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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think baby showers are completely ridiculous?

279 replies

woowoo2 · 08/09/2011 10:31

I didn't have a baby shower (ds is 6 now) as it wasn't the 'done thing' back then. My real friends saw me throughout my pregnancy, picked up lovely little trinkets and outfits when the mood took them etc.

I didn't ever expect gifts or any sort of fuss, I mean - you have chosen to have a baby, surely the onus is on you to buy your moses basket etc (I have seen several given as gifts at baby showers and was Shock )

AIBU to think they are ridiculous, boring as hell and rather cheeky?

OP posts:
dilys4trevor · 08/09/2011 11:46

I don't like them at all when they are organised by the mum-to-be (and I have heard of these). Blatant attempt to get loads of presents. Funny how single mums in council housing never throw themselves a baby shower - it's usually the privileged who can really afford to buy their own stuff.

BUT, nowt wrong with friends deciding to do it for a friend although I am not a fan generally and wouldn't like to feel obliged to bring a gift (I wouldn't, in fact, and would wait until the baby arrived and get something then).

Gift lists? That is unbelievable.

YANBU, in my view.

dilys4trevor · 08/09/2011 11:47

And yes, OP, boring as ANYTHING for most guests, I'd imagine.

Quenelle · 08/09/2011 11:52

Can I have a baby shower at the beginning of pregnancy? I can't afford any new maternity clothes. I'm going to be so 'three years ago' in my old Maternity Purple stuff.

Xiaoxiong · 08/09/2011 11:53

Well, two separate sets of friends are holding showers for me - I never asked for a shower, have never been to one and didn't mention it to any of my friends, but think it would have been hideously rude to say no when I was told about the one and found out accidentally about the other which was to have been a surprise. One group of friends has asked me to make a "wish list" of what I want, as none of them have children and don't know what to get me - which I am happy to do because I can keep everything between £5 and £10 and I won't get any trinkets or repeats. I know it's more an excuse for a get together than anything else but if my friends have put themselves out to organise games then of course I will not grumble about it.

I would rephrase your query as "AIBU to hate the idea of throwing yourself a baby shower where you demand expensive gifts", or alternatively "AIBU to think baby shower games are dull and I don't enjoy them".

(Not rising to the American = rude and greedy implications, though I will point out worra that the use of "gotten" as a past participle is very old and was standard usage in England a couple of centuries ago. Although its use as a past participle has been preserved in the US it is still used in the UK too, eg. in the phrase "ill-gotten gains".)

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 08/09/2011 11:54

Roundtable - yes, meeting up with friends (esp. if it involves cake) = good thing. Printed baby shower invitation to organised event which involves present expecation before the baby is born, silly games, donations to Hallmark and enforced jollity = bad, baaaad thing.

dilys4trevor · 08/09/2011 11:55

I wonder if anyone is going to dare to say they have organised their own shower and/or circulated a gift list?

I have heard of it happening a few times but can't remember who now.

Insomnia11 · 08/09/2011 11:58

And yes, OP, boring as ANYTHING for most guests, I'd imagine.

Why? Only if you have boring friends. Surely it's only as interesting or not as any gathering of friends.

Insomnia11 · 08/09/2011 12:00

Surely if you don't like baby showers then just don't have one or participate in one. Don't try and dictate how others live their lives. Biscuit

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 08/09/2011 12:01

A gathering of friends for tea and buns is not boring, but that is not what baby showers have become Insomnia - it's kind of the Guising/Trick or Treat debate. What started off as one thing has become a completely different animal.

ballstoit · 08/09/2011 12:01

YABU. I've been to some lovely baby showers...took little gifts and spent a couple of hours catching up on gossip, eating cake and drinking tea. What's not to like?

DSis in Law is midway through 4th IVF cycle...if a pregnancy is the result (and if crossing my fingers and saying prayers could make one, she'd have a houseful of children by now) then I will have a baby shower for her, or maybe I'll have 5, one for each year she's waited for her precious baby.

Impending babies are something to celebrate as far as I'm concerned. If you don't like baby showers, dont go, but there's no need to moan about others having them just cos you dont like them.

roundtable · 08/09/2011 12:02

Oh yes maisie my friends very thoughtfully arranged cake, cake and a bit more cake, oh and scones! Organised by word of mouth, no gift list (although some did bring little bits which was very kind) and no games. Just chatting and enjoying each others company for the afternoon with no distractions. Bliss! We're actually going to go back and do it again, minus the term baby shower, this time replacing the tea with wine!

Insomnia11 · 08/09/2011 12:06

Comment still stands, maisie. None of my friends would have a OTT baby shower as they aren't OTT sort of people, which is largely why, I suspect I am friends with them.

dilys4trevor · 08/09/2011 12:08

Maisie - I'm with you.

It is those kind of baby showers (and that is what springs to mind when the phrase is uttered) that I am sure are very boring.

I vote that if what everyone has in mind is just 'tea and cake with friends' they just call it that. If you use the term 'baby shower', you should expect shudders.

AbsDuWolef · 08/09/2011 12:11

Agree with Elizabeth - they are really common in South Africa as well, have been for decades.

I know - it's a really, really hideous tradition. Inviting lots of people around to have tea and cake and to chat, and to give gifts to help out the parents in supplying lots of stuff for a new child.

the BITCHES

roundtable · 08/09/2011 12:12

Ditto insomnia

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 08/09/2011 12:14

I don't think I inferred at any point that your friends would have an OTT baby shower, Insomnia - that wasn't my point re Guising/Trick or Treating.

Agree Dilys. Tea and cakes with friends is a completely different thing from a 'baby shower'.

roundtable · 08/09/2011 12:16

Abs that made me laugh out loud!

Notice the lack of lol, now that is an irratating use of words, much more so than baby shower Grin

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 08/09/2011 12:51

Used to be quite a superstitious issue, never to give baby presents before the actual birth. Still feels a bit odd to me, e.g. when a colleague goes on mat leave and we buy her something for the baby..I still think but what if..? I just don't get it!
Also I was given loads second hand and wanted to get as much stuff as I could second hand for environmental reasons. Apart from some nice clothes after the births I would have hated to have brand new stuff bought for me. Perhaps I am weird Grin

munstersmum · 08/09/2011 12:52

Never had one, never organised one, never been to one. I clearly am not and have no nice friends. OR maybe is flashy southern activity which will make its way ooop north in another 5 years GrinGrin

brokenmarrow · 08/09/2011 13:04

For some reason i read this title and was wondering had someone invented a special small shower to wash babies in Blush

FemaleEuknickers · 08/09/2011 13:15

Too scared to have one in case everything doesn't go as planned. Not exactly superstitious but what would you do with stuff that you then, devastatingly, didn't need.

MadamTwoSwords · 08/09/2011 13:16

I had an invite to one last week.

Being hosted by someone else for a friend. Don't see friend very often now she has moved although still text regularly.

It has already been postponed once.

The invite (through facebook Hmm) said

"Bring a gift and money for the TMB party I am hosting at the same time"

I declined.

Call me petty but when I am told to bring a gift and when I think the "host" is only doing the baby shower so she can then host a party and make money off it I don't really want to go.

Ormirian · 08/09/2011 13:18

Of course yanbu. It's ridiculous! How are they supposed to stand up in them?Baths are much better. Tsk!

mickeyjohn · 08/09/2011 13:20

I hate baby showers (and I do know some people organise their own - like my SIL - she did!). But then I also hate hen nights, Christmas, musicals, work parties....anything where someone else tells me I am meant to be HAVING FUN when actually I'd rather be at home, being happily ah home in front of the fire and eating my tea Grin

Tommy · 08/09/2011 13:23

I was given a lovely surprise baby shower when I was pregnant with DS1. Tea and cakes on a Sunday afternoon with about 10 friends. They did all buy a small baby gift. It was a complete surprise and a really lovely afternoon Smile