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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think baby showers are completely ridiculous?

279 replies

woowoo2 · 08/09/2011 10:31

I didn't have a baby shower (ds is 6 now) as it wasn't the 'done thing' back then. My real friends saw me throughout my pregnancy, picked up lovely little trinkets and outfits when the mood took them etc.

I didn't ever expect gifts or any sort of fuss, I mean - you have chosen to have a baby, surely the onus is on you to buy your moses basket etc (I have seen several given as gifts at baby showers and was Shock )

AIBU to think they are ridiculous, boring as hell and rather cheeky?

OP posts:
Original poster
woowoo2 · 08/09/2011 13:24

Insomnia11 I don't think that referring to baby showers as ridiculous is dictating.......

OP posts:
shineynewthings · 08/09/2011 13:27

I suppose at the end of the day you're only going to object to them if you've not had one.

CaptainNancy · 08/09/2011 13:27

From what I've seen, they seem crass, and fetishising of baby's arrival. Why would my female friends necessarily want to prepare for my baby's arrival, particularly if they have no intention of ever having children, or worse still cannot have any themselves?

MeconiumHappens · 08/09/2011 13:36

Hahaha@Brokenmarrow's special small baby shower. Now THAT would be ridiculous Wink
I went to a baby shower recently and it was cheesy but fun. Cake, baby related cheesy party games and lots of gossip and fun. There was no crass gift list of expectations of guests. It was lovely.
Its like any event, it can be made into a 'gift list' type affair, or not, depending on the person throwing it. I would NEVER throw my own, cringe, or have a gift list!

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 08/09/2011 13:55

CaptainNancy that is another thing I agree with - how does it feel for someone trying for ages to conceive, having lost a child, having a child with SN after a traumatic birth, etc? Probably best just not to invite them I guess...

roundtable · 08/09/2011 14:10

LieIns wouldn't that same rule apply to children's birthday parties, christenings etc?

I think the sort of people who would expect presents, organise their own would be the sort of people who would do that for everything. So AIBU to hate birthdays/wedding/christmas/insert your own because people are grabby and greedy? Surely that only applies to a minority of selfish people and they would be like that whether it was a baby shower or a birthday?

If you don't want a/want to go to a baby shower then don't! If you suspect that the person's baby shower you are going to is being grabby, then decline the invite! I really don't see what the problem is.

AbsDuWolef · 08/09/2011 14:19

roundtable - you'd be AMAZED at the number of people on MN who think weddings are greedy and grabby. AMAZED

CaptainNancy · 08/09/2011 14:21

perhaps this is the time to say that I feel in the main weddings are greedy and grabby too? Wink

AbsDuWolef · 08/09/2011 14:22

Here's one from just last week.

Someone really vents their hatred of weddings in the last few pages.

LSAR · 08/09/2011 14:40

It is not for me but each to their own if a bestfriend had one I would support her by being their for sure.

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 08/09/2011 14:40

I dunno roundtable, it's just something to do with the baby being not even born yet, it wouldn't seem so strange to me if it were afterwards. I wouldn't invite childless people to a child's birthday party, and I have not much experience with Christenings, but they are a more longstanding tradition in the UK than baby showers, although I guess there must still be some awkward situations sometimes.

Sookeh · 08/09/2011 14:42

My very heavily pregnant friend had an Ann Summers party instead! ConfusedGrin

roundtable · 08/09/2011 14:54

Oh Abs I have seen those threads about hatred for weddings, don't get it myself, I love a wedding but I guess if I was surrounded by grabby greedy people I might feel differently (and question my judgement of my choice of friends, family's different, you're stuck with them!) I've been to couple of horrendous weddings (family so not through choice) but still managed to have a good time because I like to find the enjoyable/funny parts and cling onto them for dear life! (I think wine helps a lot too)

LieIns I understand what you are saying and it can be a sensitive/delicate subject but I think with all celebratory types of events you run the risk of upsetting someone, due to their own sad circumstances. It would be a very bleak world if we didn't celebrate any milestones/events in case we upset someone.

I have actually been part of a baby shower which we organised for after the birth as they were born so prematurely. She was thrilled.

PinkFondantFancy · 08/09/2011 15:12

It all depends what it's like I suppose. A casual get together with friends for gossip and cake sounds lovely. However, a crass party with contrived party games and an expectation of bringing presents is my idea of hell. I'd be mortified if my friends organised me one. So I guess in summary I like the idea of getting together with my friends, but not having an afternoon that's all 'mememe' IYSWIM.

OhdearNigel · 08/09/2011 15:19

I think it rather depends on what the spirit of the shower is - I held one for my best friend, we gave her a few small gifts but it was just a nice afternoon for us old friends to get together, have a glass of champagne, stuff ourselves with cake and have a natter. 3 of us were pregnant at the time so it was really nice.

thestringcheeseincident · 08/09/2011 15:26

I think they're nice. I haven't had them but all my aussie relatives do and they're sweet. Not naff games, but cake, sandwiches, tea and champagne, some baby chatter. A good catch up with mates. What's not to like?
Oh that's right, it's because they're American.

Bue · 08/09/2011 15:35

And Mumsnet's particularly nasty brand of anti-Americanism rears its ugly head yet again...

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 08/09/2011 15:37

No, again the American thing has been jumped on. Tea, cakes and a chat = fine, but the whole 'baby shower' party with invites and balloons and naff games and present expectation is a whole different ball game that has been imported from America to the delight of the party paraphernalia companies.

It's as weird as throwing a 'moving house shower' or a 'wedding that we haven't actually had yet' shower.

roundtable · 08/09/2011 15:49

Don't they go by the name of leaving party and hen do?! Grin

Now hen parties, that's a whole other thread. I've declined to wear sparkly willies on my head on more than one occasion and the one that involved strippers and baby oil I just didn't go to.

fatlazymummy · 08/09/2011 15:50

I wouldn't call them ridiculous but they do seem unnecessary to me. I never expected to be spoilt or have presents bought for me when I was pregnant and I don't feel the need to do it for other people either. A gift for the baby when it is born is sufficient IMO.
Of course it is always nice to get together with friends but I think it is the gift giving [and party games if they happen] that seems a bit OTT.

littlemonkeybix · 08/09/2011 15:52

I thought the "British" version was always after the birth when you wet the baby's head.... not the christening, but in the pub... or in your house with a good glug of wine! Grin

I loathe the title of "baby shower", so when my pip pops out, I am going to invite all my chums and family to my house to "wet the baby's head". Whether your poison is tea or tequila, and no gifts expected at all... just a celebration probably involving a few butties! Is that just northern of me??!

(OK it'll be OH doing to inviting, as we always saw that as the tradition, but ykwim)

littlemonkeybix · 08/09/2011 15:53

and as the OH said to me... "isn't it a bit unfair to get all your mates round to get pissed, while you have a lemo - we're wetting the baby's head after it arrives"

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 08/09/2011 15:59

Not all house moves mean leaving the area!

The 'hen do' equivalent of the 'baby shower' should be shown the door imo - neither flashing willies nor chocolate filled nappies really do it for me Grin

spicymum · 08/09/2011 16:01

Agree with smallclanger - I hate the thought of giving (or when I was pregnant, receiving) presents for a baby that hasn't been born yet. I am not superstitious generally but it seemed like just tempting fate to me. A couple of friends approached dh with the idea of giving me a baby shower and he rightly said I'd hate it - I couldn't even have any gifts in the house until dd had been delivered safely out into the world. So people don't just hate the idea because it's American, or because they have no friends!

Having said that I also hate "organised fun", especially if there are "fun" games, shudder. A relaxed get together with cake and wine would be nice, but don't see why it would need to be labelled a shower... isn't it just having mates over?

spicymum · 08/09/2011 16:06

x-post with littlemonkey, but yes exactly. your "baby head wetting" sounds lots of fun :)

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