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AIBU?

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To think that my house purchaser is a ....

145 replies

FellatioNelson · 08/09/2011 22:16

full on mentalist?

There are so many things to tell you I need to drip feed them. First, I warned her that as it is a very old house there are bats in the attic, as there are in most old country houses. You never see them, except outside, at dusk. You never hear them. But they are there, and they are protected. She asked if she could come and stand in my loft with a torch to see if any of them swooped around her, because she couldn't cope if they did, and she was worried they might escape into the house.

Then there were the gyspies that we don't have. Our house is surrounded by privately owned (not by us) land. She started to worry that our next door neighbour who owns the land might allow gypsies onto it. Hmm I said that the very reason he bought the land around his house (some from the farmer and some from the church) is to make sure that gypsies wouldn't go on it at any point in the future. Keeping some control, see? I have never seen a gypsy within ten miles of here. But still she fretted. And fretted.

And there is more......

OP posts:
Morloth · 09/09/2011 03:53

Gosh and I felt a bit weird getting the agent to ask if the downstairs aircon did the whole are or should we get another installed before summer.

Al0uiseG · 09/09/2011 07:04

I wonder if there is a Bridezilla term for people who are moving? Housezilla? Movezilla? Psychozilla?

FellatioNelson · 09/09/2011 07:15

I have handed my keys to the agent and told them on no account is she to have a forwarding address. Thank FUCK she doesn't have my mobile number.

OP posts:
nomoreheels · 09/09/2011 07:15

Why oh why did you give her your phone number? Situations like this one are the reason everything should be filtered through the estate agent. Tis a chance to get them to actually earn their fee, too.

FellatioNelson · 09/09/2011 07:16

and I am not going to answer my landline this morning, just in case she wants me to rustle up a roast and leave it in the oven for them.

OP posts:
Al0uiseG · 09/09/2011 07:18

Good luck this morning, hope everything gets packed up smoothly xxx

StealthPolarBear · 09/09/2011 07:30

make sure you clean the toilet thoroughly - she likes the pine scenty stuff amd to have the toilet roll folded into a point

Al0uiseG · 09/09/2011 07:37

I wouldn't worry about that, by 2 pm the toilets will be ripped out and Fired earth ones installed in their place, a joiner will be on hand to see to any boxing and a tiler will swoosh on the new tiles by bath time.

The decorator will, of course, be on hand to splash some Farrow and Ball on the walls, she's invited the neighbours for dinner tomorrow night Wink

If you could just rustle up a cold starter and prep the veg that would be marvellous Fellatio.

MrsSchadenfreude · 09/09/2011 07:40

I am shrieking, Fellatio!! You really do need to meet my friend in your new country. I think you will get on so well as you are both "bats"...

StealthPolarBear · 09/09/2011 07:43

oh yes that's true. Maybe just disconnect the soil pipe on your way out....save her staff a job

SpringHeeledJack · 09/09/2011 08:10

oh god

it got worse

how awful

SuePurblybilt · 09/09/2011 08:18

Clearly quite bats. I agree she will stalk you until the end of time, do not risk her having a forwarding address. Prime everyone who knows you in the village not to give it out.

KittyFane · 09/09/2011 08:27

This is mad! The woman has practically moved in!!!!

So, exchange day is today? tomorrow ? She has all of her 'people' booked in for Friday?!

Well she'd blinking well keep her toes crossed that the money transfers on time.

Will you be there OP or have you gone? If you have gone,
Your estate agent needs to know NOT to hand over the keys until money is in your bank. She will pester them to death!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/09/2011 08:28

Too funny... best thread so far this year. :-D

KittyFane · 09/09/2011 08:28

Sorry, Friday!!! I am a day behind :( !

tereasagreen · 09/09/2011 08:29

I've read this thread and feel sure this isn't about the house. She just wants to be your friend, I fear.

KittyFane · 09/09/2011 08:29

Plleeeeaaaassse come and update us later!! :o

schobe · 09/09/2011 09:01

Ah was worth it in the end.

I hope you're turning away tradespeople as we type.

Why not leave a big notice by the boiler entitled 'instruction manual'. Then have it read 'To switch boiler on, move switch to ON position' then a big arrow pointing to the switch.

Merrin · 09/09/2011 09:01

I have to say that your house sounds lovely!

UterusUterusGhali · 09/09/2011 09:21

Hope it goes ok today.

DillyTante · 09/09/2011 09:21

Nuts! Stand your ground today! Good luck with the move.

SpringHeeledJack · 09/09/2011 09:37

didn't you say you were going somewhere Forrin?

good thing too, I reckon

mistlethrush · 09/09/2011 09:45

Hope the move goes well and you keep the hoards of minions at bay until the money's transferred sucessfully! Grin

Eglu · 09/09/2011 09:47

She sounds like an absolute nutter. Definitely send away her staff if they turn up before money goes through.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 09/09/2011 09:49

ControllyMcControlFreak

Deffo a mentalist

Wait for the phone call tonight when she and her DH want to try out the bedroom...

Shock Hmm gah! Shock

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