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AIBU?

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To think that my house purchaser is a ....

145 replies

FellatioNelson · 08/09/2011 22:16

full on mentalist?

There are so many things to tell you I need to drip feed them. First, I warned her that as it is a very old house there are bats in the attic, as there are in most old country houses. You never see them, except outside, at dusk. You never hear them. But they are there, and they are protected. She asked if she could come and stand in my loft with a torch to see if any of them swooped around her, because she couldn't cope if they did, and she was worried they might escape into the house.

Then there were the gyspies that we don't have. Our house is surrounded by privately owned (not by us) land. She started to worry that our next door neighbour who owns the land might allow gypsies onto it. Hmm I said that the very reason he bought the land around his house (some from the farmer and some from the church) is to make sure that gypsies wouldn't go on it at any point in the future. Keeping some control, see? I have never seen a gypsy within ten miles of here. But still she fretted. And fretted.

And there is more......

OP posts:
Oakmaiden · 09/09/2011 09:54

What shall I do if they arrive before all monies have cleared and/or before twelve? I am within my rights to send them away, and they won't wait. She'll have to re-book for another day.

Not your problem if she has to rebook for another day.

Do let us know how the move goes! She sounds delightfully bonkers.

SarahStratton · 09/09/2011 10:02

You don't have to let her, or her staff/furniture etc, in until the money has cleared. Just tell your agent to deal with her, and make sure the keys are with them.

Removal companies are used to this. They will happily sit and wait until the money has cleared and the house actually belongs to her. And she is stark raving bonkers to have booked people in to do work on moving day. Absolutely batshit crazy.

Make sure someone in authority knows you have bats, I've no idea who it should be though. They are protected.

starlingsintheslipstream · 09/09/2011 10:03

Good grief! Have read this thread in disbelief! She is a nightmare - talk about pushy! You've been really accomodating - not sure I would have done the same. Good luck with the move.

Sidge · 09/09/2011 10:04

OK Fellatio I know you're moving house and going overseas and all but please please update us later to let us know what Mad Buyer Lady got up to today.

I have visions of her swanning around directing hoardes of staff, and phoning Fellatio asking her how you flush the toilet and open the back door.

chinam · 09/09/2011 10:05

Hope all goes well with the move today. at leaving a full roast dinner.

DawnTiggaWeirdyBeardy · 09/09/2011 10:06

THIS is my phrase of the week:

being more cheeky than fucking Cheeky McFucking Cheek

WandersOffChucklingAndHopingItAllGoesWellTiggaxx

Jacaqueen · 09/09/2011 10:14

Good luck with it all.

If I was moving into a house like yours I would spend the first day (month) running round opening up doors, dancing round rooms, sliding down the banister, squealing at the top of my voice, 'It's mine all mine'!

Imagine being married to, or parented by, someone as anal as her.

SpringHeeledJack · 09/09/2011 10:16

fab drip feed, btw, with a qwaliteee ramp up of tension

ExitPursuedByATroll · 09/09/2011 10:18

Hope the move went well.

When we last moved, the removal company let us down and only sent one van not two, so we ended up leaving some stuff in the garage to be collected the next day. Our removal men brought the new owners' metal bed frame with them by mistake. Whoops.

Cocoflower · 09/09/2011 10:21

Am I the only one how thinks this.... not that UR?! Grin

See on the flip side, I would suppose I would just be glad to have found a buyer in this market and take all the this behaviour is a clear indicator that she won't be pulling out last minute. So annoying behaviour from her, but far better than people pulling out or threating too (we got 1 day of our honeymoon thanks to idiots like this. 1 day... but thats another story)

SpringHeeledJack · 09/09/2011 10:33

I'm selling and buying a house and wouldn't dream of getting delivery/trades people into the house I'm buying before I'd actually moved in

I wouldn't expect my buyers to do it, either

it's just not done

aquashiv · 09/09/2011 10:42

Why is she having all this contact with you? Do you not have an agent/solicitor to deal with the nutter?

aquashiv · 09/09/2011 10:43

Stop taking her calls.

startwig1982 · 09/09/2011 10:46

I am beside myself with wanting to know what happened next...
When we were selling our house, our first buyer, who thankfully pulled out, walked dog poo through the house!! Over my beautifully especially cleaned carpets.... Angry

Al0uiseG · 09/09/2011 11:48

It's coming up to the magical midday point. I imagine Fellatio to be having a hefty swig of gin, trying to stuff more and more gear into her car and shouting at the removal boys to "please be careful with that box, it's holding my poncetastic Christmas".

As she screeches off down the lane Lady buyer and her husband will be trundling up followed by a posse of removal vans, a gardener, a plumber, a decorator, an electrician, a cleaning lady and her friend. They will sweep into the drive put the key into the lock and discover a pair of Fellatio's knickers draped forlornly on the hall floor. They will have fallen out of her jeans this morning :o

DawnTiggaWeirdyBeardy · 09/09/2011 11:58

Al0uiseG that gave me a much needed giggle.

NowToSortOutMyRoomTiggaxx

mistressploppy · 09/09/2011 12:00

Oooh! It's 12 noon!

SDTGisAnEvilGenius · 09/09/2011 12:03

Good Lord what a nutter!

Fellatio - you should have done her a looooong, instructional video on how to turn the boiler on and off. Using very short words, and with close-ups of the switch from all angles. Grin

Fingers crossed that the move goes well. I absolutely hate moving house - we had to do it twice in 6 months when we moved to Scotland, because we went into a rented house whilst we househunted for one to buy. I get this awful mental paralysis when faced with boxes needing unpacking - I know that I am going to have to find places to put everything I take out of the box, and somehow it seems far easier (and tidier) just to leave it all in the box.

Luckily dh is the opposite, and each time we've moved, he's been a positive whirlwind, unpacking all the boxes - and then I just have to follow in his wake, putting everything into the right places, as opposed to where he's put them.

I never want to move house again.

oldraver · 09/09/2011 12:17

When I got to the cleaner bit I had a vision in my head of opposing cleaners having a clean off

ThatVikRinA22 · 09/09/2011 12:27

love it!

the number of times ive sat in the removal van outside a new house looking at my watch with a mobile phone in hand (and once - a rat on my knee. (ds pet rat i should clarify))

the woman is indeed a mentalist!

i do hope fellatio has mobile internet cos im itching to know what happened as the clock struck 12....

Al0uiseG · 09/09/2011 12:34

She might not have Internet yet at the new place!!! I'll give her til 5 then I'll phone for an update and relay the situation to the thread!

wilbur · 09/09/2011 12:38

Really hilarious, Fellatio, she's a loon. I'm enjoying the thought of her decorator standing in your driveway with a pot of pink paint. Best of luck with the move - hope it all goes ok.

eurochick · 09/09/2011 12:42

Gosh. What a fruitloop.

When we moved into the current place, due to some cock up somewhere at the bank, the money for my purchase got lost in the ether and didn't clear until 5pm. I was just arranging with my movers to have my furniture put in storage and booking a hotel for the night. I hope her decorator can paint quickly if she's planning on sending him in on completion day...

SnapesMistress · 09/09/2011 13:55

What a mentalist.

Shamelessly marking my place for tales of moving day bonkersness :o

Merrin · 09/09/2011 14:45

Bonkers! :o

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