married".

[eurochick]

I have just seen this thread for the first time but agree with what most other people are saying about him being a controlling twat.

Also, why is it that usually when you go out your parents have to look after the kids and this situation seems to have blown up this time when he is being asked to look after his own children.

Go out next Friday, have fun and work on developing your backbone - for your own good as well as that of your kids.

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

Wow someone's got issues! Yes BoneyBackJefferson, that's you.

[AgentZigzag]

It's an update not a drip feed, Boney.

Are you going to have a go and not letting him treat you like that in future heather?

[FabbyChic]

Tell him no worries you will stay at a mates house.

[pinkyredrose]

BoneyBackJefferson where does the OP say anything about her partner not wanting her to come in late and make a noise?

Are you reading the same thread as the rest of us?

[BoneyBackJefferson]

just caught up with the drip feed so I'm hiding the thread.

[MrsGravy]

Well gosh mrheathermumof3 BoneyBackJefferson, I wonder if you have any connection to the OP?

[BoneyBackJefferson]

nice to know that when a woman asks a partner not to come in late, drunk and making noise he is a selfish twat.

when the situation is reversed the bloke is a controlling twat.

[Runlolarun]

This is a horrible situation. My husband had an affair. Which I thought was the worst thing that could happen in a relationship. However what your husband is doing is far far worse. Sorry for you :(

[EricNorthmansMistress]

all sorted now?

Good luck, OP. I hope he hasn't just placated you until you give in for an easy life.

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

Glad to hear you are OK.

Did you show him the thread or did he just find it?

Hopefully this will be a good thing and you can change things for the better.

[heathermumof3]

I'm ok thank you. Arguments went on last night but all sorted now. Where working through it.

[EricNorthmansMistress]

Controlling, pathetic knob of a man.

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

Oh shit! Hope you're OK OP.

[Sookeh]

He's not a good dad if he's prepared to treat the mother of his children the way he's treating you.

I am and on your behalf OP.

You need to stand up for yourself, your children need to grow up to know that his controlling behaviour is not ok!

[LikeACandleButNotQuite]

In the words of a wise Mumsnetter, "what the actual fuck?"

It is ridiculous for this man to think that he can 'parent' his wife in this manner. What a twunt. How dare he guilt trip her into living a less enjoyable life in order to satisfy his own wishes. Does he not realise that he married a grown woman, not a teenager with curfews?

I hope OP's H realises that he is being completely unreasonable, and what she is asking of him in terms of childcare on a morning after a night out is par for the course wrt to parenting? Certainly her 'D'H has already had it easy as OP seems to have their children babysat on her nights out: that should be DH's domain! I am on her behalf.

OP, please do not allow him to make you feel guilty for this, and I would suggest stopping arranging childcare on the rare nights you go out alone. Your DH put half his genes into these children, he needs to realise that he should put half the effort into rasing them.

If your marriage is not working, please do not allow the fact you have children tie you to a lifestyle you cannot bear: surely you don't want them thinking his behaviour and expectations are 'typical' for married life.

[AgentZigzag]

I suppose I might be angry if I was a controlling person and posters on an internet forum, who have no vested interest to give anything other than their anonymous opinion, came to a consensus that I was behaving very shabbily towards my DP.